#25 - Part 2 Accountability & Intimacy: Who Decides Whether You're Being Accountable?

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

What do you do if someone is trying to hold you accountable, but you don’t think you’ve done anything to be accountable for? What if you don’t feel sorry or remorseful for a minor mistake that you’ve made? What if someone is using accountability as a weapon and using it as a tool to blame, punish, or shame you? Accountability can be a confusing, complex, and messy topic, and this episode will answer all these questions—and more.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #25:

• When someone confronts you about something, you need to determine whether you have the same perception that you have acted in a boundaryless, offensive, or boundary-violating manner.
• Everyone has sensitivities and vulnerabilities that we may not know about. Another person may take offense and feel pain about something we say or do even though we had no intention of causing harm.
• It’s possible to weaponize accountability and use it as a tool to punish or shame other people. If you’re in a situation where someone is using accountability as a weapon against you or you use accountability as a weapon, I recommend listening to Episode 19 (When They Go Low . . . We Go Lower) to learn how to respond.
• Must accountability be followed by contrition or remorse? The answer goes back to whether you agree that you needed to be held accountable. If you made a minor mistake or you simply don't believe that you've done anything for which you need to be accountable, you may not feel remorse at all. Keep in mind that some people may not show remorse even when they feel it.

Highlights from Episode #25:

• In Episode 22, Vicki talked about accountability and intimacy. This episode is a follow-up to the previous episode, and an answer to a blog follower's question about accountability and remorse. [00:46]
• Vicki shares an example from her own life when no offense was intended. [03:57]
• Everyone has certain vulnerabilities and things that they’re sensitive about, Vicki explains. [08:29]
• We learn more about what it looks like when someone uses accountability as a weapon, and what to do if someone uses accountability as a weapon against you. [10:13]
• Vicki addresses a question that was submitted to her on her blog: “does accountability need to be followed by contrition?” [13:57]
• It’s not helpful for us to have outsized shame responses or pain when we’re essentially being human, Vicki points out. [19:51]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
• Beyond Bitchy Episode 22, Want More Accountability? Intimacy is Key
• Beyond Bitchy Episode 19, When They Go Low . . . We Go Lower