Giving and Receiving Feedback with Dr. Árpád Rózsás - #104

The Formula Podcast with Trevor Carlson

Feedback. How do you ask for it? Who do you solicit feedback from? Personally, I consult my good friend and mentor Dr. Árpád Rózsás, a civil engineer I met in the Netherlands last fall. He believes that learning to process feedback in the right way can help you grow more than you thought possible. In our conversation, Dr. Rózsás also gives advice on how to live more rationally.

In this episode, we will discuss:

• Dr. Rózsás’ natural way of providing feedback
• How do you give feedback in a helpful way?
• Listening to the receiver
• Putting on a persona vs. Being true to yourself
• Do you take pleasure in delivering harsh feedback?
• How to respond to harsh criticism
• “Unsolicited Advice”
• How taking feedback has changed Trevor
• Turning feedback into action items
• Living rationally/life goals

Quotes

5:39 “My natural way of giving feedback is solely focusing on the negative things. Basically, starting from the assumption that you are probably aware of the positive components and you are probably unaware of the negative ones - otherwise you would have changed it.”

14:29 “After the feedback part, I think it’s a crucial component to listen to the receiver because [they] want to know why.”

22:09 “Just do it as objectively as possible and do it as clearly as possible, without focusing on the particular person but instead focusing on the content.”

25:45 “The caring component is there, but the strongest component is to say, ‘This is [how] I would expect others to behave towards me...’ And if I expect this for myself, I will give this to others as well.”

30:00 Express your appreciation [for harsh feedback]. It is a sign of caring. It is always going to be obvious if that feedback, even if it’s harsh, is thorough and well-thought-through... take your time and try to understand why that person is writing that thing and analyze whether the person is right or wrong... and ask questions.”

36:05 It’s going to be shameful in the beginning because “I was not good enough to do it correctly” or “I messed it up.” However, [you can] look at it from a [different] perspective - “Now I have the opportunity to do it better, rather than keep going on with the incorrect way of doing it.”

58:58 “If you base your actions and goals on things that you cannot fully convince yourself are true... then you will give up on those things. If you are critical about what you do, then it will only be reason and rationality which can guide you.”59:42 “Goals should be set based on something else that’s subjective, based on yourself and your personal desires. But how to achieve those things and how to decide what should be the next step cannot be based on anything else but reason - otherwise, you are risking potentially wasting your life.”1:02:27 “What are the typical desires and aspirations in your community and how do they compare to another community on the other side of the globe?”
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