When we hide behind masks

Warrior DIVAS | Real Talk for Real Women

Hello and welcome to warrior divas real talk for real women. This is your host, Angie Leigh Monroe, and I am super excited about getting to talk with you again this week. It's one of the highlights of my week is putting this podcast together and getting an opportunity to connect with you on another level. Many of you know we have our magazine out that you can go online and and read about we have our upcoming conference where you can meet us up close and personal and have some connection time with us. And and we've got our blogs up and going again. And we've got more people writing and guest writing for a magazine and for our blogs. And we always are welcoming all of you to be a part of that. But each week when I come together and I put these, these podcasts together, I'm really just looking at what is it that I'm hearing from the women that that we're interacting with? What is it that they need to hear on a more broader scale. And so that's why I'm super excited about coming in and doing the podcast and those of you that are watching on video, maybe noticing a little bit of a different scenery behind us we've we've made some strategic changes to be able to continue to add more to what we're doing for our women. And if you don't even know that we have a video version of it, it is on YouTube, we have a warrior divas podcast you can find on YouTube. And you can go click and subscribe and listen and engage with us. And we would totally love to just have another platform to engage with you on. Sometimes it's easy to put a face with a name and listen to somebody watching them for a little bit kind of get to know him a little bit better. So you'll see me and all my beautiful glory. I try and put makeup on. So fair warning there. But I try not to be inauthentic. One of the things is kind of a take me as I am kind of girl, it doesn't mean that it that I don't struggle with putting on airs for people as they say, does that mean that there's times that I don't go, Well, I know I could be better this than this, or I know I am better than this. So I'm just going to fake it till I make it I've had some of those too. I know. I know there are some of you out there feel like you're in that fake it till you make it stage. And then there's times that
I am way more than I'm giving myself credit for. And I'm kind of dumb it myself down so that other people will find me more palatable. And that's a rough thing to, to realize and to, to embrace for yourself. Like I said, we've got our conference coming up in October. And if you want to know anything about what we're doing, where we're going all that stuff, you can find all that information out at divas in pack.com. And you can listen to podcasts, Watch the YouTube, subscribe to the magazine, submit blogs, read blogs, you can do all that on our site there. But what I'm finding lately is I have a lot of women coming to me, and they're looking for a pace that they should be running at, they're not quite sure. They don't want to come in and seem too intimidating. And that blows my mind.
I know. It's something that I myself dealt with early on. And I'm if you haven't been able to tell by now I have a fairly strong personality. And it can be a little off putting I have been told sometimes in words that are not as nice as off putting. But in that, it's mainly that I have a strong sense of self confidence that if I'm going to accept a task, I believe that I have the ability and the skill set and the right people with me that we're going to accomplish that task. And so there's a certain confidence that comes with that. It's not something that we really put our finger on, it's not something that we even really realize I was talking with a good friend. And just the other day about this. There's some women that walk in a room and they wait to be seen. And then there's some women that walk in a room, and they're looking to see other people. Well, this friend and I are those ones that walk in a room looking to see other people. And I'm not talking about the big names in the room, I'm looking to see the woman that sitting by herself. I'm looking to see a woman I haven't connected with yet. I'm looking to see that friend of mine that's walking in the door that looks a little beat up from today's function and trying to get to where we're at, I'm looking at beyond what most people are looking for,
like,
years ago, I would sit in a church service and and we'd have what we call a prophetic service. And it just meant that they were giving words of encouragement. And a lot of times it was pastors sometimes lay leaders that were giving them words of encouragement to different people, just something God had placed on their heart. And I remember there would be times, I would sit in that service just hungry for word for myself. And you know, you had to sit up on the stat sheet on the seat a little better, you straighten up, you lean in, you press in, you're trying to without jumping up and down and raising your hand, you're trying to let them know that you are wanting a word. Well, here's the deal. When I go to networking events, when I go to women's events, when I go to speak at church, or at even corporate training offices and things like that, I can normally tell by the body language of the woman in the room, which one needs somebody to pay attention to them.
See,
we all have a desire to be seen, accepted and heard. And I don't know that we are all very good at helping others be seen, accepted and heard. I'm definitely not the best of it. I am not typically known as a relational type of person. But I approached my relationship building kind of as a task because I'm a test person. And I made that as as a task for myself. So I didn't use it as an excuse of I'm not a relational person. So I don't have to do that. I made it something that I could wrap my brain around to know the importance and why it's important in my life. See, it was 2000 I think was 2009. I had gotten an invitation 2008 I'd gotten an invitation to be a part of a Bible study at our church offices. We had already had a problem that there weren't many life groups for women that met at night. And so those of us that work during the day really didn't have a place to go. So are we had a Bible study that we met in the morning before work started. And it was in that Bible study that morning, that one of the women's pastors came up to me and asked me if I would be a part of a new group they were forming called Wild women in leadership development. And more than just wanting to be a part of that group. The most impactful moment of all of that was that somebody saw me as a person, somebody that had value as somebody that was worth being invited to things. They said, We know you're busy. We know your schedules demanding with your work. But if you and your boss can work out the hours, we'd love for you to be a part of it. Well, the working with the boss took a little finagling and things like that. But we got it done. And I was able to attend women in leadership development, which is where the seeds for divas impact now warrior divas podcast, and our magazine and the blog and all of that came out of that what women and leadership development course that that I went to. But here's
the other thing.
A lot of people look at me and tell me
you're too busy. Or
I didn't invite you because I thought you'd be too busy. I want to make it very clear that I have heard this said to pastor, I've heard this said to strong business women. I've heard this said to moms that volunteer in their community. I've heard this said to many, many, many women. And here's, here's the the truth of the matter is yes, we are busy, a lot of us are doing them a myriad of things. We're about juggling home, and health, and family and spirituality, and all of that stuff. And we need an outlet for somebody to just see us see us as worthy of spending time with without wanting anything from us, and just to be invited and accepted. So when I worked as a assistant for a pastor, I realized how many things were happening that they weren't inviting the pastor to. Because they assumed he was too busy.
And so
one of the things I started doing was I started praying for my pastor, I started praying friendships in my pastor, I started praying relationships. And for my pastor, I started praying relationships and friendships him for his wife, so that she would get people that they couples they could go and do things with. And then somebody said something very empowering to me. And she said, You know, I used to be the one that always had parties always did things and never invited anybody, any of the busy people in my life to it always invited those of us that were just always hanging around. And she served realize that her circle of friends was getting stale. You know, there was no, everybody was starting to agree about the same things. There was no friction and friction is not bad. It's a really good thing. It's just having healthy boundaries to have that friction, right.
So she started to realize
that there were more people she wanted to get to know and wanting to invite in. And so she started challenging other people in her group to start inviting people in. And one of the people that she finally asked, she goes, I know you're super busy, I know you probably can't come. But I wanted to invite you to this. And the lady goes, you know, I've been watching the stories about your group meetings and all your girlfriends getting together. And I've been jealous that nobody has ever invited me to be a part of something like that. And my friend told her said, Well, I just assumed you were always too busy. And she says I am busy. But I also need friendship. I also need companionship, I also need to build relationships with other people and take time for me. So if you're okay to ask the question, knowing that I may not be able to come every time, but I'm going to try my best to come as many times as I can, and not be afraid of me rejected you by saying I can't make it this time, then I will absolutely be there every time I possibly can. This totally blew my friends mind. My friend was like, it really wasn't about me thinking they were too busy. It was about me thinking that they may judge me for not being busy enough.
I want you to catch that.
It wasn't about my friend thinking this other lady was so busy that she couldn't be a part of it is about how she thought that lady was going to think about her at a conversation earlier this week with another podcaster. And we're going to be on each other shows here soon. But she was talking about making a transition. And she had worked in the school systems and as a teacher and school administrator for many years. And even though she she's taking two years to make the transition, she stepped away from that in May of this year. And there were some things that she shared, that were just inspiring to me, she said there was it wasn't so much what other people thought of her. But what she thought other people would think of her. See, that's what we call a self limiting belief. You are giving yourself I know you're giving yourself a limitation you are holding yourself back from something without ever posing the question out loud. Because we're doing a battle within our brain. We're battling between our ears, what never gets articulated. So I told you about the women in leadership development class, you know, that led to more that led to me being included in more things and being involved in more things and engaging with more people and building more relationships and serving our women's ministry helping out with the the events throughout the year and things like that. And when it was time to put that down. There was a
a sense of
will they even remember me? Was my impact big enough? See, I never did it for people to know who I was feel important, self important, any of that stuff. But as I was stepping out of it, all of a sudden, I was worried, you know, Will people know that I left of my own accord did will people remember the good things that I did here. And that did I set a set a bar a standard for others to come behind me and meet and excel at, and all those conflicting things came at me. And then it was just Angie, rest. So that's what I had to do that into an 18 month sabbatical that I went on, of just resting of just hearing myself and believing in myself and knowing who I am and what I was created for. And as where I thought I had dealt with stuff. Over the years, what I'd really done was I had stuffed and suppressed. And I use that term quite often when I'm talking with women is we go in and it's kind of like the old cartoon where they sweep the dirt underneath the rug, right? Why it swept the dirt underneath the rug so much that now the rug was taller than I was. And I just assumed that I always get back to that I always get back to that kind of the same way we throw things in the junk drawer and said will always come back to that right. And we never do that stuff in the junk drawer. There's stuff that's been there for 20 years, we've never touched it never used it. But we still have it in the junk drawer. Right? Same with the Stephen suppressed method. So with this, what I'm trying to bring about in you, what I'm trying to help you to realize is sometimes we get addicted to busy. My friend and former colleague, Brady Boyd wrote a book called addicted to busy, we get so busy doing things and we're doing them not so much to make ourselves look good or do good. A lot of times we're doing it because we're running away from dealing with the things we had slipped swept under the rug the stuff and suppress stuff we did. So in that 18 months that I took time off, things that I thought I dealt with years and years and years before, I still hadn't really dealt with just because it was out of sight didn't mean it was out of forming my thoughts, my opinions, my heart, my heart decisions, my mind decisions around things. There were fears that were brought up that I didn't quite understand why I had those fears. But they were attributed to things that happened 20 years earlier.
There were
there's going to be continual hurts and things that come up in life. But your reaction to them may be magnified. Because you haven't dealt with the previous ones, right. So earlier this week, I was sitting with Kim Slater, she's the one that puts our magazine together our beautiful magazine that we have. And she and I were talking about working with a couple of different people on some projects and all this stuff. And and I had some anxiety building up. Now. I've been doing this for 10 years, I've been doing business consulting, nonprofit consulting, launching books, all that stuff for 10 years. All right. So it's not like it's something new to me, it's not like, I'm going out for the first time trying to sell this project or, or coach this client or any of that stuff. I'm good there. That's not the problem. But some of the verbiage that had been used, whether it was intentional or not, brought up some anxiety in me, mainly because it was tied back to the way I had been treated by a previous client, a previous nonprofit I'd worked with just something that didn't end well, right. And so when things don't end well, and you feel like you've been devalued you feel like you've been used up and abused and all these things. If you don't deal with that, the very next thing you come up against, you're going to feel the same thing. So as I'm recording this today, I am in the season right now of identifying what are those things? How did I set myself up for failure in this? How did I set myself up for success in this in the past, and in the present? There are so many ways that we limit ourselves and we hide and we tried to be the girl that's got our whole thing together when quite frankly, we're put out there in words that I'm good. I'm awesome. I'm perfectly fine. When really we're just a straight up hot mess, right?
So
somebody asked me the other day about our SMS conference. And they're like, Well, my wife doesn't wear a mask. I'm like, okay, that's great. Can she help other women that maybe are wearing masks, I said, but if she's like most women, I bet you there's some areas in our life, that she hides even from herself. So here's, here's some of the things that I'm just going to share again, being transparent, and authentic with you about myself where I, I, at times, hide behind a mask. And it's a daily progression of just stepping out and trusting and believing that God's going to bring me to the places I need to be brought to. So telling my husband, my husband coming in and asking the question, I know none of you women out here, do this. I know nobody ever does this. I'm the only one. And yes, I'm being sarcastic. But here's the deal. When your husband asks, What's wrong with you? And you say nothing, I'm fine.
That's a mask.
Because you're not fine. You're livid about something, you you're upset about something you're hurt about something? No, you're not fine. I used to use the phrase you I'm an open book, you can ask me anything. And I would hold my arms out and signal to everybody and make sure they knew that I was a warm and inviting person, right? This was before my sabbatical. But what I realized I was doing during my sabbatical, I went through all my healing was, I was really saying, I'm an open book and I, in mentally, My hands were up in front of me. They were defending me, they were holding people back, because my mindset was, but if you knew me, you wouldn't have had to ask that question. Right. So sometimes the mask is there, not to hide who you are so much, but to hide from people what you don't want them to know about you. See, there's some people that have gotten healing about things. But they know that the audience that they're speaking to, may not be receptive to that.
The woman that's
had an abortion, and is speaking into a church audience is going to have a little bit deeper of a hill to climb than a woman that's had an abortion speaking on a main stage in a secular world. A woman that's married to a man that they're unequally yoked, or he's an alcoholic, or he's got porn addiction, or maybe she has porn, addiction, those are all things that they don't just bring up in the Bible studies anymore. These are the things that we look at. And we address and we talk about at this unmasked conference we're going to be doing, but these are the things that we look at and talk about every day, in, in my small groups, and in my coaching with women, we want to see you You be the best version of yourself. Excuse me, I'm still getting over a cold. It's been lagging for about a month now. But here's the deal. I want each and every woman to be able to walk boldly and confidently in the belief that they are the best woman for the moment of the life that they are living right now. And the only way we can do that is if we're being honest and open with ourselves, and surrounding ourselves with other women who will be open and honest with us. So it's my hope that you'll engage more with us whether you're listening to the podcast, reading the magazine, being part of our divas making an impact group coming to the mask conference, but not so much so that we can pour into you but the cheer life lessons can help another woman. Because that's the other mask we hide behind. A lot of times we say we've been through this. But we don't ever reach out and help others that are in the thick of it right now. Walk out of it. See, we've already been there. We've already been battered, we've already been bruised, we've already been there. We've already done that. We may have a closet full of T shirts. But until we're ready to turn around and help another woman with our story. Then why did we even accept going through it in the first place. There's a couple of books out there that a couple of other authors and podcasters and stuff that have different approaches is to thank you for raping me, or thank you for my part or my part in the rain or different things like that. And, and those are hard, hard things to accept, you know, they are very hard things to accept. But there's a lesson in everything we go through. It may not be an easy lesson, it may be a very difficult lesson. It may be a brutally honest, gut wrenching tear you up from one side to another lesson you have to learn. But the good that can come out of it to help somebody else
is magnificent.
And I want to challenge each and every one of you that have had some yuck in your life that maybe have swept it under the the carpet, maybe have ignored, stuffed and suppressed. I want you to just embrace the the suck, right? I want you to realize that there are times in our life that things happen, that suck, I'm just gonna say it, they suck. But if we can embrace the lessons that can come out of that about how much stronger we've become, how much more powerful we become, how we can help others not to put themselves in the rights into dangerous situations how to help themselves to see danger before it comes, how to help them defend themselves, how to help them see that there is far more out there for them than living held captive by the things that have happened to them, then all of what I've been through, makes it so much worthwhile. I don't say that I wish I had had my sexual assault, I absolutely do not. But if I had to endure it, I would want the enduring to happen so that I could benefit somebody else and help them know not to put themselves in the situation that I had myself. Now, I'm not blaming a victim, I'm not accepting blame for a victim, the person that perpetrated me was the wrong person. He did that he was the one that did that. But on the other side of it, some of us are victim of words. Some of us are victim of actions. And until those of us that have been through the suck of life, and embrace the lessons from it, are able to turn around and help those others that are stuck in the mire of the suck and the moment.
Then everything we went through was for nothing.
So
I'm going to talk about today's everyday diva. Because a few years ago, I went through a training class it was called mending the soul. And this was during the time that I was doing my sabbatical. And and I really didn't know what I was getting into. I kind of asked her about the class that she had. And she goes, Okay, you're in my group. That's it. And so I show up this group and the very first meeting at six people in a room and, and I'm told that it's like chemotherapy for the first five weeks.
Here's the deal.
I've never had cancer. I don't
ever want to have cancer, I'd seen people walk through it. But if I had ever had cancer, I would imagine that's what that first five to six weeks were. There were things that I wrote down in that book, there were things that I revealed to myself there was healing that went on inside myself, called mending the soul, where
I really did not want to admit.
But this leader walked us through ever so graciously non judgmental, non confronting, just kept asking the right questions in the right way to help us have self realization of where we've been and where we're going. And that everyday diva is Janet man or Janet mer manner is a woman who she's small, and she's petite. But she stands 10 foot tall. She is a wife of former Air Force guy who worked as a pilot and just retired they are living the life in Kansas now. And has three children that serve our country, in the armed services and, and she is a force to be reckoned with in the industry spiritual realm. And so she really helped facilitate the journey it took me through to be able to see that the things that happened to me in my past didn't have to hold me captive today. And the things that happened in my past could actually be a launching board for helping other people and not out of a chip on my shoulder. Not out of a I'm a victim mindset. But out of a I have found victory on the other side of the situation mindset. And I am so honored and so excited to name her today is everyday RD everyday divas. And I cannot wait for you to learn more about her. She has a group called real evolution. And she is just an amazing, dynamic woman. And you'll be seeing her more in our divas impact making a divas making an impact group on Facebook
if you're a part of that group
because what she does and and how she inspires and encourages women is done so with such a tempered hand of firmness, but of grace, and I am so excited to honor her today. So thank you so much for listening this week. Remember, you can nominate your own everyday divas you can submit articles for the magazine. We're always looking for guests to be on our show as we expand our show out to more episodes. And we are looking forward to our time with you next time so until then, have a blessed week.