#24 - The Politician (No, Not That One)

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Today’s episode is all about The Politician. And no, not that one! No matter which politician comes to mind, I’m not talking about him or her. Instead, what I call The Politician is a powerful communication tool that politicians, pundits, and political operatives have all mastered, and one that you should too. It’s a simple tool, but a very difficult one to use. I’ll teach you all about it, and give you tips on how to practice it when you need it.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #24:

• The Politician is a tool you'll want to have in your communication toolbox for situations where someone deflects from the topic you brought up, or otherwise doesn’t respond in a meaningful way. Or maybe you made a request of another person and he or she turns the conversation back to something you did, or stonewalls you and gives no response at all.
• The Politician involves both the talking and listening boundaries. The talking boundary is at work when you respond using this tool. The listening boundary is an even more important part of using The Politician because the other person may try to confuse, distract, or divert, and you'll need to stay laser-focused while you're listening.
• There are essentially three responses that a person can have to a request. They can agree or say yes, say no or disagree, or propose an alternative solution to your request.
• As you begin using this skill, you probably won’t do it perfectly, and that's okay. Even if it takes you a while to notice that the conversation has gotten off-topic, you can still use The Politician to bring it back to your original point.

Highlights from Episode #24:

• Vicki introduces the topic of today’s episode: The Politician. [00:48]
• Before she gets to how you use The Politician, Vicki talks about how this skill relates to boundaries. [05:57]
• Vicki gives some examples of how redirecting the conversation to your original point by using The Politician can look or sound. [10:55]
• Notice that in Vicki’s examples, the person in question hasn’t answered the request. [16:11]
• The Politician as a skill is about the fact that you have talking points. You need to be very clear about what those are even before you start the conversation, and come back to them if the topic of the conversation is changed by the other person or otherwise gets diverted. [19:19]
• Vicki points out that you’ll probably use this skill imperfectly at first, as you learn to use it. She also offers tips for how to use it successfully. [22:10]
• When you learn to use The Politician, it’s helpful not only to you, but also to the other person, and the relationship as a whole. [25:41]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier