Overtalking, Undertalking, and Lessons on Friendship in the Art of Storytelling: Micaela Blei

Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

Episode #95: Oversharing, overtalking, undertalking, undersharing, small talk, deep talks, mismatches in vulnerability, and the art of listening---these are the tricky friendship topics we are dealing with today. I'm joined by Micaela Blei, a GrandSLAM-winning storyteller and former founding Director of Education at The Moth.

Topics we covered:

• There is no right or wrong in how much to talk or how much to share. The words "over" or "under" signal a potential mismatch in conversation styles.
• The connection between overtalking and over-explaining (the fear of being misunderstood).
• Ways to sense when someone is ready to move beyond small talk.
• How the dynamics of managing new friendship conversations is similar to flirting
• Some lessons from storytelling include: an awareness of "airtime," listening attentively (no phone), not confusing your friends for your audience.
• It takes work to share with friends, and it takes work to listen.
• Flexibility between deep and casual conversations is a sign of true intimacy in a friendship.
• Learning not to take responsibility for the success of every conversation. (That one was for me to work on myself!)

Meet Micaela Blei, PhD:

Micaela has been teaching, studying and performing true, personal storytelling worldwide since 2012. She is a two-time Moth GrandSLAM winner and former founding Director of Education at The Moth. She’s currently the visiting professor of Storytelling at the Salt Institute for Documentary Studies in Portland, Maine, and a story editor for history, comedy and true crime shows at Wondery.

Micaela’s own storytelling can be heard on The Moth Radio Hour and podcast, Family Ghosts, Risk! and many others. Her Audible Original memoir, “You Will Not Recognize Your Life,” will be released on Audible later this year. Find out more, and hear more stories, at micaelablei.com.

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