What is Projection and how it shows up in relationships

Trigger Proof Transmissions (Cyclebreaker Collective)

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محتوای ارائه شده توسط Dr. Nima Rahmany. تمام محتوای پادکست شامل قسمت‌ها، گرافیک‌ها و توضیحات پادکست مستقیماً توسط Dr. Nima Rahmany یا شریک پلتفرم پادکست آن‌ها آپلود و ارائه می‌شوند. اگر فکر می‌کنید شخصی بدون اجازه شما از اثر دارای حق نسخه‌برداری شما استفاده می‌کند، می‌توانید روندی که در اینجا شرح داده شده است را دنبال کنید.https://fa.player.fm/legal

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Black Mirror Season 7 28:30

10 روز پیش28:30

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28:30

We're trying something different this week: a full post-show breakdown of every episode in the latest season of Black Mirror! Ari Romero is joined by Tudum's Black Mirror expert, Keisha Hatchett, to give you all the nuance, the insider commentary, and the details you might have missed in this incredible new season. Plus commentary from creator & showrunner Charlie Brooker! SPOILER ALERT: We're talking about the new season in detail and revealing key plot points. If you haven't watched yet, and you don't want to know what happens, turn back now! You can watch all seven seasons of Black Mirror now in your personalized virtual theater . Follow Netflix Podcasts and read more about Black Mirror on Tudum.com .…

حدود یک سال پیش 2:24

MP3•خانه قسمت

If there was one thing I wished more people

struggling with conflict in relationships understood,

it’s this:

IT’S NEVER ABOUT WHAT IT’S ABOUT.

The disagreement?

It’s only the tip of the iceberg.

What’s really happening is something much deeper—

a projection, like a movie playing on a screen.

But the drama isn’t on the screen.

It’s inside the projector—YOU.

You know the cycle, don’t you.

The same arguments on repeat, like a bad playlist you can’t escape.
The rising tension that makes you feel unseen, unheard, and powerless.
The emotional meltdowns that leave you drained,
questioning if love is supposed to feel this heavy.

You’ve tried everything—calm conversations,

walking away, maybe even couples therapy.

But nothing sticks.

The same wounds keep showing up,

dressed in different clothes.

It’s exhausting.

You’ve wondered:

“Why do they keep doing this?”
“Why can’t I just find someone who gets me?”
“Is it me? Am I the problem?”

And here’s the truth you don’t want to hear but need to:

Yes, it’s you (like the Taylor Swift song).

But not in the way you think.

This is the essence of “Projections" in relationships.

Every time you’re triggered, two hidden dynamics are at play:

Projection 1: “Just Like When”

That trait in your partner—their tone, their distance, their bossiness—

that sets you off-- It’s a carbon copy of someone from your past

(you know who I’m talking about).

Maybe it’s your partner’s dismissiveness that echoes your mother’s silent treatment.

Or their criticism that feels eerily like your father’s impossible standards.

You’re not fighting your partner.

You’re fighting a ghost.

Projection 2: “Just Like Me”

This confronts many people at the Overview Experience Training:

The thing you can’t stand in them— It’s a mirror to a part of yourself

you’ve disowned or stuffed away, or rejected.

Example:

Their neediness makes you furious
because you’ve buried your own parts that are anxious and needy.
Their jealousy drives you mad because it reflects your own insecurities.

This is why conflict feels so raw—

it’s not just about the relationship.

It’s about the unresolved parts of you.

This is why having the courage to look at your own shadows

is so magical.

Imagine this:

Instead of avoiding conflict, you lean into it as a tool for growth.
Arguments stop feeling like emotional landmines
and start becoming opportunities for intimacy.
You no longer chase love, approval, or security. You become it.

When you learn how to “integrate" these two projections,

everything changes:

You stop blaming your partner for your triggers.
You reclaim your power and become the secure partner you’ve been searching for.
You create a relationship where love feels like peace, not chaos.

Try This: Shadow Work in Action

Here’s a simple exercise to take your first step:

Pause. Take a deep breath the next time you’re triggered.
Reflect. Ask yourself:
“Who does this remind me of?”
“What’s the first memory this situation brings up?”

You will notice that this frustration is a reflection,
just like when you were younger in a similar dynamic.
You’re replaying it as a chance to heal.

Then pick up the mirror. Now ask:
“What trait in them might actually be a reflection of me?”
“Where do I do the same in my own flavor?”
"What part of myself am I rejecting right now?”

Write your answers down when you’re reflecting.

This is where things begin to shift.

Imagine waking up each day,

no longer held hostage by your triggers.
No more arguments spiraling into chaos.
No more chasing approval or fearing abandonment.

Instead, you approach conflict with clarity and grace.
You stand grounded in your truth—without anger, without fear.

You create relationships that feel like a safe haven, not a battlefield.

When you put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror,

something extraordinary happens:

You stop waiting for someone else to change,

and you become the catalyst for transformation.

This is the power of becoming Trigger-Proof.

It’s not about being perfect.
It’s about showing up authentically,

owning your story, and learning to repair when things go off track.

Because the quality of your relationships shapes the quality of your life—

and you hold the key to both.

This pattern didn’t start with you,

but with the right tools, the power is in your hands for it to end with you.

Your guide in breaking the cycle,
Nima
------
P.S. If this podcast resonates,
and you’re ready to stop losing yourself in relationships…

I’m offering a free Blind Spot Intuitive Session ($497 value)
to those who are serious about breaking free from this cycle
and creating secure, thriving relationships.

On this session, we’ll identify the exact unconscious patterns keeping you stuck
in enmeshment and map out how to reclaim your independence
without losing your connection.

But here’s the catch: This is only for those who can follow instructions,
and aren’t going to be too offended by some critical feedback.

If you’re ready to see your blind spots
and make the changes that will shift your love life,
DM with

your back story and what your situation has been like
how this has been impacting your work
what therapies and modalities you’ve tried to resolve it

And finish the reponse with “Nima can I get a link to your private calendar?”
and if I think I can help you from the back story you provided,
I’ll send you a link to my calendar.

Let’s break the cycle, together.

374 قسمت

What is Projection and how it shows up in relationships

Trigger Proof Transmissions (Cyclebreaker Collective)

published حدود یک سال پیش

اشتراک گذاری

MP3•خانه قسمت

If there was one thing I wished more people

struggling with conflict in relationships understood,

it’s this:

IT’S NEVER ABOUT WHAT IT’S ABOUT.

The disagreement?

It’s only the tip of the iceberg.

What’s really happening is something much deeper—

a projection, like a movie playing on a screen.

But the drama isn’t on the screen.

It’s inside the projector—YOU.

You know the cycle, don’t you.

The same arguments on repeat, like a bad playlist you can’t escape.
The rising tension that makes you feel unseen, unheard, and powerless.
The emotional meltdowns that leave you drained,
questioning if love is supposed to feel this heavy.

You’ve tried everything—calm conversations,

walking away, maybe even couples therapy.

But nothing sticks.

The same wounds keep showing up,

dressed in different clothes.

It’s exhausting.

You’ve wondered:

“Why do they keep doing this?”
“Why can’t I just find someone who gets me?”
“Is it me? Am I the problem?”

And here’s the truth you don’t want to hear but need to:

Yes, it’s you (like the Taylor Swift song).

But not in the way you think.

This is the essence of “Projections" in relationships.

Every time you’re triggered, two hidden dynamics are at play:

Projection 1: “Just Like When”

That trait in your partner—their tone, their distance, their bossiness—

that sets you off-- It’s a carbon copy of someone from your past

(you know who I’m talking about).

Maybe it’s your partner’s dismissiveness that echoes your mother’s silent treatment.

Or their criticism that feels eerily like your father’s impossible standards.

You’re not fighting your partner.

You’re fighting a ghost.

Projection 2: “Just Like Me”

This confronts many people at the Overview Experience Training:

The thing you can’t stand in them— It’s a mirror to a part of yourself

you’ve disowned or stuffed away, or rejected.

Example:

Their neediness makes you furious
because you’ve buried your own parts that are anxious and needy.
Their jealousy drives you mad because it reflects your own insecurities.

This is why conflict feels so raw—

it’s not just about the relationship.

It’s about the unresolved parts of you.

This is why having the courage to look at your own shadows

is so magical.

Imagine this:

Instead of avoiding conflict, you lean into it as a tool for growth.
Arguments stop feeling like emotional landmines
and start becoming opportunities for intimacy.
You no longer chase love, approval, or security. You become it.

When you learn how to “integrate" these two projections,

everything changes:

You stop blaming your partner for your triggers.
You reclaim your power and become the secure partner you’ve been searching for.
You create a relationship where love feels like peace, not chaos.

Try This: Shadow Work in Action

Here’s a simple exercise to take your first step:

Pause. Take a deep breath the next time you’re triggered.
Reflect. Ask yourself:
“Who does this remind me of?”
“What’s the first memory this situation brings up?”

You will notice that this frustration is a reflection,
just like when you were younger in a similar dynamic.
You’re replaying it as a chance to heal.

Then pick up the mirror. Now ask:
“What trait in them might actually be a reflection of me?”
“Where do I do the same in my own flavor?”
"What part of myself am I rejecting right now?”

Write your answers down when you’re reflecting.

This is where things begin to shift.

Imagine waking up each day,

no longer held hostage by your triggers.
No more arguments spiraling into chaos.
No more chasing approval or fearing abandonment.

Instead, you approach conflict with clarity and grace.
You stand grounded in your truth—without anger, without fear.

You create relationships that feel like a safe haven, not a battlefield.

When you put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror,

something extraordinary happens:

You stop waiting for someone else to change,

and you become the catalyst for transformation.

This is the power of becoming Trigger-Proof.

It’s not about being perfect.
It’s about showing up authentically,

owning your story, and learning to repair when things go off track.

Because the quality of your relationships shapes the quality of your life—

and you hold the key to both.

This pattern didn’t start with you,

but with the right tools, the power is in your hands for it to end with you.

Your guide in breaking the cycle,
Nima
------
P.S. If this podcast resonates,
and you’re ready to stop losing yourself in relationships…

I’m offering a free Blind Spot Intuitive Session ($497 value)
to those who are serious about breaking free from this cycle
and creating secure, thriving relationships.

On this session, we’ll identify the exact unconscious patterns keeping you stuck
in enmeshment and map out how to reclaim your independence
without losing your connection.

But here’s the catch: This is only for those who can follow instructions,
and aren’t going to be too offended by some critical feedback.

If you’re ready to see your blind spots
and make the changes that will shift your love life,
DM with

your back story and what your situation has been like
how this has been impacting your work
what therapies and modalities you’ve tried to resolve it

And finish the reponse with “Nima can I get a link to your private calendar?”
and if I think I can help you from the back story you provided,
I’ll send you a link to my calendar.

Let’s break the cycle, together.

374 قسمت

All episodes

1
Why Betrayal Feels Like Death 2:46

۳ روز پیش2:46

2:46

Have you ever noticed how a certain trigger can instantly collapse your sense of self? One moment you're confident and clear. The next – in the presence of that trigger – It’s like you get a flashback… and become a different version of yourself. Smaller. Reactive. Disconnected from your power. This pattern has a name: Incomplete individuation. And it might be the invisible force keeping you trapped in painful relationship cycles – especially including the aftermath of betrayal. I was recently reviewing a conversation about individuation that resonated deeply with many high achievers in my community. The insight was profound: "It's not you I'm trying to run away from. It's the fear of losing myself because I can't have myself when I'm with you." For those who find this familiar, consider how this pattern might show up in your life: Perhaps you're highly successful professionally – making decisions confidently, leading teams effectively, navigating complex situations with ease. Yet in certain personal relationships, something shifts. Your boundaries dissolve. Your clarity fades. Your authentic voice becomes muted. You might find yourself thinking: "Why do I keep attracting the same type of partner?" or "Why do I become a different person in certain relationships?" The answer often lies in our earliest relationships – with our parents or primary caregivers. Here's what many people discover when exploring this pattern: There are typically two paths of incomplete individuation: The first is idealization. Perhaps one parent was placed on a pedestal – seen as perfect, infallible, the source of all wisdom and validation. Their approval became essential for your sense of worth. The second is persistent resentment. Maybe you defined yourself in opposition to a parent – "I'll never be like them" – yet find yourself unconsciously recreating similar dynamics in your relationships– or to your horror: Becoming just like them. In both cases, the result is the same: you haven't fully separated your sense of self from these primary relationships. One woman I recently spoke to during an intuitive blind spot session was still identifying as “the black sheep” and had a tough edge to her– and couldn’t see that she was reaffirming this identity almost daily. All this came up after her husband’s affair. This becomes particularly painful after experiencing betrayal in adult relationships. When betrayal occurs, it doesn't just wound the present relationship. It activates every unresolved attachment wound from your past. The pain feels unbearable because it's not just about what happened now – it's about every time you've felt abandoned, unseen, or betrayed since childhood. And here's the cruel irony for intelligent folks: The very traits that make you successful in your career can mask this wound. Your ability to compartmentalize. Your skill at managing emotions. Your focus on achievement rather than feelings. These coping mechanisms work brilliantly in professional contexts. But in intimate relationships– they can keep you trapped in cycles of disconnection. The physical experience of this pattern is unmistakable: That tightness in your chest when certain people call. The flashbacks of betrayal when you go to a restaurant. The way your voice changes around specific family members. The sudden brain fog when faced with conflict in close relationships. The inexplicable anxiety before holiday gatherings. Your body knows the truth before your mind acknowledges it. A client of mine – a successful executive who had experienced a devastating betrayal in her marriage – described it perfectly: "I can command a boardroom of fifty people without breaking a sweat. But sitting across from my husband in therapy? I literally couldn't find my words. It was like I became a child again – desperate for approval, terrified of abandonment." This wasn't just about her husband's betrayal. It was about a lifetime of incomplete individuation that made the betrayal feel like dying inside. Because when we haven't fully individuated, betrayal doesn't just feel like losing a relationship. It feels like losing ourselves. Here's where it gets even more painful: This pattern doesn't just affect our romantic relationships. It shows up in how we parent. In our friendships. In our professional relationships with authority figures. And until we address it, we remain vulnerable to people who – consciously or unconsciously – exploit this wound. The person who can't set boundaries with an unreasonable boss. The partner who tolerates infidelity because "at least he comes home to me." The friend who abandons their needs the moment conflict arises. All are showing signs of incomplete individuation. For high achievers, this pattern creates a particularly painful paradox: The more successful you become externally, the more disconnected you may feel internally. You build empires while your sense of self remains fragile. You manage millions while struggling to manage your own emotions. You advise others while doubting your own instincts in relationships. I know this pattern intimately because I lived it. At 43 years old – after another failed relationship – I realized I hadn't truly individuated from my parents. Despite decades of personal development work, I was still caught in those early patterns. So I did something radical: I moved back in with them. At rock bottom. With my tail between my legs. Not to regress, but to finally grow up. To learn to be fully myself in their presence. To love them without needing them to be different. To stand in my truth without collapsing or attacking. It was the hardest work I've ever done. And the most necessary. And here's what I discovered: True individuation isn't about cutting people off (though sometimes temporary distance is needed for clarity). True individuation is being able to say: "I can be around you and not lose myself." This is the foundation of all healthy relationships – and the key to healing after betrayal. Because when you're fully individuated: * Betrayal still hurts – but it doesn't destroy your sense of self * Conflict feels manageable – not world-ending * You can love without abandoning your own needs * You can set boundaries without fear of rejection * You can stay present during emotional flashbacks and dissolve them quickly. This capacity transforms not just how you relate to others, but how you relate to yourself. The path to this freedom isn't quick or easy. But it is possible. It begins with recognizing the patterns that have kept you bound to old relationships – whether through idealization or resentment. It continues as you learn to stay connected to yourself when those old patterns get triggered. And it culminates in a profound realization: that your worth and wholeness were never dependent on anyone else's validation or betrayal. They were always, already yours. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima (I stand for healed families) ___________________________________________________ P.S. If this message resonated with you, and you're ready to explore how incomplete individuation might be affecting your relationships (especially after betrayal), I may be able to help. I'm offering a limited number of I...…

1
What Is Individuation And Why We Need To Do It 2:01

۵ weeks پیش2:01

2:01

There's a particular frustration many people experience on their healing journey. They've done extensive work on themselves. Read the books on attachment theory. Attended the workshops on communication. Polarity programs galore.Invested in the therapy sessions. Mastered the art of recognizing their patterns. Yet somehow, (even the therapists I talk to) many still find themselves: Making decisions based on what others will think Abandoning themselves in relationships to keep the peace Feeling triggered by the same old conflicts, despite their awareness Watching themselves react in ways that sabotage their deepest desires If you resonate with this experience, there's often a question that arises: "What's missing? I know in my head what I have to do, I just have no idea how to do it”. The answer is simpler—and more challenging—than most people think. Individuation. It's the critical piece absent from most personal growth work. The threshold one must cross to truly transform relationships. And it's what separates those who understand their patterns from those who actually break them. Here's what this means... Individuation is the psychological process of becoming one's true self outside the expectations of family, culture, and society. It's the hero's journey of separating from the identity constructed to belong and survive in a family system. Consider if any of these scenarios feel familiar: Still seeking parental approval, even if only subtly Hesitating to express truth for fear of disrupting family harmony Difficulty making major life decisions without consulting others first Building a career based on what was expected rather than what was desired Abandoning personal needs to maintain relationships If these scenarios resonate, complete individuation may not have occurred in your life. (And that’s not your fault– because nobody teaches it specifically). And here's the crucial insight most therapists miss: Until individuation happens, people often remain the child who reacts in self-sabotaging ways. This is why knowledge doesn't always translate into change. A person might understand their patterns intellectually. They can name their attachment style. They can identify their triggers. But in the heat of conflict, that intellectual understanding evaporates. The wounded child takes over. And all good intentions vanish. This dynamic plays out repeatedly with high-achieving professionals who excel in their careers but struggle in their personal relationships. The successful executive who can manage multi-million dollar projects but feels paralyzed when setting boundaries with parents or partner. The brilliant attorney who can command a courtroom but shrinks in the presence of a critical mother. The accomplished entrepreneur who built an empire but still seeks validation from a father who never gave it. The undercurrent is always the same: extraordinary success in the external world, persistent struggle in the internal one. Ever wondered why? Because external achievement doesn't automatically create internal freedom. It's possible to climb to the top of a field while still emotionally operating from the programming of childhood. To master the art of leadership while still being led by unconscious patterns. To build financial independence while remaining psychologically dependent. This is why so many outwardly successful people feel like impostors in their own lives. They've built impressive external structures on fragile internal foundations. And the cost can be immense: Relationships that follow the same painful patterns despite different partners A nagging sense of emptiness despite significant achievements Chronic anxiety that no amount of success seems to alleviate A persistent feeling of not being enough, no matter what's accomplished Intimate relationships that are completely sexless that lack intimacy Most painful of all can be the distance between who a person pretends to be and who they truly are. The gap between the persona shown to the world and the authentic self never fully claimed. This is the shadow side of non-individuation. Living someone else's version of life. Making choices from fear rather than freedom. To be clear: Individuation isn't about rejecting family or culture. It's not about rebellion for its own sake. It's about the courage to define oneself beyond the roles assigned. It's about distinguishing between authentic desires and conditioned responses. It's about claiming the authority to author one's own life. And yes, it will almost kill a person in the process. Because individuation requires risking not belonging. It demands facing the terror of potentially being cast out from the tribe that raised them. It asks for stepping into the unknown territory of authentic selfhood without the map a family provided. This is why it's so rare. It's easier to stay comfortable in the familiar discomfort of non-individuation. It's less threatening to repeat patterns than to risk creating new ones. It's safer to remain “the good son or daughter” than to become the authentic adult. But here's what's waiting on the other side: Relationships where showing up as a whole self is possible, not just the acceptable part Decisions made from inner clarity rather than external expectation Freedom from the exhaustion of constantly trying to please others The profound peace that comes from internal alignment This level of transformation isn't achieved through passive learning or intellectual understanding. One can't read their way to individuation. One can't talk their way to individuation. One can't think their way to individuation. It requires active, embodied work that reaches the nervous system where these patterns are stored. It demands creating new experiences— not just new insights—that rewire the sense of self at the most fundamental level. This is the work that changes everything. Not because it gives new information, but because it makes a new person. Not the person parents needed them to be. Not the person culture shaped them to be. Not the person trauma forced them to be. But the person they were born to become. It’s what you’ve been summoned to createin this one life of yours. You got this. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima (I stand for healed families) ________________________________________________________ P.S. For those who resonated with this message and feel ready to uncover their specific individuation blind spots, there's an opportunity for personalized guidance. A limited number of Blind Spot Sessions (valued at $497) are available for those serious about understanding the unique ways non-individuation is affecting their relationships and life choices. In just one 30-minute session, you get to discover: The precise ways your family system still influences your adult decisions Which specific relationships are most affected by your lack of individuation The hidden patterns keeping you tethered to old identities A personalized roadmap for beginning true individuation Unlike books, podcasts, or t...…

1
How to Interrupt the Fawn Response 46:14

۵ weeks پیش46:14

46:14

Fawning as a trauma response is something I see so often in my work-people saying yes when they mean no, over-accommodating to avoid conflict, and ultimately losing themselves in the process. I know this pattern well because I've lived it, and breaking free from it changed everything for me. In this conversation with Michelle Chalafant, I dive deep into the roots of fawning, how it's ingrained in cultural conditioning, and why it leads to resentment and burnout. More importantly, I share how to recognize when you're caught in this cycle and the steps to reclaim your voice, set boundaries, and start living from a place of true self-worth. If you've ever struggled with people-pleasing, self-abandonment, or the fear of disappointing others, this conversation will give you a new lens to see what's really going on-and how to change it. Take a listen and let me know what stands out for you. #HowtoHealTrauma #StopAbandoningYourself #StopSelfAbandonment #consciousgrowth #consciousrecovery #conscioustransformation #empoweredhealing #empoweredliving #growthmindset #healingperspectives #identityhealing #identityreclaim #identityrestoration #nurturinghealing #nurturingself #overcomingvictimhood #positiveperspectives #selfcompassion #shiftingperspectives #victimmentality #victimrecovery #vulnerabilityinhealing #vulnerableself ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Attachment Style Quiz: https://go.drnima.com/0fn1i ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- P.S. If this message struck a chord, and you're tired of the endless cycle of hope and disappointment in your relationships, I'm offering a limited number of Blind Spot Sessions (valued at $497) for those who are truly ready to transform. This isn't therapy. It's not about rehashing your past or learning more techniques. It's about identifying the precise blind spots keeping you trapped in the loop of doom. This is for FREE for the right person. To be considered, DM with: Your backstory (relationship patterns, key challenges) What you've already tried that hasn't worked What you hope to achieve through this work Finish with: "Nima, can I please get a link to your private calendar?" Only respond if you're ready to look in the mirror, not the magnifying glass. The truth will set you free, but first, it might piss you off.…

1
𝗪𝗛𝗬 𝗪𝗢𝗠𝗘𝗡 𝗞𝗘𝗘𝗣 𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗡𝗔𝗥𝗖𝗜𝗦𝗦𝗜𝗦𝗧𝗜𝗖 𝗠𝗘𝗡 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥 2:06

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Are you tired of attracting narcissistic men into your life, only to find yourself stuck in a cycle of toxic relationships? It's time to break free from this pattern and discover the underlying reasons why you keep attracting these types of men. In this video, we'll explore how unresolved trauma and poor emotional regulation can lead to a lack of healthy limits and boundaries, making you more susceptible to narcissistic abuse. By understanding the importance of nervous system regulation, polarity healing, and mindful living, you'll learn how to set resilient boundaries that empower you to create safe and authentic connections. Take the first step towards personal empowerment and join me on this journey of self-discovery and growth: Free attachment style quiz link: https://go.drnima.com/0fn1i…

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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐓𝐨𝐱𝐢𝐜 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐬 1:46

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Why do you keep choosing toxic partners? It’s not just about attracting them—it’s about being attracted to them. This deep-rooted pattern stems from unresolved anxious attachment and a fear of abandonment. In this short but powerful video, I break down how your avoidant tendencies push away your emotions, creating a blind spot that keeps you stuck in unhealthy relationships. Watch now to uncover the truth and break free from toxic cycles! 🔔 Subscribe for more insights on relationships, attachment styles, and personal growth! 📢 Share this with someone who needs to hear it! #AbandonmentIssues #AnxietyRecovery #AnxiousAttachment #ConsciousLove #ConsciousPartnerships #ConsciousRelationships #CouplesTherapy #EmotionalRegulation #FeminineEnergy #FeminineEssence #FeminineFlow #Gaslighting #GenderPolarity #LovePolarity #MindfulPartnerships #NervousSystemRegulation #PersonalEmpowerment #Polarity #PolarityPlay #PolarityTherapy #RelationshipEnhancement #RelationshipMastery #RelationshipPolarity #SelfAwareness #ToxicCycles…

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From Soulmates To Cellmates: The Dark Side of Love 2:04

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In this video, we explore the phenomenon where initial 'soulmate' connections transform into confining 'cellmate' relationships. Discover how powerful first impressions can sometimes be rooted in unresolved traumas, leading to patterns that mirror our primary attachments. By understanding trauma bonds, we can break free from these cycles and foster healthier, secure relationships. Join us as we discuss the journey from recognizing these patterns to achieving personal healing and building fulfilling connections. Upcoming Overview Experience Virtual Event (Every month) Dissolve your current relationship resentment, heal your attachment wounds, resolve your past and bring clarity to your next step.…

1
What is Projection and how it shows up in relationships 2:24

۸ weeks پیش2:24

2:24

If there was one thing I wished more people struggling with conflict in relationships understood, it’s this: IT’S NEVER ABOUT WHAT IT’S ABOUT. The disagreement? It’s only the tip of the iceberg. What’s really happening is something much deeper— a projection, like a movie playing on a screen. But the drama isn’t on the screen. It’s inside the projector—YOU. You know the cycle, don’t you. The same arguments on repeat, like a bad playlist you can’t escape. The rising tension that makes you feel unseen, unheard, and powerless. The emotional meltdowns that leave you drained, questioning if love is supposed to feel this heavy. You’ve tried everything—calm conversations, walking away, maybe even couples therapy. But nothing sticks. The same wounds keep showing up, dressed in different clothes. It’s exhausting. You’ve wondered: “Why do they keep doing this?” “Why can’t I just find someone who gets me?” “Is it me? Am I the problem?” And here’s the truth you don’t want to hear but need to: Yes, it’s you (like the Taylor Swift song). But not in the way you think. This is the essence of “Projections" in relationships. Every time you’re triggered, two hidden dynamics are at play: Projection 1: “Just Like When” That trait in your partner—their tone, their distance, their bossiness— that sets you off-- It’s a carbon copy of someone from your past (you know who I’m talking about). Maybe it’s your partner’s dismissiveness that echoes your mother’s silent treatment. Or their criticism that feels eerily like your father’s impossible standards. You’re not fighting your partner. You’re fighting a ghost. Projection 2: “Just Like Me” This confronts many people at the Overview Experience Training: The thing you can’t stand in them— It’s a mirror to a part of yourself you’ve disowned or stuffed away, or rejected. Example: Their neediness makes you furious because you’ve buried your own parts that are anxious and needy. Their jealousy drives you mad because it reflects your own insecurities. This is why conflict feels so raw— it’s not just about the relationship. It’s about the unresolved parts of you. This is why having the courage to look at your own shadows is so magical. Imagine this: Instead of avoiding conflict, you lean into it as a tool for growth. Arguments stop feeling like emotional landmines and start becoming opportunities for intimacy. You no longer chase love, approval, or security. You become it. When you learn how to “integrate" these two projections, everything changes: You stop blaming your partner for your triggers. You reclaim your power and become the secure partner you’ve been searching for. You create a relationship where love feels like peace, not chaos. Try This: Shadow Work in Action Here’s a simple exercise to take your first step: Pause. Take a deep breath the next time you’re triggered. Reflect. Ask yourself: “Who does this remind me of?” “What’s the first memory this situation brings up?” You will notice that this frustration is a reflection, just like when you were younger in a similar dynamic. You’re replaying it as a chance to heal. Then pick up the mirror. Now ask: “What trait in them might actually be a reflection of me?” “Where do I do the same in my own flavor?” "What part of myself am I rejecting right now?” Write your answers down when you’re reflecting. This is where things begin to shift. Imagine waking up each day, no longer held hostage by your triggers. No more arguments spiraling into chaos. No more chasing approval or fearing abandonment. Instead, you approach conflict with clarity and grace. You stand grounded in your truth—without anger, without fear. You create relationships that feel like a safe haven, not a battlefield. When you put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror, something extraordinary happens: You stop waiting for someone else to change, and you become the catalyst for transformation. This is the power of becoming Trigger-Proof. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about showing up authentically, owning your story, and learning to repair when things go off track. Because the quality of your relationships shapes the quality of your life— and you hold the key to both. This pattern didn’t start with you, but with the right tools, the power is in your hands for it to end with you. Your guide in breaking the cycle, Nima ------ P.S. If this podcast resonates, and you’re ready to stop losing yourself in relationships… I’m offering a free Blind Spot Intuitive Session ($497 value) to those who are serious about breaking free from this cycle and creating secure, thriving relationships. On this session, we’ll identify the exact unconscious patterns keeping you stuck in enmeshment and map out how to reclaim your independence without losing your connection. But here’s the catch: This is only for those who can follow instructions, and aren’t going to be too offended by some critical feedback. If you’re ready to see your blind spots and make the changes that will shift your love life, DM with your back story and what your situation has been like how this has been impacting your work what therapies and modalities you’ve tried to resolve it And finish the reponse with “Nima can I get a link to your private calendar?” and if I think I can help you from the back story you provided, I’ll send you a link to my calendar. Let’s break the cycle, together.…

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How Dads Help Build Secure Attachments in Children 1:45

13 weeks پیش1:45

1:45

I was talking with Dr. Russ about parenting, and something hit me like a ton of bricks: Our kids don’t just inherit our genes— they inherit our patterns. Let that sink in for a moment. Your child doesn’t just pick up your smile or your laugh. They pick up your unresolved wounds, your triggers, and the ways you’ve learned (or failed) to self-regulate. If you’ve ever caught your child responding with the same anxiety, frustration, or avoidance you recognize in yourself, you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s hard to see a child act out of their own fears, insecurities, and lack of self worth. What’s worse is when you know damn well where they got it from. It’s like looking into a mirror you didn’t ask for. See if any of this resonates: The moments when you see your child shut down during conflict, just like you may do. Or when they explode in frustration, unable to express what they’re feeling— just like you might recognize within yourself. And as parents, we love them so fiercely, but sometimes we find ourselves repeating the very patterns we swore we’d never pass on: Yelling when they don’t listen. Avoiding conflict because we don’t want to feel like the “bad guy.” Over-apologizing or over-explaining because we can’t bear to see them upset. We may catch ourselves and think: Where did that come from? And then it hits: It’s me. It’s all me. That shame can be paralyzing. Tell me if this relates at all. THE ROLE OF A FATHER (AND THE SECRET TO BREAKING THE CYCLE) In my journey as a dad, I’ve had a game-changing realization: My most important job isn’t to teach Dominic how to be secure. IT’S TO MODEL IT. That means learning how to self-regulate so I don’t pass down the anxious and reactive patterns I grew up with. It means showing him, through my actions, what it looks like to be calm, grounded, attuned, present, empathetic, and EMOTIONALLY SAFE parent. It means supporting his mother in every way possible so she can pour into him from a full battery. The early years of his life are critical, not just for him, but for me too. If I want to raise a child who feels secure, loved, and capable, I have to do the inner work to become the man who models those things. Because here’s the truth: Kids don’t listen to what you say. THEY ABSORB WHO YOU ARE. As adults, we all carry the wounds of our childhood— unmet needs, unresolved emotions, and the patterns we learned to survive. When we become parents, we either: Heal those wounds, so our kids don’t inherit them. Or we pass them on, unconsciously repeating the cycle. And let’s be honest: Unless you had Unicorn parents, No one taught us how to do this. How to navigate big emotions, set elegant boundaries, or face our shadows. But we have a choice. One Simple Practice Here’s something I’ve been doing to shift the energy in my home: When Dominic has a meltdown or an emotional outburst, and I feel myself getting rattled, I pause and ask myself: “What am I making this mean about me?” This question alone shifts me into my “observer” consciousness. And I can quickly assess: Am I reacting from my own anxiety, frustration, or unresolved pain? Or am I holding space for him to feel seen, safe, and understood? It’s not easy, and I don’t always get it right. But every time I pause, I break the pattern just a little bit more. Here’s what I’ve learned: The greatest gift you can give your child isn’t toys, opportunities, or a private education. IT’S A REGULATED, SELF-LOVING PARENT. When you learn to meet your own needs, navigate your emotions, and set elegant boundaries, you create a ripple effect. Your kids grow up feeling safe to be themselves because they’re not absorbing your unresolved chaos. You stop passing down the patterns that kept you stuck— and you start raising a child who knows their worth, trusts their voice, a nd feels at home in their own skin. This is the promise: You CAN break the cycle. No matter how messy or overwhelming it feels right now, healing is always possible. Standing in unwavering belief in your capacity, Your wingman on the adventure, Nima _______________________________________________ If you’re ready to take the first step toward healing these patterns— for yourself, your partner, and your kids— I’ve got something special coming up. Starting next month, I’m leading a 3-week journey called “From Chaos to Connection: A Shadow Work Experience.” This immersive mini-course is being run in February and will help you: Understand the hidden dynamics in your relationships— with your partner, kids, and most importantly, yourself. Break free from the cycles of conflict and disconnection by uncovering and integrating your shadow. Learn how to create safety and connection in your home, starting with YOU. This isn’t just another personal development course. It’s a deep dive into the unseen forces driving your relationship patterns— so you can stop the chaos and start building a life of authentic connection and freedom. If you’d like to know more, comment with: “I’m ready to break the cycle.” I’ll send you all the details, including dates, times, and what you’ll learn in each week of the course. Spots are limited to 20, and message goes out to more than 80,000 people. This mini course is designed for people who are serious about creating real change. Let’s make this the moment where the cycle ends—and the connection begins. With love and belief in your power to shift, Nima…

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How I Became Emotionally Trigger-Proof: Shoshanna's Transformation Story 2:25

13 weeks پیش2:25

2:25

If you’ve spent years on personal growth— books, seminars, courses, even therapy— and still find yourself struggling with the same patterns, you’re not alone. I know this because I was there too. Landmark. NLP. Polarity courses. Masculine/Feminine communication workshops. Byron Katie. John Demartini. You name it, I’d tried it. I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars chasing transformation, convinced that if I could just fix myself enough, I’d finally feel worthy, confident, and free— and have a healthy relationship with someone I wasn’t so avoidant with. What I didn’t know: None of these cognitive methods ever taught me how to break free from the deeper, more invisible chains— the ones I couldn’t think or talk my way out of. The ones that were there long before I had the language to describe it. They didn’t teach me how to process my anger, disappointment, or frustration in real time — without reacting and making things worse. They didn’t teach me the difference between my intuition and a trauma response. They didn’t teach me how to respond to the chaos in my relationships instead of getting sucked into it. And they definitely didn’t teach me how to break free from the grip of codependency, trauma bonds and enmeshment. It wasn’t until I stepped back and asked a critical question: Why is all this personal development still leaving me stuck in the same emotional loops? The answer was shocking. Because I was trying to learn these skills the wrong way. I had a critical piece that was missing: Embodiment practice. It’s like trying to teach firefighters how to battle a blaze by handing them a book or having them vent in a therapy session. Sure, the theory might make sense— but when the heat is on, theory won’t put out the flames. What firefighters need are fire drills. They need to practice—over and over again— until responding with poise to a fire becomes second nature. The same is true for relationships, emotional regulation, and healing attachment wounds especially where codependency is concerned. This is what so many of us have been missing: the nuance, the subtle distinctions, the embodied practice. You can’t just read about secure relationships or watch a video on emotional regulation and expect your nervous system to magically fall in line. These are high level SKILLS— and they must be practiced in real time, much like a dance. You can’t learn the Tango from a podcast. You have to feel your way through it, making adjustments, stumbling, and finding your rhythm until it becomes natural. That’s the missing piece most personal development programs and weekly talk therapy sessions don’t address. ShoSho's story is a perfect example. She had done it all—Landmark, coaching, seminars, and still found herself feeling like she was crawling through a desert. She described her nervous system as being in a constant state of hypervigilance, consumed by global anger and self-doubt. Anything you try to learn under that context doesn’t quite land, does it. “I didn’t realize how much of my life was being run by unprocessed emotions,” she said. “This course was like a buffet of well-curated, nutrient-dense items I didn’t know I needed but had been starving for.” Through the work, ShoSho didn’t just learn new concepts. She rewired her nervous system, discovered how to process her emotions instead of shutting them down or being consumed by them, integrated her shadows, and met the parts of herself she was using courses and seminars to try to destroy, and as a result she was able to build the capacity to respond to life’s challenges without losing herself. Her relationship with her aging mother completely shifted. She stopped using personal growth as a covert form of self-hate and started practicing compassion, self regulation, and connection— things no book or seminar could teach her. This is the work of becoming Trigger-Proof. When you take this step: You stop reacting from autopilot and start creating relationships built on connection and safety. You learn to hold space for your emotions— and those of your loved ones—without being consumed by them. And you finally experience the peace and freedom that comes with breaking free from the cycle of chaos and codependency. Most importantly, you don’t just change your life— you create a ripple effect. You transform the way your loved ones experience you, and you model what’s possible for those around you. The greatest gift you can give your children, your partner, and yourself isn’t perfection—it’s self-love. It’s the courage to meet your darker parts with compassion, to navigate your emotions with grace, and to rewrite the story of your worth. This isn’t about fixing what’s broken; it’s about remembering who you are beneath the conditioning, the self-doubt, and the fear. It’s about stepping into an identity that no longer reacts to life on autopilot but instead responds with purpose, presence, and love. It’s not easy. But it is possible. Because healing isn’t a destination—it’s a practice. It’s choosing, moment by moment, to show up for yourself, to focus inward instead out outward, and to trust that transformation isn’t just a dream—it’s a spiritual process. If you’ve felt stuck, frustrated, or unworthy, and thinking that you’ve “tried everything”, I want you to know this: the path forward is real, and it’s waiting for you. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima ________________________________________________________ P.S. If you’re resonating with this message, and you’ve been spinning your wheels, trying everything you can think of to break free from old patterns, it’s time to take a different approach. I love talking to those who feel aligned with this depth of work. I’m listening. I offer an intuitive Blind Spot Call each week— a 30-minute session designed to help: Identify the hidden patterns and triggers keeping you stuck. Learn why cognitive methods alone haven’t worked—and what will. Map out a clear path to becoming Trigger-Proof, so you can create the relationships and life you deserve. Normally $...…

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Where Our Dysfunctional Relationship With Our Emotions Come From 2:53

13 weeks پیش2:53

2:53

Parents who admit to already having a dysfunctional relationship with their own emotions, have been asking me about their challenges with their children. This led me to want to bring something to your attention if you’re a parent who cares about raising healthy and resilient children. When your child comes to you with tears in their eyes, do you find yourself saying, “You’re fine, don’t cry”? When they act out, do you catch yourself losing patience—or even control? When they’re scared or angry, do you struggle to just sit with them without trying to fix it? These are the moments that define their inner world. Without knowing it, most of us have been conditioned to create a dysfunctional relationship with our own emotions— and are passing it down to our kids. Look in the past few months at the space within your home. Is your home a space of safety, or is it more like a battlefield? It’s not intentional. No parent wants this. But when we are reactive from our own unhealed wounds, the home becomes a place of tension, disconnection, and unpredictable emotions. And kids-- They absorb it. Every bit of it. What happens when kids grow up in homes without emotional safety? They learn to doubt themselves, just like we do. Anxiety: They start FEARING their emotions because no one taught them how to handle fear. Self-doubt: They question their worth because they never felt truly seen or valued. Emotional suppression: They hide their feelings because they see us doing the same— or worse, because we told them to. And they grow up with beliefs like: “I’m too much.” “If I cry, I’m weak.” “My feelings are a burden.” “To be loved, I have to be perfect.” These aren’t just thoughts—they become identities. If you can relate to them, and haven’t sorted them out, chances are you’re unknowingly passing it down to the next generation. Generations of us were raised on dismissive parenting practices. “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.” “You’re fine. Don’t be so dramatic.” “That’s nothing to be scared of.” “STOP BEING SO ANGRY." We were taught—directly or indirectly— that emotions are problems to fix, not experiences to feel. Zero tolerance for frustration, sadness, or fear, so we try to protect them from it— unknowingly setting them up to be fragile, with no self worth or self trust. Can you relate to feeling this way with the same challenges? And now, despite our best intentions, we’re unconsciously teaching our kids the same thing. We model it in the way we suppress our sadness or numb our anger. We react to their big emotions because we’ve never learned how to handle our own. We perpetuate the belief that emotions make us weak. And it’s no wonder: We didn’t learn how to become Trigger-Proof. Now, add this to the mix: Kids today are being raised on screens that hijack their nervous systems with endless dopamine. TikTok. Instagram. YouTube. They’re overstimulated, emotionally dysregulated, and starving for connection. If we, as parents, aren’t regulated ourselves, we can’t create the safety they need to navigate this world. And without safety, kids are left to fend for themselves in a storm of self-doubt, anxiety, and disconnection. It’s not hereditary—it’s conditioning. The Opportunity: The greatest gift you can give your child is a self-loving parent. (Read that again). When you heal your own attachment wounds, you break the cycle. When you learn how to regulate your nervous system, your kids feel safer with you. Their truth becomes safer with you, so their connection with themselves (and you) becomes stronger. When you create safety in your own emotions, you create safety in your home. This isn’t about being a perfect parent. It’s about becoming the parent your child needs— a regulated, compassionate, and present one. Imagine raising kids who: Trust their emotions instead of fearing them. Know their worth without questioning it. Feel safe to express themselves without shame. Grow up with a secure identity, unburdened by trauma. That’s what happens when you take the time to heal. When you step into this work, everything changes. You stop reacting and start responding. You create relationships that thrive on connection instead of chaos. You model self-worth, resilience, and emotional intelligence. This work isn’t just for your kids—it’s for you. Because you deserve to live in a home that feels like a sanctuary, not a battlefield. And you have the power to make it happen. Your wingman on the adventure. Nima __________________________________________________________________ P.S. If this message resonates, and you’re ready to break the cycle and create a home where your children feel safe, secure, and seen, let’s talk. A Blind Spot Call is a 30-minute session designed to help you: Identify how your childhood conditioning is affecting your parenting. Understand why your reactions are impacting your home dynamic— and how to shift them. Gain clarity on how to break the cycle of reactivity and create a family environment rooted in connection. Normally $497, this session is FREE for those who qualify. Here’s what to do next: Comment or DM with your story—what’s your biggest challenge as a parent right now? Share what you’ve already tried and what you’d love to create for your family. End your response with: “Nima, can I have your private calendar link?” This could be the moment you stop reacting and start leading your family into a brighter, more secure home they can model themselves after. Your guide on the side, Nima…

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What Secure Relationships Feel Like 1:29

15 weeks پیش1:29

1:29

It’s sad. Truly sad. Most people wouldn’t recognize a secure relationship if it showed up with a neon sign saying, “No Drama Here.” Why? Because when all you’ve known is trauma bonds, longing, and anxiety, push and pull, you start mistaking chaos for connection, and secure love will be too uncomfortable, and you’ll push it away. That intensity you feel? The rollercoaster highs and crushing lows? The chase, the drama, the “what did I do wrong now” spiral? You think that’s love. But it’s not. It’s your nervous system reliving old wounds, repeating the only patterns it’s ever known. Here’s what’s interesting: If all you’ve known are relationships where you’re walking on eggshells, bracing for the next fight, or chasing scraps of affection, a secure relationship will feel foreign— maybe even boring. But boring isn’t the problem. It’s your conditioning. If the relationships you grew up watching were trauma bonds, if your parents didn’t know how to communicate, if boundaries were nonexistent or weaponized… Then, of course, you wouldn’t recognize what secure love looks like. Your nervous system has been conditioned to equate longing with love and emotional unavailability with chemistry. So, what happens? You crave the familiar—even if it hurts. You chase the excitement—even if it drains you. You dismiss the calm, healthy connection because it feels foreign— even suspicious. And so, the cycle repeats: You ignore red flags. You cling to people who can’t show up for you. You end up giving more than you’re receiving. Because that’s what you’ve learned to expect from love. But here’s the good news: That’s just conditioning. And conditioning can be rewired. What does a secure relationship even look like? It’s not about perfection. It’s about peace. Here’s how you’ll know: You feel safe to express your needs and feelings. There’s no fear of judgment, punishment, or rejection. You’re not constantly walking on eggshells. Disagreements don’t feel like the end of the world. You both give and receive love freely. Without games, manipulation, or scorekeeping. You can rely on your partner, and they can rely on you. It’s a two-way street, not an uphill battle. Intimacy feels simple—not stressful. Love isn’t a rollercoaster. It’s steady, supportive, and grounding. The truth is, a secure relationship is like learning a new dance or playing a new instrument. It takes practice, guidance, and a willingness to unlearn old patterns. It’s not your fault you don’t know what secure love looks like. But it is your responsibility to learn if you want to break the cycle. So, let me ask you: Will 2025 be the year you stop venting to your therapist and start mastering the high-level attachment skills that make you magnetic to the right partner? Will it be the year you stop mistaking anxiety and longing for love and start healing the codependency that keeps you stuck? Here’s the promise of secure love: When you heal your attachment wounds and regulate your nervous system, you become Trigger-Proof. You stop mistaking drama for connection and begin to experience love as steady, grounding, and real. You don’t just learn how to love— you expand your capacity to BE LOVED. This shift doesn’t just change your relationships. It redefines how you see yourself, how you move through the world, and how you create a life that reflects your true worth. Because here’s the truth: It’s heartbreaking to live a life where secure love feels out of reach. But it’s even more heartbreaking to realize it’s been within your grasp all along. The question you need to ask yourself is “Am I not worthy enough to CLAIM it?" With unwavering belief in your ability to rewrite your story, Your wingman on the adventure, Nima _____________________________________________________________ P.S. If this resonates, and you are ready to uncover what you may have been missing, there’s more gold underneath if you’re willing to look. Here’s the thing: If you’ve never experienced a secure relationship, how could you possibly know what it feels like? That’s what a Blind Spot Call is for. We’ll dive deep to uncover: The blind spots keeping you stuck in unhealthy dynamics. Maybe you’re mistaking longing and anxiety for love. Maybe you’re unknowingly pushing people away while yearning for connection. These patterns aren’t your fault—they’re your conditioning. The energy you’re unknowingly putting out. Your attachment style and unspoken fears shape the dynamics you attract. On these calls, I help you see the signals you’re sending and how they’re keeping you in familiar, painful loops. Practical steps to break the cycle. You’ll leave with clear, actionable insights on what needs to shift to create secure, fulfilling relationships— starting with the relationship you have with yourself. This isn’t about blame. It’s about clarity, accountability, and moving forward. It’s a no-fluff, transformative conversation where you’ll receive honest feedback on what’s really going on. Normally $497, this session is free for those who qualify. Here’s how to grab a spot this week: Comment Or DM with your backstory: What’s your current situation? How is it impacting your life, relationships, and work? Share what you’ve tried so far and what hasn’t worked Tell me where you want to be and why this matters to you. Close with: “Nima, can I have your private calendar link?” These steps above are about showing me you’re ready to uncover what you don’t see and learn how to finally experience the secure, authentic love you deserve. Let’s make 2025 the year you stop chasing the familiar and start creating the relationships you’ve always wanted. Your guide to uncovering the truth, Nima…

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The One Feeling That Blocks Intimacy And Vulnerability 1:41

15 weeks پیش1:41

1:41

Vulnerability and intimacy. These are the two things most of us crave in relationships, yet they feel as elusive as trying to catch smoke with your hands. Why? Because of one sneaky little feeling that hijacks our connections and blocks our ability to show up authentically: Shame. Shame is the silent saboteur of intimacy. It’s the thing that keeps you from saying what you need, asking for what you want, or setting boundaries without second-guessing yourself for days. Here’s how it plays out: You feel criticized by your partner, and instead of owning your reaction, you deflect it back with a snarky comment. ("I wouldn’t have done that if you hadn’t…”) They say “no” to you, and instead of hearing it as a boundary, you spiral into a story about rejection. (“See? I’m not enough for you.”) You’ve got feedback to give, but you sugarcoat it so much they don’t even realize you’re upset— or worse, you explode because you’ve let it fester. If you can relate to any of this, you’re not alone. Shame isn’t just a feeling. It’s a wrecking ball. It smashes your capacity for vulnerability. It makes intimacy feel like a distant dream. And it’s the reason why every boundary feels like a personal attack or a rejection. When shame isn’t processed, we treat it like a hot potato. Someone lobs it at us, and instead of holding it, we toss it right back. We get defensive, we gaslight, invalidate, and we blame. The result is pretty devastating. Broken relationships. A long list of “narcissists” you’ve dated. A home that feels like a battlefield, where children are caught in the crossfire. And --a total inability to look in the mirror and ask: “Why am I the perfect person for this dynamic?” This isn’t about victim blaming— so let’s not go there. it’s about UNDERSTANDING. Understanding that shame isn’t your fault. It’s the byproduct of growing up in a world that told you your feelings were too much, your needs were an inconvenience, and your worth was conditional upon “performance" But here’s the interesting part: If you don’t learn to process shame from your biology, it will run your life. It will sabotage every relationship you step into, make intimacy impossible, and keep you stuck in patterns you swore you’d break, turning into your parents. After all— that’s where you inherited your message of shame from. (And you’re passing it down unknowingly to the next generation who’s watching.) Imagine this: You no longer shut down or lash outwhen someone gives you feedback. You can set boundaries without guilt or fear of rejection. You have the capacity to sit with uncomfortable emotions without needing to deflect or blame. Vulnerability isn’t scary anymore—it feels like a superpower. This is what happens when you become Trigger-Proof. You stop letting shame run the show. You reclaim the agency you lost as a child. And for the first time, you experience intimacy that feels safe and real. My invitation is for you to not see 2025 as “just another year”. It’s your opportunity to break the cycle. To stop chasing love and start embodying it. To stop blaming and start building. To stop running and finally come home—to yourself. You CAN do this. You simply have to decide that you deserve it. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima _______________________________________________________________________________ P.S. If this hit home, I’m guessing you’re no stranger to the patterns we’ve talked about— the overthinking, the second-guessing, the blaming (them, yourself, or both). But here’s the thing: you don’t have to stay stuck here. If you’re curious and willing to hear feedback, I’m offering an Intuitive Blind Spot Session to help you make sense of the chaos and find your way out. Here’s what we’ll do together: Uncover the hidden patterns that have been sabotaging your relationships. Shine a light on how shame and unresolved wounds are running the show. Map out clear, practical steps to turn your triggers into the transformation you’ve been searching for. This isn’t talk therapy. It’s a 30-minute breakthrough— a safe space to explore the real reasons why you’re stuck and a powerful first step toward breaking free. Normally $497, this session is free for those who qualify. Here’s how to get started: Comment or DM with your story— what’s the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationships? Share what you’ve tried, what worked so far and where you want to be. End your reply with: “Nima, can I have your private calendar link?” Let’s make 2025 the year you finally stop spinning in circles and start creating the love and connection you deserve. Your guide in breaking the cycle, Nima…

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The Root Of Relationship Breakdowns 1:30

15 weeks پیش1:30

1:30

If you’re paying attention, relationship breakdowns will follow a specific pattern. The same conflict. The same arguments. The same heartbreak. Whether it’s your marriage, your dating life, or even the way you show up for your friends, these breakdowns carry a familiar sting: Feeling like you give too much and get nothing in return. Wondering if you’re "too much" or "not enough." Overthinking every interaction until your mind feels like it’s on a hamster wheel, never stopping. And if you are anything like I was, here’s the hardest part to admit: Deep down, you’re terrified of ending up alone. To end this temporary existence (sorry but it’s true), never having experienced love that feels safe. I was there so I can empathize. And what sucks is that fear keeps you in the same painful cycles. You keep shrinking. You keep giving. You keep trying harder. You keep waiting. But no matter what you do, it feels like your relationships aren’t on a firm, stable ground Why? Because these relationship challenges didn’t start with your partner, or your ex, or even the people in your life right now. They started long before that. They began in the modeling you absorbed as a child. Did your parents avoid conflict at all costs, pretending everything was “fine” until it wasn’t? Did they lash out, leaving you feeling like love was tied to being perfect— or invisible? Or maybe they handled everything behind closed doors, leaving you clueless about what healthy conflict resolution even looks like. Fast-forward to today, and it’s no wonder: Conflict feels like a threat to your very existence. You suppress your feelings and stay silent, hoping to avoid a blow-up. Or, when things feel too much, you push people away, convinced it’s safer to keep your guard up. And the result of all of this avoidance: An inner conflict that eats at you every day. Because when you suppress your truth, you abandon yourself. And that self-abandonment comes with a heavy cost: Relationships where you’re walking on eggshells, hoping they’ll choose you, but resenting them at the same time. A deep, gnawing loneliness even when you’re in the same bed with someone. Feeling stuck in insecure relationships that drain your energy but feel impossible to leave. Health issues—like anxiety, burnout, and even physical symptoms—because your nervous system has been in survival mode for decades. And here’s the interesting part: You know something is off, but you don’t know how to fix it. Therapy didn’t get to the root. Self-help books just gave you more “to-dos” that you couldn’t stick to. And quick-fix programs only left you more frustrated and ashamed. You’ve been taught to think the problem is you. That you’re “too sensitive” or “too demanding.” But that’s a lie. The truth is— these cycles aren’t your fault. They’re a byproduct of what you were taught—or not taught— about codependency, conflict resolution, and secure attachment. So, how do you break the cycle? By realizing that healing isn’t about fixing the surface issues in your relationships. It’s about going back to the source: Acknowledging the ways your early environment shaped your patterns. Rebuilding your relationship with yourself so you can show up authentically. Learning how to handle conflict in a way that deepens connection instead of destroying it. When you take the time to heal this, everything changes: You stop chasing people who can’t meet your needs. You stop walking on eggshells, terrified of rocking the boat. You create relationships that feel safe, secure, and authentic. And here’s the truth (and you know it): It’s not about finding the perfect partner. It’s about becoming the version of you who doesn’t need to chase, fix, or beg for love. The one who knows that healthy love isn’t a battlefield—it’s a sanctuary. The one who doesn’t crumble in the face of conflict but stands rooted in their truth. The one who doesn’t just survive relationships but thrives in connection. This isn’t a dream—it’s a decision. And the process begins with one bold move: Choosing to stop running from yourself. So let me ask you—are you ready to break the cycle of chaos, codependency, and self-abandonment once and for all? If your answer is yes, then congratulations— you’re stepping into the identity of a Cyclebreaker. And trust me, the world needs more people like you. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima ___________________________________________________ P.S. If this message lands for you, and you are ready to stop the chaos and start breaking the cycle, I offer an intuitive Blind Spot Reading designed to expose the patterns keeping you stuck in cycles of relationship breakdowns, codependency, and self-abandonment. Here’s what we’ll uncover together: The hidden dynamics driving your relationships off course— and why you keep ending up in the same frustrating loops. Why conflict resolution feels impossible and how unresolved patterns from your past are silently running the show. The specific, practical steps you need to create authentic, secure love, starting with the relationship you have with yourself. Warning: THIS ISN’T TALK THERAPY. It’s not you venting, and me merely validating. It’s a 30-minute, no-fluff deep dive into the blind spots you can’t see but have been controlling your life— and a clear roadmap to finally reclaim your power. Normally $497, this session is free for those who qualify. Because breaking the cycle means being ready to follow through. Here’s how to apply: Comment Or DM with your story: What’s the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationships? Be real and raw. Tell me what you’ve already tried, what has helped-- and where you want to be. End your reply with: “Nima, can I have your private calendar link?” This is your chance to uncover what’s been holding you back— and more importantly, how to move forward. 2025 can be the year you stop repeating the past and start creating the relationships you deserve. Your guide to breaking the cycle, Nima…

29 weeks پیش2:46

2:46

Trigger Proof Transmissions (Cyclebreaker Collective)

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Why You Shouldn’t Eliminate Negative Emotions 2:23

30 weeks پیش2:23

2:23

“Dr. Nima, we walk on eggshells with each other. I am so sensitive to the slightest upset that when he is in a bad mood, I don’t know how to fix it. I constantly feel like a failure in this relationship. Can you help?” I just received this email from a subscriber, and it hit on one of the root causes of most toxic, insecure relationship patterns: Self-invalidation. If you grew up with well-meaning but trauma-uninformed parents, you probably experienced a stark difference in how your emotions were met. When you were happy or “positive,” you were met with openness, but emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, or grief? Not so much. Think back: Were you held, validated, and understood during your darker moments? Did your parents guide you through these feelings and teach you how to co-regulate? If you’re like most people in our cyclebreaker community, even if you’ve done plenty of therapy and personal development, there’s often one recurring theme: You’ve been conditioned to push away negative emotions— to “clear” or eliminate them, much like how your parents reacted to them. This leads to rumination and self-doubt, an unconscious attempt to regulate the emotional alarm within you. But labeling these emotions as “negative” causes you to defend against, dismiss, or avoid the most tender parts of yourself. And the more you avoid those parts, the more your relationships begin to mirror that avoidance. Partners stop making the effort to understand you. You feel alone, even in long-term relationships. Your feelings are constantly dismissed. Partners get defensive when you try to share your experience. You find your reality invalidated over and over again. The truth is, the outside world reflects what’s happening inside. Here’s the kicker: Until you change how you relate to your own emotions, there’s no way a relationship can feel nourishing. True intimacy remains out of reach. Anxiety becomes the norm. Repair doesn’t feel like it ever really happens. But here’s the good news: None of this is your fault. This emotional avoidance is cultural conditioning. We’ve been taught to pathologize “negative” emotions, leading us to abandon our natural responses to them. This is how sadness, grief, and fear turn into anxiety and depression. You’re not broken—you’ve just been conditioned to believe you are. And that conditioning serves one purpose: to sell you pills. But there’s a better way, and it will liberate you. This is a clip from a recent Overview Experience, we dive into this blind spot (among others) at the heart of every relationship dysfunction. And after uncovering it, we practice the somatic and cognitive skills that break this cycle once and for all. When you master this, you experience a profound freedom. Someone else’s disapproval no longer causes you to crumble. Instead of walking on eggshells, you learn to co-regulate with your partner. The best part-- You pass this on to your kids. You teach them how to navigate life’s inevitable truths: They will learn how to grieve—but they’ll grieve well. They’ll get angry—but they’ll move through it because you won’t make their anger wrong. They’ll feel sadness and fear—but it won’t become anxiety or depression. This is emotional literacy, a skill that can’t be taught in a therapist’s office, but rather through practice—expanding your capacity to sit with emotions in a safe container. The result-- Inner peace, calm, and stillness. No more wasted energy on avoiding or negating your emotional experience. This relationship with your own emotions is THE hidden relationship dynamic that, when mastered, makes intimacy accessible, makes you a secure partner, and turns you into a rockstar friend, parent, and leader. And the chill vibes you create-- They spill over to everyone around you. Because this self-invalidation is part of your conditioning… To heal— the real question becomes all about your WILLINGNESS to get uncomfortable in order to get that sense of freedom. No more sensitivity or avoidance to run the show. Imagine that. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima (I stand for healed families) P.S. If you’re reading this and your relationship anxiety has been less than magnetic— if you’ve tried therapy or personal development but still feel stuck—I invite you to share your story with me. Let me know what you’ve tried so far and what blind spots you think might be holding you back. If you’ve been successful at work but challenged in the relationship department and you’re ready to see those blind spots and finally move forward, ask for my calendar link as I’m opening some spots this week for the true seeker who’s genuine, curious, willing to hear the truth, and willing to take action. I’d love to support you on this journey. Give me your back story and finish with “Nima can I get some help with my blind spots? Send me your private calendar link”. If I think I can help after reading it— and there are spaces open, I’ll send it over. Thank you for your feedback and questions that help inform how I can serve better.…

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Signs of a Trauma Bonded Relationship 4:36

31 weeks پیش4:36

4:36

"Come close to me." "Get away from me." "I need you." "I need you to leave me alone." "I can’t live without you." "I can’t live like this anymore". These were soundbites from my last relationship. I didn’t know the term “Trauma Bond” but after being successful in every area of life except the most important (intimate relationship), I decided to do the necessary work to get to the bottom of what got me there. After that relationship ended, I went on a quest to make sure I never repeated this same dynamic. The walking on eggshells, scanning each other’s moods, withholding our feelings not to “trigger” the other, people pleasing, avoiding, the constant anxiety of being around one another, trying to make the other happy, so we can try to take control of how the afternoon (or entire weekend) is about to go. I would deliberately take my time coming home from work because after a challenging day, the last thing I needed was more work. Dealing with her big emotions was WORK— a job I had no interest in after a long day. If you are stuck in this push/pull dynamic, just know that you’re not alone. You could likely be stuck in a Trauma Bond like I was, without you even knowing about it. Trauma Bonds are highly polarized dynamics, (beginning with love/sex-bombing,) that are actually born out of a compulsion to repeat what was incomplete in childhood. They’re not your fault, but without becoming aware of those dynamics, without taking responsibility to heal the root cause, without developing the skills of conscious relating, self regulation, and becoming Trigger-Proof, relationships end up feel like a merry-go round where life feels like groundhog day. Just spoke with a woman who’s done weekly counselling sessions with her husband, but the sessions never once dove deep into actually healing the dynamics of the bond itself. It was more of a venting session. How frustrating: going every week, venting your side of the story, having the other vent their side, both parties trying to get validation for who’s “right”. What she didn’t realize or learn: You can’t resolve the trauma bond trying to be “right” or “seen.” It’s impossible at that level. No embodiment training. No change in the capacity to be with difficult emotions. As you can see in this short clip from my discussion with Dr. Russ: We MUST go deeper to discover where it all begins: THE TRAUMA BOND BEGINS WITH TWO PEOPLE TRYING TO RESCUE ONE ANOTHER. The damsel in distress. The addict. The wounded soul in need of a savior. When I discovered this, I stopped trying to talk my way out, and went inwards and learned how to resolve with the parts of me that needed to be the rescuer to feel like he was good enough. What I discovered was a part of me that needed to be rescued by MYSELF. Sit with that one for a moment. If you’re stuck in the anxious avoidant dance, constantly attracting the same type of relationships with people where you end up abandoning yourself, or in the same argument with a partner in a power struggle phase, just know that 1) You’re not alone 2) it’s not your fault. 3) YOU CAN HEAL THIS. When you do, you break cycles for the next generation because your children get to experience parents with connection and abundant love. I’m a living proof. I went from a toxic abusive trauma bond, to a relationship where secure attachment thrives, and our beautiful boy turns 4 this weekend. If I can do it, so can you. It’s all about your commitment level and your WILLINGNESS to lean in and say “It didn’t start with me, but it ends with me”. You got this. Your wingman on the adventure to secure love, Nima (I stand for healed families). ---------------------------------------------- P.S. The connection you’ve been craving isn’t far away— it’s just on the other side of your willingness to heal and have your blind spots revealed. If you’re ready to get off the merry-go-round and experience the love and family you truly deserve, but you resonate with this video and wonder if there is something you’re overlooking, I’m happy to open up some time for the *right person* to have me listen to what you are experiencing, and give you some honest feedback. This is for you if: You’ve done the work, you’re doing (or have already invested in therapy) you’re no stranger to self reflection, you’re successful at work, but still feel like a victim in relationships being over run by the fear of abandonment, or you get overwhelmed quickly and want to run. And here’s the kicker: You’re TIRED OF FEELING THAT WAY. (You’ll be surprised how many aren’t). If this sounds like you, let’s talk. Comment and give me the details of your back story and what you’ve tried, what worked and what hasn’t. Include the words “Nima I’m ready to see my blind spots, can I get your calendar link?” And if there is any space left this week, then I’ll send you a link. It didn’t start with you… but it can absolutely end with you my friend.…

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The Choice We Don’t Consciously Choose 2:26

32 weeks پیش2:26

2:26

Sally’s words hit me like a ton of bricks: ‘I wasn’t expecting that. This is going to take me a while to process. It’s no surprise—she had just completed her Overview Experience (OE) a few weeks ago, and let me tell you, this isn’t your average Zoom call. OE isn’t just another Saturday evening where you’re partying or sedating from the week. It’s a 6-hour, heart-pounding, mind-shifting adventure where a community of warriors come to not only heal their attachment wounds but learn how to stop self-abandoning and fawning, to find their authentic selves and finally build that self-worth we all crave— as a foundation to connected secure relationships. It's like a crash course in ‘why the heck am I still doing this?’ and ‘how do I stop? One woman who joined recently was at her breaking point— struggling with a rupture with her 26-year-old son. She showed up ready to STOP playing the victim, ready to unearth those blind spots that are running the show. That takes courage, my friend. And here’s the kicker—so many people out there are hiding behind their therapists, unknowingly stuck in the same codependent loops, looking for validation. (Yeah, I said it.) OE is for those who are ready to ditch the excuses and embrace the hard truth. I don’t just teach this stuff—I live it. From my days of surviving toxic trauma bonds and legal battles to now living in the most secure, connected, and hot-for-one-another relationship (even after the kid arrived). How: By becoming Trigger-Proof and mastering what I call “Integrated Polarity,” which is polarized communication on the OTHER SIDE of healing that compulsion to repeat unresolved childhood dynamics. And the magic? It’s not just about techniques—it’s in realizing you’ve been living with a mask for years. You’ve been ‘the good wife,’ ‘the perfect son,’ ‘the perfect girlfriend,’ “the helper,” “the black sheep,"and you’ve found a cozy home for it, right? But the more that mask becomes your identity, the further you drift from who you REALLY are. It’s no wonder you’re feeling anxious and trying to cope. Trying to be more “masculine” or “feminine” without the deeper work won’t cut it. Very few want to understand the WHY and what they can do about it. I’ve been there—being a people pleaser to the point I created an entire “Dr. Nima” identity for validation. An identity who was a perfect match for my last relationship drama. Underneath the mask, there’s an authentic self inside of all of us, hidden behind a f*ck ton of shame. Consider the possibility that the relationship anxiety you might be feeling is simply that part of you bursting to come out and say, ‘I’m DONE with the BS. I WANT TO BE SEEN AND LOVED. I WANT TO TAKE UP SPACE. I WANT TO GET MY NEEDS MET TOO.” You’ve read the books, you’ve done the therapy—but have you gone this deep before? (comment below and let me know). I doubt it. The Overview Experience is designed for brave souls who can no longer tolerate the mask, and who are brave enough to be gently guided— there with the right path, tools, and strategy. The somatic and cognitive exercises we do have changed my life and countless others. And you don’t need a fancy office or perfect conditions to transform— just the courage to show up and take off that damn mask. This video is a recording from the OE back in 2021 during the lockdowns, while I had to create a makeshift office from the 2nd bedroom. We had just gotten married and had our son Dominic. Watching who I was at the time, and the challenges I was facing in trying to break free from a Trauma Bond serves as a reminder to me that even though the conditions were less than favorable in my life at the time, I STILL knew who the f*ck I was, and who I’m here to serve. And so can you. Imagine being able to stop being SO AFFECTED by others. To trust yourself so deeply that you stop looking outside for validation. It’s possible—and it’s where your magnetism is hiding if you have the courage to look. Without that ability to truly KNOW yourself and love what you see when you look in the mirror, you're always looking OUTSIDE for validation (and it will never be enough). You’ll stay in relationships too long, you’ll tolerate shitty behavior, you’re run by the fear of abandonment, you pick the wrong people who end up using you, because you HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO EXPRESS YOUR BOUNDARIES, because you’ve never taken the time to learn. I discovered that learning this was the foundation to receiving everything I desired. When I got it right, the world opened up to me to reflect the love and knowing I developed in myself. And I gave up trying to prove it to those who couldn’t see it. You deserve all of that, my friend.. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima ____ P.S. I have an offer for a specific person who resonates with this message. (Forward this to someone you know who needs this) If you’ve already invested in a lot of inner work and personal growth, and are successful in work/leadership— and have developed some great insights, but STILL feel stuck in what I just shared, I have some spaces open for a 30 minute intuitive blind spots session. I’ve met some amazing people who have been following my work, and some have even figured out a massive piece of the puzzle after our conversation. They took action where they were once stuck. If you’re willing to implement and practice what you’re brave enough to discover, and you’re ready to stop being held hostage by old patterns and finally break free from the mask that’s keeping you stuck, let’s talk. I’m offering a limited number of these sessions to help you uncover what’s really driving your anxious behaviors. If you’re serious about getting to the root of it and taking your power back, comment with your back story (I won’t respond if you don’t) and end it with: “Nima, I’m ready for the truth. Send me your private calendar link.”…

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Why You Can’t Shortcut The Healing Process 2:00

32 weeks پیش2:00

2:00

If you’ve ever been stuck in the “loop of doom” in a relationship dynamic, you’ll understand this exhausting dance: After the honeymoon phase is finished, which lasts between up to 6 months to 18 months… you graduate to the next phase of the relationship, which is called the “power struggle” phase. Here’s what it looks like: You’re effected by their mood. You look to THEM to determine how you’re “supposed to” feel. Their upset becomes YOUR upset. As a result of this dance, when they are triggered, they turn to a coping strategy to deal with their pain… They distract with work, video games, football, p*rnography… anything to avoid feeling what’s happening between you… then this results in YOU getting triggered in to not feeling important. Your abandonment wounds get activated. This is not your fault. It’s perfectly normal. But if you haven’t yet learned the skills (which involve the body, much like a dance move), this activation causes you to regress calling your wounded younger parts to come out and protest with controlling behaviors, blame, and a needy “push” like energy. Unfortunately this causes what you want to go further away from you. What you want is connection. Understanding. Repair. Without the skills of breaking through the power struggle phase, you’ll find yourself alone (even if you’re in a relationship) or avoiding the exhausting dance altogether, because you’ve done the courses and talk therapies and nothing has been able to solve the riddle. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way. I discovered this same exhausting dance (only I was the avoidant), and what I learned was that that lack of separation between me and the other was called “enmeshment”— and that was not my fault (or yours) but its actually a developmental trauma we were conditioned into by well-meaning parents who hadn’t healed THEIR enmeshment wounding in their family system. Symptoms include: Wanting to separate from the people you love the most. Having other’s people’s emotional states and anxiety becoming YOUR anxiety, and an inability to sit with someone who is having big emotions without a compulsion to fix or rescue or run. I saw this pattern and was committed to making sure I didn’t pass this along to my son. This enmeshment pattern is the root cause of Codependency. And talking about it to a therapist simply doesn’t do squat except bring a label to it. Learning masculine and feminine communication is powerful, but without THIS foundational skill, it’s like learning how to drive with a lamborghini going full-blast. Communication doesn’t land well without healing that developmental trauma FIRST. My clients often would complain “my therapist helped me identify what was wrong, but then I wasn’t given tools in how to fix it.” If you are resonating with this, just know that you’re not alone. I learned that by Becoming Trigger-Proof, I could create a separation between me and another person, and THEIR ANXIETY DIDN’T HAVE TO BECOME MY ANXIETY. This is why I left my chiropractic practice: Because I made a huge discovery people were not seeing. If you’ve already done so much to heal, and yet you’re frustrated by your progress, consider the possibility that you aren’t broken… and there are NO SHORTCUTS TO THIS: It’s likely that you haven’t yet looked at the upstream root cause of it all: Unresolved enmeshment wounding. And the good news is that you CAN heal this if you’re willing to go deeper than watching videos and venting. When you do, your self worth emerges as does your confidence. All the communication you’re learning and boundary setting practices feel more embodied, and your magnetism goes through the roof. Men get rooted in their masculine leadership, and for women— their radiance emerges. People start asking you what you’ve been doing differently, and it’s only YOU that will know where the difference came from. Imagine what it would be like to stop being SO AFFECTED by others. This is the path to healing families… your wingman on the adventure to breaking free from enmeshment wounding, Nima ------------ P.S. Does this email resonate with you? If you find yourself in this power struggle phase, I’m listening. Hit reply and make sure you give me your back story, sharing what you’ve tried in the past, what worked, and where you’re frustrated. If you’re tired of being stuck in the same exhausting relationship cycles, and ready to break free from the enmeshment that’s been holding you back, let’s talk. I’m opening a few spots for a Trigger-Proof Blind Spot session to reveal the root cause of what’s really driving your anxious/avoidant dance. If you’re serious about healing and ready to step into your power, hit reply with your story and end it with, "Nima, I’m ready to break the cycle and take back control. Please send me your private calendar link." This isn’t for everyone— but if you’re done with feeling stuck and ready for a true breakthrough, let’s make it happen. This 30 minute call is no-charge, no obligation, but your back story will help me determine if I can see any blind spots in your journey and will send you my calendar link if I feel I can help.…

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A New Lens For Forgiveness 1:49

34 weeks پیش1:49

1:49

(Name changed to respect privacy and anonymity) (4 minute read). Amy was tired of feeling like a victim. Divorced with children, running a business, she was still walking around with a great deal of resentment. She had done YEARS of therapy, plant medicines, breathwork, inner child work…. Even taking courses on learning how to communicate more in her feminine so she could one day have a different experience with men than what she had been attracting: Narcissistic, abusive partners who didn’t step up and take care of her devotionally (just like her dad). When she reached out to me, even though she had gotten comfortable with feminine communication, she admitted she still has resentment towards her father, and here was the kicker: Her body would tense up whenever she would think of her ex and dad, and SHE NO LONGER WANTED TO FEEL THAT WAY. The only way to get past grievances, victimhood and blame, is to finally make the decision that we NO LONGER WANT TO BE LIVING UNDER THE EFFECTS OF UNHEALED RESENTMENTS: This is what living with a victimhood identity from the past looked like for her: Triggered all the time Reactive to any sort of feedback that would be “negative” Defensive, blocking vulnerability and openness (which magnetizes healthy masculine behavior of provision and protection) Controlling others with prickly, porcupine energy that pushed men away. NO TRUST (in herself or men). It’s exhausting living like you don’t trust life itself. When I asked her why she wanted to resolve this now she told me that this time it was different because she met a man who had her feeling safe, and didn’t want to mess this up by letting the reactive pattern take over. (that’s my first green flag when I meet someone— someone who wants to take responsibility). Even though she was no stranger to personal development, there was one skill she had never learned: Becoming Trigger-Proof, and RELEASING THE RESENTMENT FROM THE BODY. This means to not only work through the bitterness, the anger, and the grief of her younger parts that didn’t get their needs met, but also to take it one step further that no plant medicine, book, video, or venting sessions with a therapist could provide: The skill of seeing her perpetrators as reflections of parts of HERSELF she was abandoning. Parts she pressed down and locked up in her shadow. She took the very thing that she was judging her father on— which was "not taking accountability, and avoiding his shame of his abusive behaviors" and asked “Where did I do the same?” It took her a couple of days to realize she did the same thing (in her own way) to her unborn child when she chose to terminate her pregnancy when she was a teenager. She was carrying all that shame— but she had to block it in order to continue life. While she felt it was the right call for her at the time, she realized she was still holding onto resentment towards HERSELF, for not dealing with the grief and shame of her decision with no accountability-- and unconsciously projecting it onto her father. She took a week to process this humbling realization, and as she re-visited the fears of that dis-owned little teenager within her, she saw her father in a new light. Once she realized this, she had a new lens on “forgiveness”. She realized that once she UNDERSTOOD him (by understanding HERSELF) she no longer needed to “forgive” him. Would you rather be FORGIVEN? Or would you rather be UNDERSTOOD? Most of the time “forgiveness” is just spiritual bypassing bullshit. When you have the courage to go deeper, to validate the parts of you that feel hurt and grief over the needs that weren’t met, and then go that ONE STEP FURTHER to get to a place of UNDERSTANDING…. The resentment lifts, and understanding breathes life to a new possibility. If you can resonate with this, and you are holding onto a grievance towards someone who you feel betrayed you, hurt you, rejected you, or abandoned you, and you’re TIRED OF FEELING THIS WAY, just know there’s freedom on the other side of going BEYOND forgiveness. Forgiveness keeps you stuck in judgment, Understanding liberates and transcends. It takes some courage to look in the mirror, and humility to have your blind spots revealed, but when you do, you set the stage to become a safe container where secure relationships can thrive, and you trust life, you trust men, you trust women, you trust humanity, and most importantly, you TRUST YOURSELF. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima _____________ P.S. If Amy's story resonated with you, you’ve done the personal growth work and therapies, and you KNOW you’re still carrying betrayal, mistrust, and contempt, and it’s weighing heavy on your system and impacting your current relationship game, and you’re done with the spiritual bypassing of attempting to "forgive", let’s go deeper. Are you ready to move past the resentment and uncover the parts of yourself that need understanding? If you’ve been carrying the weight of grievances, tired of feeling stuck, and want to experience true freedom and trust in YOURSELF, hit reply with your back story and tell me what happened, what you’ve invested in working through, and end with, "Nima, I’m ready to go beyond forgiveness and see my blind spots. Please send me your private calendar link.” I’m enjoying speaking with those who follow my work. Who are genuine in seeking answers instead of staying stuck in a story. It’s a free zoom blind-spot session for those who feel it’s time to stop judging and blaming and start truly understanding.…

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What I Wish I Could Say, But Can’t (because the truth hurts) 0:51

35 weeks پیش0:51

0:51

Hey, it’s time for some real talk. After countless calls with the people who have been consuming my content, reaching out for help in their current situation, I want to share with you what I wish I could say to them— but usually don’t, because let’s face it, the truth can sting. Here it is: Consider the possibility that you DON’T want to heal. Of course CONSCIOUSLY you want to. But unconscious parts of you don’t. This is why I left Chiropractic. I saw people who came in who said they wanted to heal, but they had blind spots. They couldn’t see the parts of them that were resistant to healing. Ask any body worker, therapist, or counsellor, and they will confirm this to be true. I just spoke with a Therapist and Counsellor who has done YEARS of talk therapy, and is STILL stuck after 18 years in a “should I stay or go” situation. Exhausted. Ready for change. Stuck in indecision. Then when it came time to make a change— can you guess what she was confronted by? Yup. Fear and indecision. You will say you’re ready for change. You will say you’re tired of the same old patterns. The anxious avoidant dance is exhausting and you have tried counselling realizing that the baby steps you’re making just aren’t adding up. You’ve read the books and listened to the podcasts and watched the videos and COGNITIVELY UNDERSTAND where the block is. But when it comes time to actually DO the work, to dig deep and face those uncomfortable truths, to FEEL AND WORK THROUGH THE FEELINGS you’ve been conveniently trying to avoid- the ones at the helm of your anxiety and depression… To FINALLY do what it takes to resolve them…….. Aaaand that’s when the excuses start. The terror barrier hits. And I get it. Change is terrifying. Stepping into the unknown feels like free-falling without a safety net. Your old patterns-- They’re comfy, familiar, and oh-so-seductive. I was terrified to leave my Trauma Bonded relationship. I was not only afraid of being alone without a woman to validate me, I was also afraid of the reputational impact of leaving her. I knew she would drag my name through the mud if I did leave… So I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND your fear and analysis paralysis. But here’s the hard truth I had to face myself: Those same patterns that are keeping me stuck— are keeping me miserable in this only one life. And what quality of life was I living— constantly wearing a mask and hiding myself in shame? One woman tearfully told me that she wanted to end her life and couldn’t continue the way she was going. But the second an opportunity came to break the Trauma Bond Cycle, I watched her regress into an addict fighting for the right to keep her addiction. “I just can’t do it.” Even though the last 30 days of her life were a living hell— her hell was FAMILIAR to her. (Familiar = “Like Family”). I’ve seen it all— the refund requests, the sudden ghosting, the “I’m just not ready” excuses, right after saying they can’t continue the way they are going. And hey, no judgment. We all have our blind spots. But if you’re really serious about breaking free, about stepping into the life you say you want, you’ve got to MOVE THROUGH that fear. What I wish I could say (but usually don’t) is this: Stop letting your effing fear drive the car. It’s time to take the wheel. You’re resilient and you’ll figure out a way forward. Like Misty-Jo, who couldn’t keep going the way she was, and was becoming aware that her anxious patterns were actually PUSHING love away— and she leaned in, was willing to have her blind spots revealed, made the shifts, and is now in the most secure relationship of her life. Like Joe, who was terrifed he was going to lose his marriage as his wife asked for a separation, asking me to help him save his marriage during a call to reveal his blind spots— to which I replied “That’s not what we are doing here…Your anxious attachment is destroying the polarity in your relationship…. you’re going to have to get to a place where you BECOME THE PERSON WHO’S WILLING TO WALK AWAY.” And first he was resistant— but he leaned in— and finally went beyond talk therapy and learned how to de-condition his anxious pattern to the point where he was WILLING to walk away— and during the conversation about the details of their divorce, in THAT moment his wife shifted and said she didn’t want to divorce him. 3 kids, they’re still together, with new skills to self regulate and co-regulate through their challenges after a frustrating 8 years of talk therapy. Imagine how much courage that took to get there. (The courage to trust a retired chiropractor— no less). And that’s the point: The results you’re not getting in talk therapy don’t take more time… they take COURAGE. What I want to say to people (but don’t because the truth hurts too much) is to STOP PRETENDING YOU HAVE INFINITE TIME. Lean into the resistance and make it your friend as you climb the mountain to secure love. Enjoy your books and podcasts and videos— but for the love of God, find a guide and community that focusses on TRAINING AND PRACTICING instead of TALKING in circles about feelings. Your younger parts will thank you for overcoming your people pleasing patterns and finally making YOURSELF a priority. Your children will thank you because your home will turn into a sanctuary. Most inspiring of all, you’ll feel the pride of accomplishing something so daring: Breaking cycles that you inherited from parents that didn’t do the deep work. And because of that, Your self worth will upgrade to the point where you can finally look in the mirror and say "I love you." The greatest gift of all. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima P.S. If you’re ready to uncover what’s really holding you back—no sugar-coating, no fluff—let’s talk. But only if you’re truly ready to face what’s been keeping you in the same old cycle. I’m opening my schedule for the right person who resonates with this message, and is genuinely curious about seeing their blind spots and is open to their blind spots being revealed (lovingly)…

Trigger Proof Transmissions (Cyclebreaker Collective)

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5 Common Traits in 30 Alpha Boss Women Struggling in Love 45:37

36 weeks پیش45:37

45:37

Over the past few weeks, I spoke to more than 30 women who identified as successful in work, (Bossbabes, if you will) who "didn’t need a man” to take care of them. Even though they considered themselves independent, many of them tearfully shared with me some of the struggles they were facing in their relationships. What I discovered was a “eureka” moment for them. It was almost as if they were all dating (or married to) the SAME DUDE. Through our conversation, they were able to discover their blind spots that were pushing healthy masculine leadership energy away, and unknowingly attracting men (and behavior in their men) who wouldn’t commit, wouldn’t plan, and wouldn’t lead into devotion. Quite the opposite. Many of these men were actually more like children, feeding off their energy, extracting from these women much like having another child in the house. Of course they were living in a constant state of resentment about life in general, they all had a few things in common. Take a wild guess what it could be. You’ve heard the term “blind spots” in driving on the road. We also have Blind Spots in our psyche. They are parts of ourselves that we can’t see, like trying to read the label of a jar from the inside. Blind Spots are unconscious parts of ourselves that cause us to unknowingly create our own suffering. Parts of us that are too painful to admit are there, but they are. And unless we have the courage to face them and get them exposed, we are doomed to repeat the same cycle again and again, like groundhog Day. You know exactly what I’m talking about: Same arguments every time, like a broken record. One woman was married and divorced 7 times and tried all the therapies without finding the root of it, but through our interaction— was able to see what she hadn’t been able to in all the years: Her part in the dynamic that was causing relationships to break down, without fault or blame. Another woman who was married and divorced 4 times, now in a relationship with an avoidant who doesn’t make her a priority, also couldn’t see her blind spot despite all the books and therapies: She was so preoccupied with him and diagnosing him that she didn’t acknowledge what she needed to change within HERSELF to inspire him to commit. It pains me to hear their stories because most therapies they try are about validating their side of the story, rather than committing to actual healing— which involves learning SKILLS instead of venting stories. No one had the courage to tell these women the truth of their blind spots, because it would have bruised their ego. One of the women was an actual counsellor and therapist and was stunned to hear my feedback on her blind spots. She received it gracefully and gratefully, admitting that she wouldn’t be allowed to be so direct with her clients— that it would run the risk of her getting a complaint to the board. The only problem with that is that having your blind spot revealed is CRITICAL if you want to change your relationship pattern. Tell me if you notice what I call the “Bossbabe Conundrum”: If you want to drop being in charge of the relationship, it’s not just about HIM. Something within YOU needs to change, and your ego won’t like it. Otherwise, you can leave that partner but the next person you date— same person, different haircut. So in service to all boss babes who want out of the conundrum, I invite you to watch or listen to this one hour podcast. Listen now, or save it for later— I start first with the back story of why a man like me would want to speak to Bossbabes who are brave enough to taste the bitter medicine of the truth in order to attract men who are mature, devotional, protectors, providers. If you’re a person who gets offended with the notion that a man has some potent information for powerful women who want to learn how to reign it in so they don’t scare off quality men— then this podcast won’t be for you. But if you want to see if you can identify with some blind spots so that you can stop pushing high-value secure love away, then this podcast episode is for you. After you listen, send it to someone who you know is struggling in their relationship, and see if they relate too. If you stay to the end, you’ll see some traits that some quality men (when asked) shared about what they consider irresistible for being wife material. If you’ve ever dreamed of being devotionally led by a healthy masculine partner, you’ll want to grab a pen and start getting to work. You deserve love that is secure. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima OFFER FOR YOU IF YOU WANT HONEST INTUITIVE FEEDBACK ON YOUR BLIND SPOTS (delivered with love— your Persian Big Brother-style) P.S. If you identify as a boss babe (or a man who’s successful at work) but feel the opposite in love, and you are not willing to tolerate continuing the rest of 2024 and beyond like this, being run by the anxious/avoidant dance, and you’re wondering if you have these same blind spots mentioned, and you are WILLING to hear some feedback that might sting a little, but will be delivered in a way where you can implement immediately and people will start to feel a shift in you (but not know what it is about you— but you will) comment below and give me your back story on how you’ve been able to produce results in your life, but can’t figure the relationship part out. Tell me what it’s been like for you, and ask me “NIMA CAN YOU PLEASE SEND YOUR PRIVATE CALENDAR LINK” and if I can see some blind spots in your story that could be worked on, I’ll send you my calendar link. This is absolutely free— it’s a trade of value for me as I’m going to be creating an offer to help women feel safer in their feminine, so you’ll also be helping me with the content with your stories and challenges. Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Background 06:19 Understanding the Concept of 'Wife Material' 10:09 The Five Blind Spots Hindering Becoming Wife Material 13:28 Blind Spot 1: Unresolved Anxious Attachment 16:09 Blind Spot 2: Attracting Toxic Partners 18:16 Blind Spot 3: Inability to Assert Healthy Boundaries 23:00 Blind Spot 4: Inability to Let Go of Control 24:05 Blind Spot 5: Inability to Receive 30:12 The Challenge of Receiving Help and Support 30:39 Entitlement and the Need for Personal Growth 32:24 Conclusion Summary In this podcast episode, Dr. Nima Ramani discusses five blind spots that prevent successful women from finding healthy and fulfilling relationships. These blind spots include unresolved anxious attachment, inability to assert boundaries, difficulty in letting go of control, inability to be vulnerable, and an entitlement mindset. Dr. Nima emphasizes the importance of healing past wounds, developing self-worth, and taking responsibility for one's own growth in order to become wife material. He also highlights the need for softening, surrendering, and embracing interdependence in relationships.…

Trigger Proof Transmissions (Cyclebreaker Collective)

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How Men Can Solve Their Partners Sxxual Resistance When She’s Not in The Mood 20:00

41 weeks پیش20:00

20:00

It’s the topic of so many comedy routines: “Not tonight— I have a headache.” Even though people joke about it, the impact of two lovers not sharing the same enthusiasm about sex is very real— to big blow outs in the middle of the night, to sexual shutdown or sexless marriages. On this short 20 minute video, a student of mine, Carissa Kelly and I do a fascinating (and very triggering)role play, demonstrating how Masculine and Feminine Communication can be used to bridge the gap between two lovers who aren’t on the same page sexually, the first “scene” is us not paying attention to Polarized communication, and the second “scene” WITH using the nuance of Polarity. See if you can notice yourself ever having been in this situation, and if you can see the difference between the two examples. On the upcoming Workshop on Friday, we will be running through a few other role-playing examples, so that you can shift the energy in your relationships from “REPULSION” to “ATTRACTION” in minutes. You’ll notice how Polarity isn’t about suppressing women. It’s quite the opposite. Check it out for yourself. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima ___________________ P.S. Only a few more days left: If you’re ready to learn how to bring the conversation of Somatic Embodiment, Intergenerational Trauma and Polarity together into one training that will teach you the fundamentals so that you can immediately shift your communication, energy and magnetism in your dating and relationships, I have a never-done-before training I’m offering to my Cyclebreakers Academy, and I’m opening spots for those who care enough to show up LIVE on July 12th from 4-7pm PST (7-10pm EST). That’s 9am-noon on Saturday July 13th Sydney time. You’ll be taken through somatic embodiment practices that help you FEEL the difference between the two polarities, and be given role-playing demonstrations of the 2 most common complaints and arguments in the Anxious (Preoccupied) and Avoidant (Dismissive) negative cycle, and you’ll learn EXACTLY how to break that cycle using Integrated polarity so that you can repair from ruptures with greater ease and flow, and bring magnetism instead of repulsion. This event is NOT for everyone. It’s for people who GENUINELY give themselves permission to have their instinctual needs met: Men: To be respected, admired, and lead with love and devotion Women: To be contained with care and devotion, and want to FOCUS ON THEIR OWN SIDE OF THE STREET in order to help get their needs met. No replays. Learn how to Break the exhausting Infinite Loop of Conflict and create harmony HERE.…

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Where Men Drop The Ball 9:35

44 weeks پیش9:35

9:35

There’s no shortage of complaints about how men show up in relationships. We fear what we don’t understand. Most men don’t understand women. (And most women don’t understand men.) From a very young age, we ALSO get so many mixed messages. Be a man, don’t show emotions It’s not ok to feel angry Your anger is unwarranted (which will turn to rage) Suck it up and "Be a Man” Happy wife, happy life Say “Yes dear" Aggression is Toxic Masculinity… As a result, we end up not understanding OURSELVES. I remember thinking that my main job in terms of being a husband was to become as successful as possible, to be the “provider” financially, and that should guarantee me a good marriage with a wife who was respectful, open, and grateful towards me. I had no idea that one of the things a healthy woman needs is to get her emotional needs met. What I call “emotional provision”. I had no clue what that was. So to no surprise, when my first marriage hit rocky roads, I HAD ZERO CLUE ABOUT WHAT TO DO WITH EMOTIONS. Mine or hers. My emotions at the time swung back and forth between anger, and anxiety. I didn’t know what to do with all the shame, guilt, loneliness, and fear. So I did what most men do: I buried it — not realizing it was running the show in the background. One of the gifts of a massive relationship breakdown is looking at the pieces of my emotional game and realizing what was at cause of the breakdown: My lack of containment and protection boundaries with my emotions. As it turns out, I’m not alone. Most people I work with who are stuck in a “should I stay or go” situation, even healing through a breakup realize they’re in the same boat as I was. Without the proper skills of elegant boundaries, we become walled off (avoidant) from others, or we simply can not separate ourselves from others emotions, and our anxious attachments end up creating relational chaos. It’s either lose myself in a partner, or push them away. There was no in between for me. We drop the ball when we don’t learn how to become Trigger-Proof, and learn how to navigate conflict and turn it into deeper intimacy. It’s a skill no one taught me, that ended up costing me hundreds of thousands (if not more). The common thing I see with men was what I was challenged with: Men don’t learn how to work with the energy of emotions, the triggers as they arise in others (and ourselves) we then end up feeling victimized by by our woman’s emotions. Then we can’t lead, and we become EMASCULATED. We lose our boundaries (Enmeshment). We can’t separate ourselves from others. Like a jellyfish drifting in the ocean. We become “Nice guys” who then get pushed and pushed— then we snap and lose our sh*t. Then we validate the narrative that “men are not safe” and become victims of our own reactivity, hurting ourselves and others. If you notice, this isn’t just a men’s issue. It’s a human issue. Our children are impacted by this. There’s nothing like the threat of relationship loss to help wake us up to learning skills that we were never taught. When Ben first reached out to me, he was caught in that dance — and completely lost the magnetism in his relationship. They became room mates. Cue the inevitable break-up. Which ended up being the wake up call that led him to recognize the importance of learning how to become Trigger-Proof, and as you’ll see in this 10 minute interview— he realized that not learning the high-level attachment skills was even more serious: It was impacting his SELF WORTH. That’s what’s on the other side of doing the work: Self Worth. Where men and women drop the ball, the upstream root cause can essentially be traced back to… a lack of Self Worth. And the good news is, this is a skill that can be learned like reading or swimming. Our relationships, career, sense of what we feel we deserve in receiving, and our entire life experience depends on it. Imagine if you learned how. New lens: You didn’t drop the ball. You just didn’t have Self-Worth at the time. Given your conditioning, I’m sure you can see how that makes sense. Now imagine what happens on the other side of learning how. What could be possible? Your wingman on the adventure, Nima ___________________________ P.S. Announcement: On Saturday June 29th from 12-6pm PST (3-9PM EST) (that’s 5am-11am Sunday the 30th in Sydney) I’m taking 10 couples through an advanced training on Self Worth, Nervous System Regulation skills, Shadow integration and Somatic Training on Becoming Trigger-Proof. This is ideal for men and women in a “should I stay or go” relationship dynamic where you want to create a safe container for children to thrive and become resilient. The mechanisms of Rupture/Repair will be discussed and practiced over these 6 hours so that arguments can go from days and weeks where it’s killing your vibe — to minutes and hours— and these skills are easily taught to children. At $397 USD per enrolment— your partner/friend is able to join for FREE. This is for those who want to make 2024 the year they become Trigger-Proof. BECOME TRIGGER-PROOF HERE…

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Understanding the Push/pull dynamic 3:09

45 weeks پیش3:09

3:09

did you ever wonder why the push-pull dynamic keeps coming up in insecure relationship dynamics? It all makes perfect sense when you study the mechanism. Insecure (and exhausting) push-pull dynamics happen because we haven’t yet learned how to navigate the two primary attachment fears gone awry: 1) The Fear of Abandonment— being left behind, drifting in a sea of loneliness and despair. 2) The Fear of Engulfment — being consumed, eaten alive, and losing oneself. That’s it. The unconsciously polarizing dance of these two extremes, and not knowing what do about them are what’s underneath your relationship woes. If we haven’t yet become Trigger-Proof and learned how to work with the unconscious material (Conflicts) that will arise between two souls with a wounded past, then you’ll notice things start going south real fast: - You won’t speak up and share what’s arising for you in an elegant way— hiding your discomfort because you think it might upset them. Or - You DO speak up— but with force/aggression, or in some way that causes others to be repelled and pushes them away. Either way, we feel like the victim (and so do they). The worst part of all is the fact that reading all the attachment books, watching all the youtube videos, and talking to your therapist helps with understanding WHY this chaos is happening and relationships don’t feel safe, but as you know— these modalities alone don’t create a NEW pathway for us, where we CAN ACTUALLY EXPERIENCE RELATIONSHIPS AS NOURISHING. Imagine a possibility where you CAN experience relationships as solid, steady, uplifting and fulfilling resources filled with playfulness and joy. I didn’t have that modelled to me so I didn’t know it was even possible. Turns out, it IS. I— an avoidant, player who couldn’t commit is living it. And if I can do it— you can too. To get there, you have to be willing to commit to becoming the kind of person who can have their partner say: “My partner is my peace”. Try that on right now. Can you say that about your partner? Can your partner say that about you? Do you even have the WILLINGNESS to learn how? The good news is this IS entirely possible. But to do so, you will need to get out of fantasy-land in thinking we can learn a skill by observation alone. You can’t learn to ride a bike or play the piano from just reading a book. At some point, you have to DO THE THING. BUT WHAT THING? In this case, the “thing" would be to master the rupture/repair process that stops the negative cycle of the push/pull anxious/avoidant dance so that when you’re triggered by one another, you can move towards CONNECTION instead of DISCONNECTION. This requires a conscious understanding of attachment and conscious polarity. The impact of these skills can not be understated. Your Health shifts (our students with auto-immune issues end up resolving them) Anxiety lifts (you feel safe in your body) SELF-TRUST and confidence emerge (because you’re no longer running away from your shadow). And your children watching you get the benefit as well. (Think of how much your kids are impacted by the energy in the family container). WHAT YOU’RE UP AGAINST The biggest obstacle I see in most humans is our RESISTANCE to doing the real work. It feels safer talking to a therapist pretending that you’re building resilience. That takes more effort. When you’re willing to move through the fear and resistance, and start getting your body involved, you’ll notice a few wins right off the bat: 1) Decrease in feelings of shame and guilt (because you see you’re not alone) 2) Increase in your experience of self worth (because you set a boundary and made yourself a priority) Those two foundational shifts unlock pretty much everything else you’ve ever wanted in your relational game as your MAGNETISM upgrades and the RIGHT people start to find you. Clients — you start attracting higher vibing clients (I’m loving my new peeps). Dates (if you’re single— start showing up as more conscious and aware. And if you’re partnered— your partner is either inspired to step up to meet you, or if they don’t— you have the courage to walk away with an open heart, answering the “should I stay or go” question once and for all. Either way you win. The push-pull dynamic is a symptom of an underlying problem. And once you make the shifts— Your relational experience upgrades. Period. End of discussion. You get to make that call. Imagine that. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima _________________________________________ P.S. Ready to move beyond just reading books and watching YouTube videos? It's time to EXPERIENCE the transformation of expanding your capacity, rewiring insecure patterns, stopping fawning, and showing up magnetic. Join us for The Overview Experience— a powerful 6-hour training that feels like 6 years of therapy condensed into one transformative session. You won’t leave the same person who came in. You'll gain new skills, learn to distinguish between your shadows and blind spots, and break the infinite loop of conflict in the anxious/avoidant trap. Secure attachments aren't found; they are built through the conflict/repair cycle. At The Overview Experience, you'll learn to take command of your relationship anxiety and expose your blind spots in a fun, supportive environment with committed Cyclebreakers. Event Details: Date: • Saturday, June 29th, 12-6pm PST (3-9pm EST) • Sunday, June 30th, 5am-11am Sydney time What You’ll Learn: • Master the Rupture/Repair Process • Gain Clarity and Confidence in the “should I stay or go” question • Communicate in a magnetic frequency to inspire the healthy masculine/feminine • Understand the distinction between Conscious and Unconscious Polarity • Develop the critical skills to break free from Codependency and Trauma Bonding Special Offer: I’m opening the doors for 20 individuals ready to upgrade their relational and magnetic game. The first 10 registrants will receive a 1-1 integration call with me, valued at $997, for free. This session will help you implement what you’ve learned and identify any miss...…

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How Do I Heal My Insecure Attachment 2:25

45 weeks پیش2:25

2:25

Unless you had unicorn parents, chances are that you follow a combination of two primary insecure attachment styles: Anxious (Ambivalent)— Think of a wave who constantly needs connection. Avoidant (Dismissive)— Think of an “island” who needs space. or a combination of the two (Disorganized AKA “Dismissive avoidant”) The problem with these tests and quizzes is that once people find out their attachment style, (which really is about how we react to anxiety in relationships) they begin to think that their attachment style is set in stone. It’s like a pathological diagnosis that they’re “born with” that “they can’t do anything about”. I call bullsh#t. The problem with this belief is that these people begin to live as though they need to find the perfect person “out there,” this “magical other”who can tolerate their anxious behaviours and the way they cope, and in far too many cases, these folks feel entitled to finding someone who will solve their attachment wounding FOR them. Unfortunately living under this fantasy ends up with us in the same familiar dance, toxically repeating patterns, going through the anxious/avoidant cycle… when reality hits and we get our abandonment/avoidant wounds activated. This sends the fairy-tale high into a frenzy fuelled by the magnetism / repulsion of push/pull dynamics of love bombing (pedestalization), then the push away (devaluing) and the ghosting (discarding)... Over time relationships are experienced as endlessly on a merry go-round, the effects of the unconscious polarity turns at the drop of a dime... After conflict, without the right skills, the rug has been pulled out from under them and the high turns to suffering once the honeymoon phase is over and the reality sets in. These patterns run deep, and talking about them in therapy, listening to podcasts, and watching youtube videos DOESN’T ACTUALLY HEAL YOU. Why? Because our attachment distress responses of fight/flight/freeze/fawn are in our BIOLOGY. They live in the body, and get revealed only when we are triggered, and all the reading in the world won’t address it, the same way that you can’t learn to dance or swim by reading a book. Like doing a fire drill to “rehearse” what the students in the classroom will do in a REAL fire, To heal from these insecure attachment styles, these distress responses must be consciously and safely ACTIVATED (Triggered) while you “rehearse” a different response. And here’s where it shifts: The Anxious Attached would lean into SELF regulation instead of aggressively seeking connection. The Avoidant, normally an island-- would practice leaning into CO-REGULATION and mastering the art of elegant boundaries with their time and space. Both extremes in the polarizing game of masculine/feminine relationship dynamics, each one either can fan the flames of Toxic Trauma Bonding Push Pull dynamics, or — like in the relationship I’ve been able to co-create with my wife, we can use the relationship as a healing container where we alchemize the wounding into a sacred union where children feel seen, loved, safe— because the home has become a sanctuary. The good news is: You CAN heal. You CAN learn how to elegantly repair— and connect deeper as a result. Your attachment style is NOT a pathology. It either ends up as a curse that will unconsciously keep you pushing love away, or it can be your greatest magnetic trait for the right person. It’s our call. When you become Trigger-Proof, your relationship anxiety becomes an actual bridge to DEEPER intimacy, healing, and juicy magnetic polarity that comes from a conscious choosing, and deepening over time— instead of that intense “moth to a flame” that’s based on addiction, that fizzles out over time. (Tell me you’ve been there too). In the Attachment game, it’s important to remember 3 things: 1) You DESERVE to co-create love that feels secure and stable. You don’t have to be a doormat, create drama or ghost people, or feel victimized by everyone you meet. You don’t have to avoid love and live with 6 cats because “relationships are too difficult” and its better being alone. With the right skills, that doesn’t have to be true. There IS another way. 2) You CAN heal if you’re wiling to master some high level attachment skills, the kind you didn’t learn in school and can’t be taught by telling your story. It won’t kill us to look in the mirror sometimes. You CAN transcend the shame of it. 3) The skills you develop and practice not only grow your self worth, abundance, business, health, energy AND self trust… They can literally be taught to your children. These skills are transferrable to THEM. They are watching us in every moment and learning by what they observe. It’s freaking scary to see this with my son. He’s watching how I treat his mother. He’s learning, because I’m breaking the cycle for him. You were born with the potential and destiny to be secure in your relationships, owning your self worth, and not having to people please and wear a mask. If you’re like most people, you’ve been conditioned to be insecure. Unless you’ve alchemized your wounding, you will notice that that insecurity has likely informed too many of your choices in who you sleep with and even marry. This puts us in direct line of fire for an epic wake up call. I had to wait for a massive awakening to take ownership for the fact that who I let into my life was a direct result of the love I didn’t feel for myself. Learning how to relate securely and share my boundaries with love was a skill I never learned. And I was fortunate enough to discover that I wasn’t going to see any change in my outer world until I was willing to become Trigger-Proof, master the communication style of conscious polarity, and create safety within my own body. When I did, magnetism exploded, and the right students, clients, friends, and people entered my life, who demonstrated to me the love that I had gained for myself. I met my person by BECOMING my own person. I want the exact same for you. Your wingman on the adventure to secure love that is polarized…

Trigger Proof Transmissions (Cyclebreaker Collective)

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Why You Don't Know What You Want 4:44

50 weeks پیش4:44

4:44

It isn't normal to know what we want. It is a rare and difficult psychological achievement.” ― Abraham Maslow I remember it feeling like a panic in my system. I was in a crossroads of my life, wondering what’s next, and when someone asked me what I wanted, my response was “I have no clue what I want.” (The truth is, I did know-- I was just disconnected) Having made it through the other side with rock solid certainty of who I am, what my purpose is, what I’m creating, giving myself FULL PERMISSION to desire what I want, I can empathize with people who are stuck in “Should I stay or go” dynamics, not sure if they need to leave a shitty situation, or frozen in fear of making a decision they will regret. In moments where there has been repeated relationship ruptures, we disconnect with ourselves, our hearts, our knowing, our intuition. If you can relate, just know that it’s not your fault. It’s in your CONDITIONING to not be present to your desires. When we are stuck in the conditioning, triggered into unconsciousness and reactivity, When SURVIVAL becomes our PURPOSE, we disconnect from the truth of our needs and boundaries. In that space, Love becomes a challenge (because we turn into fawners) In that space, Sexuality becomes scary (because sex becomes a performance) In that space, Money becomes scarce (because we inherently live in an “undeserving” space). This is why life and relationships become unsatisfying. That’s why I’m dedicated to the reconnection and rewiring process so that you find access to your SELF WORTH. Which causes you to find access to your BOUNDARIES, which then leads to having you find access to your NEEDS, which then gives you access to a sense of DESERVING to get those needs met. From that integrated place you can share in a secure way with others with communication that magnetizes you getting your Love, Sex, and Money game— exactly how you want it. It’s all possible if you’re willing to Rewire your conditioning. If I can go from being stuck and not knowing if I should stay or go, to being in a secure relationship, with a family, doing what I love, where I love, with whom I love, breaking cycles by teaching my son that he doesn’t ever have to perform for love... Imagine what YOU could do. Your wingman on your adventure towards co-regulation and your magnetism, Nima ____________________________________________ P.S. Ready to learn how to liberate yourself from your conditioning in Love/Sex/and Money? Ready to learn how to “give less f*cks” about what people think of you? Ready to learn how to get connected to your needs, desires, and feelings, and KNOW that you’re Deserving of breaking those insecure patterns? I’m taking 5 couples through the process at Rewire: Love/Sex/Money on May 17-19th over 3 days. 3 days of deep transformation over the topics that most people argue about in long term relationships. Day 1: Healing from Trauma Bonded Push-pull Dynamics so you can break the anxious/avoidant cycle Day 2: Healing from Sexual Shame and blockages so you can change your relationship to pleasure and intimacy Day 3: Healing from Money trauma and conditioning that has you living like it’s shameful or “bad” to earn a good living. We have space for 4 more couples, and for those who register this week, the ticket for your partner is FREE. (promo code: Rewire100 gives you a further 100 dollar discount within the next 24 hours) [Rewire Love/Sex/Money conditioning here]…

Trigger Proof Transmissions (Cyclebreaker Collective)

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I realized I Was The Problem 14:48

50 weeks پیش14:48

14:48

Have you heard the Taylor Swift song “Anti-Hero”? I remember the first time hearing it and was blown away. “I’ll stare directly in the sun but never in the mirror” was one of my favorite lines of all time in a song, because it captured what I see so often when helping people stuck in toxic relationship dynamics. In a world where it has become the latest trend to research Narcissism and point the finger and blame the other person, it’s both inspiring and honorable to see someone on their healing journey have the courage and maturity to take ownership of their part in the dance. This is what happened with Michelle, who was staring down the barrel of another failed marriage. Her second. It was HIS third. They had recently separated at the time, and she was convinced HE was the Narcissist. (She shares in this 14 minute video) Stuck in a “should I stay or go” dynamic, endless negative cycle of anxious/avoidant ruptures with no training on HOW TO REPAIR, not realizing that the very dynamics they were acting out were exactly like the roles that were playing in childhood, not knowing what to do. She realized it wasn’t her fault, but she wasn’t seeing herself as the problem. Obviously he had his woundings as well. But she finally recognized her pattern. She reached out to rewire the conditioning and began learning: -how to identify her triggers and be able to discern if it’s something happening NOW, or it’s historical (hint, it’s always historical) - How to identify her “projections” and be able to see what she was judging during a conflict was something inside of her that she hadn’t realized - How to take conflict and turn it into deeper intimacy Michelle began to become Trigger-Proof (Not trigger-less!) and her separated husband noticed such a massive shift in her, AND THE ENTIRE DYNAMIC SHIFTED. He began actually WANTING to step up and participate. The results in the way she was reacting towards him, giving up her victim story had him doing a double take. Together, they joined us at Rewire: Love/Sex/Money, and in front of the entire group (it was a zoom call), they BOTH committed to taking full ownership and responsibility rather than play the blame game. They BOTH realized they were part of an unconscious dance, and it wasn’t EITHER of their fault! She even divulged in front of everyone something she had been holding back in their sex lives, that got in the way of their connection. That heart opening moment caused him to really want to step up and take care of her. (This is massive). They went from “It’s over” to “we have enough here to keep working on this”. His shifts didn’t stop with Michelle. His relationships with his family and children all shifted through the process too. All over one 3-day weekend. There’s something magical about investing 3 days to learn skills that should have been taught to us to navigate the 3 most common triggers in any relationship: The anxious-- avoidant negative cycle, Sex, and Money. When you do, you realize it’s not your fault, but it IS your responsibility to deal with what’s coming up on your side of the street. Then you’re able to go from “stuck" to “we now have the tools”. “We got this”. No more worrying if we are making the right decision. No more worrying about regrets. The only regret from 100% of our participants we hear is that they wish they learned all this sooner. It all begins with putting down the magnifying glass, the one we use to constantly highlight how THEY are the problem, and pick up a mirror instead. And the biggest obstacle will be the unwillingness to face our shame and guilt, and to make the time for yourself and your family’s growth. And when you’re willing to lean in, you become the cyclebreaker of your family line. Michelle shares some of her journey here in this 14 minute video. This is why I love guiding those who are ready to be the one to break the cycle in their family line. It’s not YOU that’s the problem, but it IS your conditioning, and that IS your responsibility to shift. Standing for healed families, regardless if you’re a “Swifty” or not. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima. P.S. If you’re ready to rewire the top 3 roadblocks in the Nervous Systems of most humans, in Love, in Sex, and in Money, so that you can - Master the rupture-repair process to ensure you build secure attachment, - Create Magnetism and Polarity — (even in long term relationships that gets lost after you have kids) - Expand your Capacity to receive in your financial game, we have 5 spots left for 5 couples who are ready to make 2024 THE year where the narrative shifts from “Insecurity” to “security”. This is the 3rd time I’m doing this event on May 17th-19th (North America) ( 18-20th in Oz ) and we are almost at capacity. I’m offering this as a 2-for-1 because I am committed to helping families heal, and this can be done more efficiently when BOTH parties are all-in for getting clarity in a “should I stay or go” situation and go BEYOND TALK THERAPY, and actually get into unpacking the conditioning that has us showing up as reactive, emotionally immature, and insecure. 5 spots left, and I have a promo code for the next 24 hours that will unlock a 50% discount. (REWIRE THE ROOT CONDITIONING HERE)…

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The Impact Of Your Inner Work On Your Children 4:11

1 year پیش4:11

4:11

Imagine it was 40 years ago. And your parents were about to make an important decision. They were sitting on an opportunity to help them heal a part of themselves. They were on the precipice of deciding if NOW is the time to resolve some of their childhood wounding. The wounding that had them feeling like they were "not enough”. The wounding that had them living with so much anxiety and pain. The wounding that had them turn to addictions to help them regulate. The wounding that contributed to their chronic health issues. The wounding that caused them to be so reactive or shut down, unable to be with your emotions, and unable to understand and validate your perspective, because they were too disconnected from themselves. Take a moment and consider how that would have impacted your life if they did. How would that impact your sense of self worth? How would that impact your sense of self trust? How would that impact your relationship with them and yourself? Would you have wanted that for them? What if they were “too busy”? Would you have insisted they learn? You bet you would. That’s why Mark jumped “all-in" to do his inner healing work. Initially he was in a “should I stay or go” situation with his wife. She was ready to move on after trying to connect with him for years, all to no avail. She had enough. And in so many cases with men who finally take responsibility for healing their reactivity—that was Mark’s wake up call as well. When he reached out to me, he was so disconnected from himself and his wife— and here was his telltale sign when I asked him: Do you love yourself? At the time, he wasn’t able to even look in a mirror— let alone say “I love you” to himself. But he was committed to learning how to become Trigger-Proof and Integrating his shadows— the younger parts of himself that was holding onto shame. He also became proficient at breaking the rupture/repair cycle. He really got that those were critical skills not taught in school, not taught to him by his parents, but he was committed to teaching them. Today, the impact has been huge. Even though he’s now separated with his wife, their relationship has flourished as conscious co-parents for his two children. And the best part of all: His children couldn’t fathom saying “I love you” to themselves before he took on the work. Today, they can and they do, and it’s all because of the fact that A RISING TIDE LIFTS ALL BOATS. Our kids learn how to relate to themselves simply by watching us. Our Anxiety becomes their anxiety. Our sense of self worth becomes theirs. Mastering this one skill of self-worth in our lives prevents our children from having to spend thousands on therapy because they learned through our unconscious behavior that they weren’t enough. The greatest gift to our children is to provide them with parents that TRULY love themselves. Their physical and mental health depends on how stable their parents are, with themselves, with each other, This is how we break the cycle. Imagine if your parents took that on 40 years ago, and learned those skills. How would your life be different? The best news of all is that it’s never too late to rewire your past experience. When you do, your magnetism emerges as you feel safer in your skin, and all your relationships — with EVERYONE around you transforms as a reflection of the safety you feel within yourself. You’re THAT powerful. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima _________ P.S. Ready to learn what it takes to break the cycle? If you’re a parent and are concerned about how your unresolved material could be impacting your kids and teens, and want to learn about the foundations to ensure that your children have the skills to ensure they are raised to love and trust themselves, you’re welcome to join my Cyclebreakers community workshop: Connecting to an Anxious Child: Support Your Kid's Emotional Health by Becoming a Polyvagal Parent (From a Somatic Lens). In this 3 hour workshop on Friday April 19th from 4-7pm PST (7-10EST) we will cover the nuances that you didn’t learn growing up: How to help a child move through uncomfortable emotions like anger and anxiety, and how to stop repeating the same mistakes your parents made and learn become the conscious, polyvagal parent your child needs. $30 for a live zoom session with Q and A, with the replay taken down after 48 hours. If you’re wanting to learn how to turn anxiety into safety and fear into freedom and pass that along to your child, you are most welcome.…

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Shame is the Main Hurdle in the Path of Healing 3:33

1 year پیش3:33

3:33

In 2018, I remember hating what I saw when I looked in the mirror. Shame— that feeling of being “inherently bad inside” the feeling behind the reason people end their lives…. Is not something we are born with: It’s something we are born INTO. Like a fish being born into a fishbowl of dirty water, we take on the shame of cultural norms we are raised in, societal/family expectations, and unknowingly, it lives in our bones. It’s an energy that is heavy and it sits in your body. You can tell when someone’s carrying it, can’t you. Shame has a purpose, though. This is the main emotion that can be designed for a positive use: to allow us to co-exist with one another, being mindful of our impact on those around us. Healthy shame is what causes us to level up our situation. I wouldn’t be teaching people how to transform their lives and making an impact without it. But when shame is left unexamined and unresolved, the impact of the shaming that you are carrying from the experiences growing up becomes THE weapon that causes intergenerational wounds that cause us to suffer physically, mentally, and relationally. If you want to understand what I’m talking about here, then simply think of a childhood experience where you were left sitting in shame without someone to help you make sense of it. That child inside of you— or any child for that matter— who exhibits a behavior and has an adult reactively shame them— and leaves them without a conversation to repair, without any explanations, or co-regulation, without an empathetic witness on the same team to guide and coach them toward a different, healthier behavior will grow up thinking they are INHERENTLY BAD. This creates a massive charge in the child’s Nervous System. And without an adult there to co-regulate with, to cope with these very challenging sensations, in order to survive, that child responds by creating a story: “It’s my fault. I’m too much. I’m not enough. I’m bad”. Often, this story will get wired in again and again, sometimes for decades. Can you imagine the impact that might have? If this sounds familiar, go ahead and track the journey of several ruptures that the child inside of you has had growing up that was never repaired. Here’s a list of all the shame-fuelled symptoms they might experience throughout their lives and in relationships: Low Self-Esteem: Constant exposure to shame leads to a deeply ingrained belief that one is fundamentally flawed or unworthy, manifesting as persistently low self-esteem. Chronic Anxiety: Adults who were shamed as children will experience ongoing anxiety, particularly in social situations, paralyzed by fear of further judgment or rejection. Depression: The internalization of shame contributes to feelings of hopelessness and depression, as the individual will believe they are undeserving of happiness or incapable of change. Avoidance of Intimacy: Fear of vulnerability, stemming from shame, makes close relationships challenging. Adults will avoid intimacy to protect themselves from the possibility of being shamed again. Perfectionism: In an attempt to counteract feelings of shame, individuals will become perfectionists, constantly striving to prove their worth through "flawless performance.” Substance Abuse: To cope with the painful feelings associated with shame, some might turn to drugs, alcohol, or other forms of self-medication. Aggression or Anger Issues: Shame also gets externalized as anger or aggression. This was massive in my last relationship, and the very reason why it became abusive between us. With shame, Individuals become easily triggered and engage in confrontational behavior as a defense mechanism. Fawning/Difficulty Setting Boundaries: Those raised with shame struggle to assert their needs and set healthy boundaries, become people pleasers as they might fear rejection or believe they don't deserve to have their needs met. Problems with Authority Figures: Experiences of shame often leads to distrust of, or challenges with authority figures, stemming from early experiences of being shamed by caregivers or adults in positions of power. Codependency: In adulthood, the quest for external validation to counteract internal feelings of shame is the root of codependent relationships, where the individual's self-esteem and emotional well-being are overly dependent on others. If you can relate, you’re not alone. You might not have known that unresolved shame was the main culprit. That was my reality for my first 43 years of life. And in helping people all over the world struggling in intimate partnerships, wondering if they should stay or go, not being able to attract love that is secure — tired of the patterns repeating, they are relieved to realize they all have one thing in common: Unresolved shame. Just like our parents did. That means we can actually do something about it. But without confronting it, and working through it in community, we are passing it down to our children, and become mortified as we will inevitably watch them struggle with the EXACT SAME PROBLEMS listed above. Luckily it’s never to late to break the cycle. When we turn inward and learn how to integrate these shadows, become Trigger-Proof, and master the art of regulating our nervous systems, we can sit in the discomfort of shame and guilt and do something powerful: We can ALCHEMIZE it— turning lead into gold— and create profound healing. And then we can help the next generation— by listening and sharing. That way instead of having them grow up with the same codependent dynamics that started from shame— we get to be the ones to teach them that there is INHERENT GOODNESS inside of them. It all starts with our willingness to get out of story, and master the art of creating safety within, and becoming highly skilled at repair (with our own shameful parts first.) And what a profound impact it has not only for us, but for our kids as well. Lightness. Laughter. Play. Connection. Authenticity. Intimacy. The deeper I go within myself and heal with the parts of me that were convinced they were shameful, the more self expressed my son Dominic becomes, as my reactivity turns to gentle responsiveness towards his behavior and emotions. No screaming. No yelling. No shaming. Coaching him to his own inherent goodness. The shame spiral didn’t start with me, but it ends with me— and that’s the biggest idea that I know of dedicating my life to. And I’m honored to be walking that path with you. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima. P.S. If navigating parenting challenges and nurturing a child's emotional well-being feels daunting, especially against the backdrop of childhood shame, you're not alone. You’re invited to Join our pivotal 3 hour workshop,…

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How Co-Dependent Marriage Impacts Children 5:50

1 year پیش5:50

5:50

In the book “Laws of Human Nature” by Robert Greene, he summarizes in a beautiful way the focus of my life’s work: Think back to your younger self-- growing up as a child (if you can remember it): In the first 3 or 4 years our brains are especially malleable. We experience emotions much more intensely, creating memory traces that are much deeper than anything that will follow. In this period of life we are at our most susceptible to the influence of others, and the stamp which is left in these formative years is PROFOUND. Bowlby in the 80’s studied infants and their mothers patterns of attachment, and came up with 4 basic Patterns: 1) Secure (Free/Autonomous) 2) Dismissing (Avoidant) 3) Enmeshed (Axious/ambivalent) 4) Disorganized The secure/free/autonomous pattern comes from mothers who give their children freedom to discover themselves, and are continually sensitive to their needs, but also protect them. Dismissing mothers are often distant— even hostile sometimes and often rejecting. Such children are stamped with the feeling of abandonment and the experience that they will always have to fend for themselves. (Think if you can relate to this in your childhood). The enmeshed/ambivalent/anxious mothers are not consistent with their attention: Sometimes suffocating and over-involved, and other times retreating because they are swarmed with their own anxieties and problems. They can make their children feel like they have to take care of the people who really should be taking care of them. (Think back on your childhood if you can relate to this pattern and the impact it has had on you). Disorganized mothers send highly conflicting signals to their children, reflecting their own inner chaos and early traumatic events. Nothing their children do is right, and such children often develop powerful emotional problems. The are variations in these patterns, but the quality of our attachments to our caregivers will create deep tendencies within us and will set up the blueprint for not only how our relationships will pan out— but also will impact our children as well. In particular— the way we (and thus our children) will use relationships in order to handle and modulate stress. Children of the DISMISSING parent will tend to avoid any situation that will bring big emotions that are negative, and to wall themselves off from feelings of dependency: Their battle cry: “I don’t NEED anyone!” They will become Avoidant, and have problems committing to relationships and will unconsciously push people away. Children of enmeshed parents will experience a great deal of anxiety within relationships, and will constantly feel a conflicting mess of emotions. These kids become “ambivalent” towards people where they will pursue people and then unconsciously retreat. In general from our early years we will display a particular tone to their character: Hostile and aggressive, secure and confident, anxious and avoidant, needy and enmeshing… After helping folks with insecure attachments heal these wounds and set the groundwork for secure love… I realized something: Most of the Cyclebreakers in our community are also parents realizing they have unwittingly co-created insecure patterns with their children. They’re seeing their kids get into relationships with their own co-dependency issues. That got me thinking... My kid is growing up and it’s really important for me to ensure he doesn’t get into Trauma Bonds. That means how I support him emotionally right now and how my relationship with both him and his mother play out will be THE FACTOR in how he relates to his emotions, his behavior when he’s dysregulated, and how confident he feels with others. So far, it seems that the training I’ve received and am passing on to the participants in my community is creating some magical outcomes: He’s open, playful, and fearless when it comes to showing up in new situations. ZERO ANXIETY when it came to his first day of preschool. This is not a brag. It’s what happens when a kid is raised with parents that are Trauma informed, and willing to “do the work." The most common comment we get about Dominic is “he’s so friendly and talkative.” He’s connected to empathy, He is connected to his curiosity. He is connected to his needs. He’s connected to his own self worth. And believe it or not, he’s beginning to understand the importance of asking for his needs to be met responsibly. It seems that my journey to healing from my own co-dependency unknowingly created a skill within me I never thought I would be good at: Parenting, and creating a home that feels like a sanctuary where everyone feels seen and heard. A child not feeling seen and heard is the root cause of why we become anxious and codependent in the first place. And by taking on the work to heal insecure attachment wounds, our children benefit from the overflow— impact their relationship with THEMSELVES. The greatest gift we can give our children is a parent that loves themselves. Without this, we spill our anxieties onto them, taking on a life of self doubt and self blame (just like we did), looking for solace in Codependent partnerships. When we get this right, we break the cycle, and create a possibility where our children grow up to be self loving, resourceful, resilient, boundaried, UNWILLING to tolerate being treated like shit because they love themselves. This is why I do what I do. This is why I left Chiropractic to teach what I’m teaching. It’s personal for me to be your co-pilot to helping break these challenging cycles. With the right guidance and community, even in this environment that looks pretty scary for kids, we can help raise children who trust themselves, are secure, confident and know their self worth. I salute parents who take on the work of healing through their trauma, anxiety and reactivity, so their children don’t have to. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima _________________________________ P.S. If you are a parent wanting to up your game, and master the skills to help your child with their anxious and problematic behavior, and learn how to create a home that feels l...…

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How To Help a Kid With Anxiety 2:23

1 year پیش2:23

2:23

Like millions of parents out there, Jenny had an anxious kid. The worst part of seeing our kids struggle with anxiety is the feeling of powerlessness we have. We just want them to know they’re going to be ok. “Calm down” “Take deep breaths” “don’t be anxious” are likely things your parents said to you when you were younger and dealing with your fears, uncertainties, and difficult emotions growing up. Unfortunately, our parents didn’t have access to the tools and awareness we now have. Our parents didn’t understand about the Nervous System, how our behavior is run by unresolved feelings underneath. They didn’t teach us how to be with the charge that will arise through the challenges of school, socializing with friends, and getting/not getting approval of our classmates. Jenny started seeing a lot of disconnection and dissociation in her household and wanted to help her kids. So she did something very few parents have the courage to do: She decided to get past the blame game and decide to help the child inside of her FIRST. By tending to the big emotions that arise every day within her, and learning how to be with them and expand her capacity to be with her triggers, (What I love to call “becoming Trigger-Proof”), a calmness ensued— and she became a safe container for herself. Then something magical happened— without having to send her kids to do any “therapy” to “fix” them: They began to feel safer within themselves. See, our kids are responding to the energy in the container of the household. If there is incongruency and inauthenticity within our relationships— there’s a funky “charge” that’s prouduced between us. That’s how you can usually tell when someone’s lying to you. Or when someone is saying “I’m fine” when they are not. Kids can feel that between their parents. What we have discovered is that more often than not, when anxiety is involved, kids are reacting to an attachment that is ruptured, or a perception of a lack of safety in the home. My son can always tell when there’s something not right when my wife and I have had an argument. Think of what your childhood was like when your parents weren’t getting along. This is why the greatest thing we can do for a kid struggling with anxiety, is to learn how to work with the charges that are arising within ourselves. When we do, we become a safe container where intimacy can be shared, feelings can be expressed, and shame can be dissolved. Instead of trying to fix her child, make him happy, or see her son as flawed, Jenny took it on as a wake-up call to look within and see what her kid was reflecting within HERSELF. This is what I call becoming a Trauma informed Parent. She shares her story HERE. Taking on the work of breaking intergenerational trauma cycles is the most heroic act we can do for our kids. When we do, we feel safer within. Less reactive… And when our kid shows up with a sense of anxiety, or fear of rejection— we know EXACTLY how to help them, because we have already helped the child/teen inside of ourselves. This is the work. This is what it means to be a cyclebreaker. We CAN teach our children what was never taught to us: How to develop a healthy sense of self worth. To have confidence to take on challenges. To believe in themselves. What a noble thing to dedicate yourself to something you never received growing up. Anxiety isn’t a disease to fight. It’s a wake up call to look inside. Sending you so much love on your courageous journey within. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima ------------------------------------------------------------------- P.S. Due to popular demand from our community, for the FIRST time I’ll be hosting a workshop for parents who want to up their game to help them connect better with their kids, and find healthier alternatives to punishment/parenting with shame so they can break the cycles they grew up in that led them to insecure attachment styles. After all— where do you think you developed your anxious and avoidant tendencies? If you want to make sure you’re not creating anxious and insecure children, kids who believe in themselves and won’t abandon themselves for anyone… "You’ll love what you learn at Connecting to an Anxious Child: Support Your Kid's Emotional Health by Becoming a Polyvagal Parent (From a Somatic Lens).” You’ll be learning how to parent with a Trauma Informed Lens, and I’ll be sharing somatic practices and strategies to help kids process their big emotions and deepen your connection with them, so they will WANT to spend time with you later in life, without the resentment that develops with unconscious parenting. For only $30 you can join us Friday April 19th at 4-7pm PST (7-10 EST) or Saturday the 20th at 10am Sydney time in Oz . Jump in and join us.…

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The Willingness Of Imperfection (While On Daddy Duty) 1:22

1 year پیش1:22

1:22

Take a moment to reflect on how boundaries were modelled to you growing up. Were you punished for sharing them? Guilted into removing them? In my family system, they weren’t really taught to us elegantly. I’m not even blaming my parents, either. We can’t lead others where we have never been. In persian culture, it’s considered rude to set boundaries. Fawning (performative people pleasing) is taught to us at an early age, with the concept of “tarof,” which is all about violating our own boundaries to appease others. We suppress our truth with a freeze response, while another part of us performs an act of self-abandonment. You can imagine how much drama that might cause in relationships, as that truth needs to come out SOMEHOW, mostly through gossip, backbiting, or shit-talking so we can dispel that suppressed energy somewhere, leaving the chance of authentic relationships in the dust. Imagine an entire culture’s identity is built on a Trauma Response. The impact of this incongruence between my needs and what I communicate was one of the critical factors that were the perfect storm for my Trauma bonded relationship with my ex to thrive. Because I was so used to having my requests for space ignored, because that was FAMILIAR (meaning— “like family”) I didn’t see it as a red flag. I didn’t take that as a sign to walk away. Having my boundaries for space disrespected wasn’t abnormal, so it was no surprise that I stayed far too long in a situation that was unhealthy…. All because I didn’t have the awareness, practice and training in the elegant skill of setting healthy boundaries. When you become Trigger-Proof, and master the art of elegant boundaries, You deepen the connection between you and the other. Sounds counter intuitive, but it’s true: Intentional, healthy boundaries become points of connection between you and the other. When intentional healthy boundaries are set in a relationship, the resentment between you dissolves, as you no longer have to abandon yourself in order to be in a relationship with them, and vice versa. Think of how you’d react if you knew someone had to violate their boundaries just to be in a relationship to you. (Chances are, it happens often, and you’re not conscious of it). This is why to heal and create secure connections, we MUST be willing to learn. As I learned to navigate the nuanced terrain of elegant boundaries, all of my relationships became more secure, more loving, more fulfilling. More relaxed, less anxious. I didn’t have to go to the extremes of either fawning or completely avoiding people. It turns out, to my surprise, there’s a beautiful place in the middle. I could then honor the need my body was expressing in the moment, and developed the confidence to know that if another person wasn’t willing to honor that need, that I didn’t have to fawn, appease, or people please to stay in the relationship. I could just direct my energy towards those who honored me as much as I honored myself. What a startling discovery. It wasn’t them. And it wasn’t my fault, either. It was MY responsibility to learn the skills I was deficient in. The biggest obstacle is the shame of realizing how much time I had spent in fawning. How much of my life was invested in people pleasing. And how bad I SUCKED at setting elegant boundaries. Things are different now. But now in helping the hundreds of people in our CycleBreakers community, navigate the treacherous terrain of Fawning and setting boundaries, I realized that we ALL have the task to show up WILLING to eat the same humble pie. We all are on the same climb, and the only way to do it is to be: WILLING to suck at boundaries, WILLING to get it wrong, WILLING to get into ruptures WILLING to repair WILLING to get messy as we navigate our new identity that isn’t led by our Traumas. I realized that If I didn’t have that willingness, I was going to my grave never having experienced love that felt safe. Only with this willingness and humility was I able to create Secure Love. And that’s why I love sharing these practices with others who are just as willing to suck at it, while they learn how to master the most important skill never taught in school: How to become better at love. By putting down the magnifying glass, and picking up the mirror, and mastering the art of elegant boundaries. Your confident, secure, boundaried self awaits. You got this. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima P.S. If the tale of performing to please, of silence over speaking truth, resonates with you, then my 3 hour workshop is your next step toward clarity and self-respect. On Friday March 15th from 4-7 PST (7-10 EST) which is 12 pm in Sydney on Saturday March the 16th, In the "From Fawning to Secure Boundaries: How to Elegantly Advocate for Yourself in Relationships,” workshop, we address: • Cultural Narratives and Personal Boundaries: Unpack how family and cultural teachings impact your boundary setting. • The Art of Elegant Boundaries: Discover strategies for asserting your space that honor both your needs and those of others. • Breaking the Cycle of Fawning: Move beyond people-pleasing to genuine relationship building. • Conflict as Connection: Learn to use disagreements as opportunities to deepen bonds rather than drive wedges. • From Fawning to Confidence: Shift from appeasement to asserting needs confidently, knowing when to walk away and when to stay. As we guide you through these themes, Neurosensory exercises ensure the transformation from insight to action, making the learning not just understood but embodied. This workshop is more than a learning experience—it's a space for some messy transformation. It's for those ready to venture beyond familiar patterns into a realm of secure, authentic connections. If you're prepared to explore the depths of your relationships and yourself, to embrace the awkwardness of learning, and to emerge with a newfound sense of boundary and self, this is your invitation. SHIFT FROM FAWNING TO LIVING AUTHENTICALLY HERE…

Trigger Proof Transmissions (Cyclebreaker Collective)

1
From Dissociation to Reconnection 17:01

1 year پیش17:01

17:01

There’s a hidden root cause behind most of our relationship challenges. And it’s not about the “other” person. It’s something more insidious. In fact you can’t even feel it most of the time. Most of us who are stuck in relationship dynamics that feel toxic, living in a “should I stay or go” situation are painfully unaware that there’s something deeper that isn’t being addressed. It’s called “dissociation”. Dissociation is a protective mechanism that causes us to leave our bodies when we are children when we encounter pain or emotional charge that is too much, too, soon, or not enough for a prolonged period of time. We end up numbing ourselves. Disconnecting from reality. Scrolling, numbing, avoiding, hiding. Anything to avoid feeling what’s inside. This causes us to live like we are floating, drifting through life, grasping for safety, validation, or to be seen and heard by others in order to feel love. Without even knowing, this is how many of us do relationships. This is exactly what was happening to Mona when she reached out to me. Grieving the breakdown of her most recent relationship feeling like she was disconnected from reality, she went all-in and decided to heal at a biological level (not just through talk therapy which she had tried) to get to the root cause. She discovered she was a fawner, conditioned from her South Asian background to abandon herself and search for safety through men. She was so low, she didn’t even know if life was worth living. She had never learned how to create safety from within. She had never learned how to take her triggers and turn them into deeper intimacy. She had never learned how to navigate the challenging terrain of setting healthy boundaries. But when she did, everything shifted for her. You can hear her expression when I interviewed her in this 17 minute video. Sometimes I get shocked at the transformation people achieve when they learn how to become their own medicine. And then I remember that the body knows exactly what to do when we learn how to resource ourselves. Dissociation causes us to live like our soul has left our body. When that’s happening, we can’t advocate for ourselves. We betray our own self worth for the sake of attachment, and people pleasing becomes our only grasp at safety. If you can relate to this, just know that there’s nothing wrong with you. There’s likely a deep conditioned fawn response and you haven’t likely even learned how to somatically attune to your own boundaries. But when you do, as you can see from the look on Mona’s face, you reconnect with yourself, your younger parts, your inner child, and all the shadows (parts of you that you’ve been trying to avoid) can come out and play and you get to experience what true self love feels like. You can feel it radiating from her face and voice in the video. If she can do it, so can you. We CAN learn how to become our own medicine, and become the secure partner to ourselves -- the one we've been looking outside of ourselves, waiting for. I found everything I was looking for in a partner after finding it in myself— from Dissociation to deeper connection. And that’s why it makes my heart sing to teach this to anyone willing to look inward and master this sacred practice. You got this. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima. If you ready to break free from the cycle of dissociation that keeps you trapped in harmful relationship patterns, I have a 3 hour training and you’re invited. Dissociation, a common trauma response, can make us escape into fantasy and neglect our own needs, leading to a cycle of unhealthy relationships. Join me on Friday, March 15th, from 4-7pm PST (7-10pm EST) / Saturday, March 16th, 11-2pm in Sydney, for our focused, 3-hour workshop: "From Fawning to Secure Boundaries.” We’re limiting the session to 100 participants to ensure personal attention and effective learning. This workshop is crucial for anyone ready to confront their dissociative habits and reclaim their sense of self in relationships. For just $30, we’ll explore the links between dissociation and relationship fantasies, how these fantasies lead to self-abandonment, and practical steps to establish real, firm boundaries. We’ll provide tools and techniques to keep you present and protected, breaking the cycle of escaping into fantasy when things get tough. If you’re tired of the disconnect and ready to face your relationships with a new, grounded perspective, this is your chance. Click here to secure your spot and take a definitive step towards healing and secure love. (RELEASE DISSOCIATION AND FAWNING HERE) http://go.drnima.com/w66da…

Trigger Proof Transmissions (Cyclebreaker Collective)

1
How Fantasy Affects Your Relationships 1:58

1 year پیش1:58

1:58

What are your fantasies? At first glance, you might be thinking that I’m talking about sexuality and fetishes. I’m not. I’m talking about the root cause of our Trauma Bonds. Picture this: you grow up in a childhood where you experienced the wounding of: abuse, loss, abandonment rejection (bullying) emotional neglect, maturing too early, or shaming…. and you didn’t have attuned parents who could hold space for your emotions, and help you regulate through them… Then chances are, you as a child/teen escaped into FANTASY in order to cope with that harsh reality. It’s not your fault. It’s a BRILLIANT mechanism that helps us survive. Unfortunately it has harsh consequences in our adulthood. It causes us to set unrealistic expectations for ourselves and our relationships, INCLUDING OUR PARENTING, which stifles our ability to be present with what is, and create inspiring outcomes in reality. This then becomes fertile breeding ground for Trauma Bonds, attracting the insecure relationships and narcissistic / codependent relationship dynamics which always begin with love-bombing and pedestalizing one another. See if you can recognize the pattern here: “I love you, so now you must change and do whatever you need to do in order to silence my insecurities and avoid saying or doing anything that triggers my anxiety, because your job is to fulfill my desires and meet my needs without ever disappointing me.” Oh and I forgot— variation #1: “if you don’t do this, then you’re the problem, you’re toxic, and I can find someone who will love me for who I am.” Variation #2: “if you don’t do this, then I’m going to complain until I I get what I want”. The sad part? In this exhausting game, you’ll notice that IT’S NEVER GOOD ENOUGH. Nothing will quite satisfy the fantasy— the desire to bring it back to when the initial phase loaded with oxytocin and dopamine. Fantasy is defined as "the faculty or activity of imagining things, especially things that are impossible or improbable.” And finding something OUTSIDE of us to fill a childhood void is highly improbable. And if you can resonate with what I’m sharing here, just know that you’re not alone, and you aren’t doing anything “wrong.” You simply haven’t learned the high level attachment skills necessary for secure love to thrive. And 90% of that deep work is dissolving our fantasies, detaching from our addiction to dopamine, releasing the expectation of someone to rescue us from our childhood wounding, and mastering the art of healing our attachment wounds that get activated in ANY relationship. In other words, without mastering the art of the conflict/repair cycle, dissolving our people pleasing/fawning responses and learning how to set elegant boundaries, our relationships CAN’T be grounded in reality. We regress to a child like state to cope with challenges, we fawn and people please and abandon ourselves for the fantasy steeped in pornography and romance novels, instead of learning how to BE with what’s in front of us and create TRUE INTIMACY. When I did this, my relationships completely changed. I was able to set firm boundaries and the way people treated me completely changed. I was able to find love that is secure, not chaotic and volatile. I stopped trying to find love and validation OUTSIDE myself, and found it within, and when I did, Secure love found me. Now, instead of being my problem to solve, I am with a woman who is MY PEACE. This is what you deserve. We were born for it. But to get there, we must be willing to examine the root cause and resolve it at a nervous system level, shifting fantasy and mastering the ability to navigate reality. When you do, you experience something truly magical, being able to find magic in even the mundane moments, no longer seeking intense and volatile passion (which means “to suffer”— look it up). You deserve it. Your wingman on the adventure, Nima P.S. Ready to stop falling for fantasy and start living in reality, especially when it comes to relationships? Fantasy can lead to fawning and ignoring our own needs and losing ourselves. It’s time to learn how to set real, practical boundaries to keep ourselves safe and grounded. Join me on Friday, March 15th, from 4-7pm PST (7-10pm EST) / Saturday, March 16th, 11-2pm in Sydney for a straight-talking, 3-hour workshop: "From Fawning to Secure Boundaries.” We’re keeping it small with only 100 spots to make sure everyone gets focused help. This workshop is for you if you’re tired of getting lost in relationships that are more about make-believe than mutual respect. For $30, we'll tackle why we slip into fantasy, how to spot when we’re abandoning our own needs, and clear steps to start setting boundaries that stick. No fluff – just practical skills and strategies to help protect yourself from falling into harmful patterns and relationships. If you’ve had enough of feeling stuck and want to start protecting your space and energy, this workshop is your move. Click the link below to join and start changing the way you handle relationships. END FANTASY AND MASTER BOUNDARIES NOW http://go.drnima.com/w66da…

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Trigger Proof Transmissions (Cyclebreaker Collective) « » What is Projection and how it shows up in relationships

What is Projection and how it shows up in relationships

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What is Projection and how it shows up in relationships