Episode #19 - Narcissism

Life After: From Surviving to Thriving

There were so many great quotes for today, so we have a couple more than usual. And I guess that’s really an indication of how prevalent this topic is right now!

The first quote is:

There is simply no winning with a narcissist. He will treat you so horribly that you will become withdrawn and depressed and then he will turn around and say, You’re no fun anymore, you’re always so depressed. I need to be with someone more positive. Susan Williams, writer

And

The best way to upset a narcissist is by ignoring him. J.B. Snow, writer

The third quote is

Narcissists are all about image. They create a false self for the external world to see – which often comes across as charming, moralistic, kind, considerate, and “perfect”. Meanwhile, behind closed doors they are the world’s biggest hypocrites. They will pathologically lie, cheat, verbally assault, and completely destroy their family with zero remorse. What you see, is NOT what you get behind closed doors. –healing.after.a.narcissist

Also,

Nobody gets more upset than a narcissist who is accused of something they absolutely did. –notsalmon.com

Finally,

When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will feel unfair, but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth just like you did. –Jill Blakeway

In this episode, we are going to talk about, you guessed it, narcissism and narcissists. I’ve been doing a FB Live series for the last couple of months (soon to also be seen on Tik Tok!), and so I’ve been thinking a lot about the journey that so many of us face when dealing with narcissists. It’s important to talk about, because as you can see with many of the quotes above, we often don’t realize we are in a relationship with a narcissist. And certainly, more often, others don’t realize we are in a relationship with a narcissist. Now, this can be any kind of relationship; friendship, co-worker, parent, or intimate partner. In my experience, they are all difficult for different reasons, however the more intimate the relationship, the more damaging it ends up being. And, more importantly, the harder it gets to extricate yourself from the relationship. The process can take much longer, and need way more strategy, than you think it will.

It’s really important to understand that narcissism happens on a spectrum. And we all fall on that spectrum somewhere. A little narcissism can be healthy. What we are talking about here, though, is pathological narcissism that’s happening at the extreme end of the spectrum. If you’re curious about what’s at the other end of this spectrum, it’s called Echoism, and I recommend you follow psychologist, Dr. Craig Malkin. He is an author, therapist and teacher out of Harvard and has some great information regarding both narcissism and Echoism. I’ve put his website in the show notes:

Dr. Craig Malkin

https://www.drcraigmalkin.com/#home

Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse (Gaum and Herring)

https://www.tanyagaum.com/cycleofnarcissisticabuse

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