Motherhood and Identity

ME + MOTHERHOOD with Benita Bensch

Motherhood is a profound experience that brings about countless changes. For many women, it comes with a huge identity shift, sometimes even an identity crisis. Before having children, you might have felt like a confident, capable individual with a strong sense of self - but the transition into motherhood can come as quite a shock. A lot of women feel out of control, overwhelmed, isolated and like they no longer have a sense of self.

In 2018, I hit a wall—an experience I term as "falling into the black hole." I felt lost, my confidence shattered, and my identity blurred. Transitioning from an ambitious career woman to a mother gave me so much joy, but it was also incredibly challenging. I was left grappling with the question— "Who am I now?"

Who Are You Really?

Motherhood not only alters your routines but also your inner world and this transformation involves meeting and embracing a new version of yourself. The truth is, the roles we identify with—wife, mother, daughter, colleague, friend —don’t define us.

You are not just the roles you play or the titles you bear. You are not merely your thoughts, physical body, feelings, behaviour, or career. When you strip all of those things away, you are a soul—a spiritual entity living a human experience.

Navigating the Enormous Changes

Nikki McCahon, a leader in matrescence education, writes about the various changes women go through when entering motherhood. It’s not just a matter of things changing physically. In various ways, we all experience an upheaval in our psychological, relational, spiritual, cultural, career, economic, and political lives. It's no surprise that amidst all these changes, you might feel lost, questioning what you’re doing wrong. But know that these changes are part of an immense, transformative process and you are not alone.

Reflect and Reconnect to Your True Self

If you’re struggling with your sense of identity in motherhood, ask yourself these questions:

When do I feel like me?

What do I love?

What am I good at?

What comes naturally to me?

Even amidst the chaos of motherhood, take a few minutes to journal or reflect on these questions. Remember, you are worthy and valuable simply because you are you. Your worthiness is never in question, even if your confidence wavers.

Connecting with yourself at a soul level, away from labels and titles, is vital. Recognise the need to update your self-image to reflect who you are now, not who you were before having children. Allow yourself to explore and remember who you truly are underneath the daily roles and responsibilities.

If you feel the need for support, consider seeking guidance from someone external to help navigate your way through these changes. Establishing a new direction and understanding your true self can be profoundly empowering. And above all, know that even in those dark moments, you have the innate capacity to reconnect with your essence and embrace this evolved version of yourself.

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