102. Why Your Teen Isn’t Acting Like an Adult

Parenting Post-Wilderness: Parenting a Struggling Teen Before, During and After Treatment

Why doesn’t your teen learn from their mistakes? Or admit when they’re wrong? Why can’t they just act like an adult? If you’ve ever wondered about any of these, you’re not alone. To answer these questions, we’re diving into the world of teenage brain development and what it means for us as parents. Spoiler alert: it’s not as straightforward as you think.
Whenever your teen is acting out, you might think “In what world do you think this is okay?” Here’s our take: In the world where they thought they wouldn’t get caught and in the world where they never experienced this before. This highlights a key issue: teens lack the life experience and brain development necessary to foresee consequences and regulate their emotions consistently.

Here’s the thing: The human brain isn't fully developed until around the age of 25.

This means that emotional regulation is inconsistent, at best. Your teen is in the process of learning but hasn't mastered how to handle intense emotions yet. Reacting impulsively or avoiding situations altogether is a normal part of this learning curve. Growing the brain takes experience. It's through real-world consequences—whether legal, parental, or social—that they start to understand what is acceptable behavior and what isn’t.

One of the biggest challenges we face as parents is letting our kids gain these experiences, especially when they come back from treatment. We see them physically growing up and get smarter, so it’s easy to forget they aren’t adults yet. They might look and sometimes sound like it, but their brains are still catching up.

"If they haven’t had a lived experience in a certain thing, I don’t know how they would actually know"- Beth Hillman

By understanding your teen’s developmental stage, you can better support them become independent adults. Let’s discuss all of this more in today’s episode.

In this episode on why your teen isn’t acting like an adult, we discuss:

• How the human brain isn't fully developed until around the age of 25;
• The only way our teens learn what is acceptable and accepted, and what isn’t, is through real-world life experience;
• The difference between a controlled environment and being controlling;
• The importance of setting boundaries and enforcing consequences to guide behavior.
• How teens' survival brain impacts their decision-making, often leading to impulsive actions;
• Teens are still learning how to manage intense emotions;
• And more!
  

Need support?
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And remember parents, the change begins with us.

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