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محتوای ارائه شده توسط Empathi, Figs O'Sullivan, and Teale O'Sullivan. تمام محتوای پادکست شامل قسمتها، گرافیکها و توضیحات پادکست مستقیماً توسط Empathi, Figs O'Sullivan, and Teale O'Sullivan یا شریک پلتفرم پادکست آنها آپلود و ارائه میشوند. اگر فکر میکنید شخصی بدون اجازه شما از اثر دارای حق نسخهبرداری شما استفاده میکند، میتوانید روندی که در اینجا شرح داده شده است را دنبال کنید.https://fa.player.fm/legal
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Relationship Shame
Manage episode 442046312 series 2911797
محتوای ارائه شده توسط Empathi, Figs O'Sullivan, and Teale O'Sullivan. تمام محتوای پادکست شامل قسمتها، گرافیکها و توضیحات پادکست مستقیماً توسط Empathi, Figs O'Sullivan, and Teale O'Sullivan یا شریک پلتفرم پادکست آنها آپلود و ارائه میشوند. اگر فکر میکنید شخصی بدون اجازه شما از اثر دارای حق نسخهبرداری شما استفاده میکند، میتوانید روندی که در اینجا شرح داده شده است را دنبال کنید.https://fa.player.fm/legal
Figs and Teale dig up the roots of Figs' shame around their wedding anniversary.If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz, courses, and therapy consultations.
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41 قسمت
Manage episode 442046312 series 2911797
محتوای ارائه شده توسط Empathi, Figs O'Sullivan, and Teale O'Sullivan. تمام محتوای پادکست شامل قسمتها، گرافیکها و توضیحات پادکست مستقیماً توسط Empathi, Figs O'Sullivan, and Teale O'Sullivan یا شریک پلتفرم پادکست آنها آپلود و ارائه میشوند. اگر فکر میکنید شخصی بدون اجازه شما از اثر دارای حق نسخهبرداری شما استفاده میکند، میتوانید روندی که در اینجا شرح داده شده است را دنبال کنید.https://fa.player.fm/legal
Figs and Teale dig up the roots of Figs' shame around their wedding anniversary.If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz, courses, and therapy consultations.
…
continue reading
41 قسمت
همه قسمت ها
×Are partners born wicked, or do they have wickedness thrust upon them? From The Bachelor to the state of politics, "bad guys" are a recipe for disconnection — but not in the way you'd expect...If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz, courses, and therapy consultations.…
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Come Here To Me: Relationship Experts Walk the Talk
Topics Covered: Acting like “roosters” in relationship The little vulnerable chickies within Who really came up with this analogy... If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz , courses , and therapy consultations .
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Come Here To Me: Relationship Experts Walk the Talk
In "Defensive Dating", Figs explains how becoming our "protector" selves in relationship backfires. In a 30-second clip, reality tv star Tiffany Pollard lays it all out for her date: "I want my eggs cracked" (I want a child) "I want my name dropped" (I want to be married) I'm not your bed maiden, maid, floozy, or [redacted] I'm not perfect, but I'm good to you, and you're going to have to give me something substantial. This is an example of a character strategy — a "protector" self deployed to shield our vulnerable, hurt selves from emotional pain. Though her date doesn't speak during the entire video, we can also observe his character strategy — a skeptical, nonchalant, still-faced man. Those 4 "people" are present in every conflict — your vulnerable self, your protector, your partner's vulnerable self, and their protector. This strategy completely makes sense… and is a self-fulfilling, self-defeating prophecy. Figs explains that every time you ask for your needs to be met as your protector — "I'm not playing with you." — it's like throwing a boomerang. It guts your partner, who then deploys THEIR protector (Mr. Nonchalant Pants), and your boomerang swings back around to gut you — "See, they really DON'T care." And on and on. Most people who come in to have sessions with Figs are locked in this cycle. So, how does he break you out of it? Well, first, you have to see all sides of the boomerang effect at play and feel, "Look at how sad this is for both of us!" Then — once the trust and understanding makes it safe for both of you — you can go deeper into vulnerability. It is only then, with your protector reassured and from the voice of your vulnerable one, that you will ask for your needs to be met and have it actually happen in the way you long for. And this happens in both directions — one partner is able to reach out to have the other be there for them, and the other is able to finally be good enough. What is really transformative about this experience occurs when this moment becomes a memory. All those "files" informing your view of the world — telling you that you can't trust others to love you in the way you need, that you're alone or not good enough — now are up against at least one shining piece of proof that you ARE lovable. Then we do it again. And again. And those old files become less and less relevant. And before you know it, you're both living in a world that's a little bit safer and brighter than before. This can happen for couples with dramatic displays like this, and it can happen for you. If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz , courses , and therapy consultations .…
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Come Here To Me: Relationship Experts Walk the Talk
Figs and Teale dig up the roots of Figs' shame around their wedding anniversary.If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz, courses, and therapy consultations.
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Come Here To Me: Relationship Experts Walk the Talk
TherapyJeff: https://www.tiktok.com/@therapyjeff/video/7368846526149479726 About the Empathi Method: https://empathi.com/about/?&utm_source=stream&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=chtm&utm_term=therapyjeff If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz , courses , and therapy consultations .…
Teale surprises Figs with a topic they've been dancing around since the very beginning of their relationship.If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz, courses, and therapy consultations.
Figs chats with podcast host (and relationship skeptic) Nicolas Gregoriades about the most common relationship dynamic between men and women.If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz, courses, and therapy consultations.
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Come Here To Me: Relationship Experts Walk the Talk
Are your concerns usually met with defensiveness? You might be stuck in a feedback loop… Figs explains why constructive criticism is so difficult, and what to do about it.If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz, courses, and therapy consultations.…
Figs and Steph discuss the pros and pitfalls of the growing trend of partners "diagnosing" each other with personality disorders.If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz, courses, and therapy consultations.
Get an early release of the previously therapists-exclusive beat-by-beat breakdown: https://get.empathi.com/comehere/please-like-me-early-access If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz , courses , and therapy consultations .
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Come Here To Me: Relationship Experts Walk the Talk
In "The Truth About Codependency", Figs explains how to actually help couples in a codependent relationship—starting with critiquing the term. To do so, Figs explores 3 possible uses for "codependency": Couples featuring a partner "Dependent" on substances (alcoholism, addiction) and their "Co-dependent" partner "Overly attached" couples high in conflict who think they "Just need to learn to be independent" Couples featuring a partner with trauma around having needs being unacceptable In every single case, you first must normalize, normalize, normalize. When the term "Codependent" was created to describe loved ones of addicted individuals and their behavior, they were missing an ingredient essential for understanding human behavior: Attachment Theory. From day one, human beings need to be emotionally bonded to survive. Everything supposed "codependent" individuals do and feel in relation to their adult primary attachment figure makes absolute sense in this context. This isn't something to be fixed. In cases featuring substance abuse, each partner's actions make sense, but they will not be able to proceed to the next step until the addicted partner(s) can be fully there for the other. After couples understand their relationship system, that there's nothing wrong with either of them, and that their behaviors are actually born out of a need for each other's love, one partner is able to ask for their needs to be met. This is where, as Figs describes it, a "threshold moment" occurs. Either they ask for their needs to be met, their partner is able to do so, and they experience profound emotional healing, or they see their partner isn't able to be there for them and get to say, "No." The final step is to integrate what has happened—remembering there's nothing wrong with you, and asking for your needs to be met from a place of vulnerability and connection is more rewarding than placating or hiding. You now have the ability to do this process, repair conflicts and heal wounds from the past, over and over again for the rest of your life. If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz , courses , and therapy consultations .…
In "How to Fix a Toxic Relationship," Figs breaks down what a toxic relationship is (and isn't) and the steps necessary to repair it. For the purposes of this conversation, a toxic relationship is one in which the couple is spending days, weeks, months—a significant amount of time—in "disconnection" without meaningful repair. This can include individual negative cycles (conflicts) that persist or escalate dramatically, and/or it can mean the couple is spending very little time in connection over a longer period of time. Most importantly, couples in a toxic relationship are not having meaningful repair—a multi-dimensional empathetic experience wherein they're able to be there for each other lovingly, feel their individual pain, and feel empathy for both of them together. So, in order to fix a toxic relationship, Figs leads couples through three stages: Stage 1: Break down the negative cycle and help both partners recognize the tragedy they are both engaged in together, cognitively and emotionally. This is the most difficult step in the process. Stage 2: Go deeply into one partner's pain, organize it, have them feel it fully, and ask for their needs to be met—then, their partner shows up for them. Do this in both directions. Stage 3: Help the couple integrate what they accomplished. They are not "toxic" or broken, and they can repeat this process of repair for the rest of their lives. Please note that if you are experiencing domestic abuse, it is not currently possible for you to safely attempt to navigate these stages. Reach out for help online at https://www.thehotline.org or by phone at 1-800-799-7233. If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz , courses , and therapy consultations .…
In "Attachment in HBO's Succession," Karen joins Figs to discuss a particular scene in Succession (S4E2) as a representation of deep attachment-based wounding. If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz , courses , and therapy consultations .…
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Come Here To Me: Relationship Experts Walk the Talk
Couples Therapy Works: How do you know if your partner's behavior is unacceptable? Karen joins Figs to answer this important client question.If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz, courses, and therapy consultations.
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Come Here To Me: Relationship Experts Walk the Talk
In "Seeing The Negative Cycle" Figs and Karen take a close look at the makeup of The Cycle, a concept from Emotionally-Focused Therapy. A cycle is the negative "infinity loop" every couple inevitably encounters in their relationship, which shows up for partners as conflict they get into over and over. Download the infinity loop sheet: https://get.empathi.com/episodes/seeing-the-negative-cycle Figs describes it as a river that is always running underneath your house, but which only rises above ground-level from time to time. The emotional bonding dynamic in your relationship is ever-present, but is most easily accessed in moments of conflict. To recognize that you are in a negative cycle, Karen suggests paying attention to the language you are using (such as "You always–" and "You never–"), and to what is going on in yourself (are you triggered or reacting with fight/flight/freeze/fawn behaviors)? Figs explains that if you are experiencing any of the 4 quadrants of the infinity loop, then you are in a cycle. These quadrants are… You are hurting, you have a negative judgment of your partner, your partner is hurting, and your partner has a negative judgment of you. Each of these feed into and result from each other, and so if one of those elements is present, Figs emphasizes that it's highly likely they are all present. All roads to a better relationship pass through "We are in a system together." Understanding The Cycle is the first step. If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz , courses , and therapy consultations .…
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