S1 - E16 | I found myself at the bottom of a bottle with 2 choices - live or die and I chose life

The Crucible:Conversations for the Curious

Highlight

Late 2018, things were really getting bad. I was popping the beers whilst driving over the flyover out of Cape Town. There were cars in every direction. Sometimes we were only doing 15-20 kilometers an hour. And the bottles weren't in bags. Look left and right; no cars are coming and drinking. It was utterly self-destructive.

Summary

Here, I share my personal story of addiction and recovery, highlighting the conflicts, events that knocked me flat and disappointments I experienced growing up.
I discuss the transactional nature of my relationships and how alcohol becomes a coping mechanism for me.
Everything slowly fell apart as the drama and chaos compromised my will, leaving me with two choices. The first was to ask for help.
I share a little about rehab and then the challenges of rejoining the real world, rebuilding my relationships, and starting again.
I share my journey through sobriety, and the many positive changes sobriety has brought to my life.

How I can help

• My journey with addiction has taught me the power of connection and support. If you don't know where to turn, I'm here to listen. Use the calendar below to arrange a confidential & non-judgmental 30-minute conversation https://calendar.hamishniven.com/widget/bookings/a-quiet-conversation
• Website - https://hamishniven.com/
• All my links - https://beacons.ai/hamishniven

takeaways

• Seeking help will provide the necessary support and tools for positive change.
• Change involves confronting fears, reprogramming thought patterns, and learning adaptive strategies.
• Rejoining the real world after rehab can be challenging, but it offers an opportunity for growth and rebuilding relationships. Sobriety brings positive changes and allows for personal growth and self-discovery.
• Kindness, understanding, and second chances are important in the process of healing and rebuilding relationships.
• Curiosity, non-judgment, forgiveness, and self-acceptance are key elements in the recovery journey.
• Responding rather than reacting to life's challenges leads to a more fulfilling and intentional life.

Sound Bites

• "There was a conflict between what I was told to do and the reality of life."
• "Alcohol allowed me to make sense of purpose and overcome things I didn't understand."
• "Beating myself up was not the way ahead."
• "Being given another chance is incredibly beautiful."
• "Even a glass of wine impairs my cognition."
• "The chaos and the drama and the nonsense and the bullshit"

Chapters

00:00 - Conflicting Messages and Expectations

06:18 - Alcohol as a Coping Mechanism

11:00 - Seeking Help and Entering Rehab

21:59 - Confronting Fears and Learning Adaptive Strategies

29:12 - Rejoining the Real World and Rebuilding Relationships

31:47 -Rewriting Narratives and Beliefs

36:30 - The Importance of Curiosity and Non-Judgment

45:00 -Forgiveness and Self-Acceptance in the Journey of Recovery

53:15 -Responding vs Reacting: Finding Joy in the Journey