#20 - Making Anger Your Ally

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Do you have too much anger? Or not enough? If either of these are true for you, this episode will illuminate the many ways anger can be a gift. I’ll also explore the consequences of not expressing anger appropriately, and teach you how to own your anger so that you can make it an ally.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #20:

• Most of us don’t have a good relationship with anger. We usually experience anger at the extremes, or we're afraid of it. When you have a healthy relationship with anger, it becomes a gift and an ally.
• We often think of emotions as good or bad based on how they make us—or others—feel. But emotions aren’t inherently good or bad. Anger is an emotion, and is therefore simply an experience, or reality.
• When it comes to not expressing anger appropriately, there are two options: too much, or not enough. Rage is an example of too much anger, or an unhealthy expression of anger. On the other end of the continuum, someone may fake a smile, pretend not to be angry, or refuse to express their true feeling at all.
• Anger offers several valuable gifts. It can give you a signal that something isn’t working in your life or in a particular relationship. It can also indicate that a limit or boundary has been crossed. Or, your anger may be telling you that you need to do some self-care.

Highlights from Episode #20:

• Vicki introduces this episode’s topic: how to make anger your ally. [00:47]
• We hear some examples of why someone might have a conflicted or challenging relationship with anger. [04:02]
• Vicki explains the value of getting a reality check from others about their anger. [10:24]
• The metaphor of blood circulating throughout the physical body is a useful one for thinking about how emotions need to circulate in our minds/psyches. [14:08]
• Vicki explores the gifts of anger. [15:31]
• Often, anger is a sign that we need to set a boundary, and Vicki gives some examples. [18:51]
• We hear about the consequences of not expressing anger. [20:43]
• Vicki shares insights into how to manage and own your anger. [25:26]
• Sometimes, you may realize that you just want to release your anger instead of trying to make a request or do something about the situation. [30:57]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
• Anger Busting 101: The New ABCs for Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them by Newton Hightower
• The Anger Busting Workbook: Simple, Powerful Techniques for Managing Anger & Saving Relationships by James A. Baker
• Pia Mellody