Partner TBI & Journeying Through the Grief Portal

This Is Not What I Ordered: conversations on chronic illness, loss + change

Joining me on the podcast today is our very special guest, Shideh Etaat, an Iranian-American writer. Shideh holds an MFA in creative writing from San Francisco State University and has recently unveiled her debut literary masterpiece, Rana Joon and the One and Only Now. Today, Shideh shares an emotionally resonant narrative, recounting the day of her police officer husband's traumatic brain injury and the following six years since.

Brace yourself for an impactful exploration of the "grief portal," a term Shideh uses to illustrate her voyage through abrupt trauma, a journey that reconnects her with spiritual insights, acceptance, and grace. In the face of seemingly insurmountable challenges, Shideh demonstrates remarkable determination, ushering healing and transformation into her own life and the lives of those around her. The episode unfolds as an intriguing tapestry of themes, including steadfast devotion, the profound impact of grief, and the remarkable strength that arises from profound challenge. Join us as Shideh unveils her extraordinary odyssey through grief and beyond, a journey that will undoubtedly leave you equal parts moved and inspired to embrace your own capacity for growth and renewal.

Episode Highlights:

• Shideh's childhood experiences, early awareness, and anxiety

• Intergenerational trauma from her family's escape during the Iranian revolution

• The challenges Shideh encountered in parenthood and healing her inner child

• Her husband's traumatic brain injury, and the resulting shock, fear, and resilience

• Shideh's shift to a deeper spiritual perspective on her husband's condition

• Mobilizing positivity and hope amid medical uncertainty

• Protective denial during pregnancy, focusing on her husband's potential

• Themes of devotion, grief, resilience, and finding meaning in adversity.

Quotes:

"I think for me at least, a lot of parenting is about healing my inner child stuff by doing things differently with my son."

"I was experiencing the situation on two levels: which was what I was seeing with my eye and what the doctors were telling me… And then I could see underneath that to the spiritual, soul-level journey of this person who I love deeply. And I felt very strongly like I was playing a role in that.

"There's always some goodness you can hold on to and try and focus on."

"The idea of comparing our journeys to those around us is so detrimental to our well-being."

"Owning your own experience as uniquely yours–that's a beautiful definition of liberation."

"I am holding life and death together. I am constantly holding opposing things inside of my body and my heart."

Links:

This Is Not What I Ordered

Lauren Selfridge

Shideh Etaat