Episode 19: Calin Saft: 8 Signs that Your Marriage Will Stand the Test of Time

Men's Journey Today

In today’s episode, I want to talk about the 8 signs that you are in the right relationship and your marriage is going to stand the test of time.

But first things first. Some people get married for the wrong reasons. Here are the most common:

1. She is pregnant. Although in some cultures this is a must, this should not be the reason to get married. The highest rate of divorce happens within the first three years of a baby being born.

2. Wanting to have children. As women get older, they usually want to get married to start a family. As their biological clock is ticking, some of them are willing to get married with the guy next to them, even if they are not sure it’s the best fit.

3. Dating or living together for a long time. In this scenario, couples feel pressured by their family and friends to get married. Studies show that getting married too soon (in less than a year since the relationship started) or getting married too late (after several years of being in the relationship) is usually a bad idea. Most of these couples end up divorced.

4. Feeling alone and settling. You are convinced that there is no one better for you out there. This is nothing more than a story that you choose to believe. It’s not true. The one you are looking for may not be necessarily in your proximity right now, but she is definitely out there and you have amazing resources this day and age to find her.
Some people ask me the if the age difference between the spouses matters. The research says that the bigger the age gap –the shorter the marriage, and that couples with a 5-year age gap are 18% more likely to divorce, 10-year age gap 39% and those with a 30-year age gap are 172% more likely to divorce (Francis & Mialon, 2014).
That being said, my partner and I have a 16-year age gap and we have been hapily married for more than 10 years.

I personally think that having a happy and fulfilled long-term relationship depends on the couple’s ability to evolve from romantic love to mature love, going through a healthy psychological differentiation process.

Unfortunately, some people remain stuck in the constant search of romantic love. They are trapped in that stage and strongly believe that true love is the same as passionate love, the initial infatuation that never lasts for long. Normally, after the first idealistic phase, love transforms into a deeper, more mature feeling. When this happens, many people give up and move on to someone else searching to find that emotional high again. They repeat the same mistakes over and over again, not being able to truly understand the real nature of true love.

Mature love is so much more than falling in love. Mature love is the foundation of a deep, spiritual partnership.

“A spiritual partnership is a partnership between equals for the purpose of spiritual growth. Spiritual partners use their delightful experiences together as well as their power struggles to learn about themselves and change themselves. This is a new way to live, a new way to create together, a new way to evolve together.” Dr. Bea Jeffrey
Okay, taking all this into account, let’s discover the 8 signs that you are in the right relationship:

1. Thinking positively about your partner. Remembering the good and not ruminating about the bad.
2. Thinking about your partner when apart.
3. Difficulty concentrating on other things when thinking about your partner. If you can easily forget about your partner during the day, you are not in love.
4. Enjoying novel and challenging activities. Doing exciting activities together strengthens the relationship.
5. Spending time together. Sharing the housework, grocery shopping, cooking and gardening together strengthens the love bond for each other.
6. Expressing affection. Express your love in a physical way is important. Kissing, touching and holding hands are essential.
7. Being sexually turned on by your partner. The sexual chemistry is present in the happily married couples who are still in love after many years. This illustrates that sex is important in successful relationships.
8. Wanting to know where your partner is at all times. For men this point is important. Men who are in love want to know where their partner is.

(O’Leary et al., 2011).

So what do you think? Are you in the right relationship? Do you experience mature love with your partner?

I would love to hear from you so whatever you think comment below and let me know. And as always, if you liked this episode, please subscribe to the Men’s Journey Today Podcast and leave a helpful review on iTunes.

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

https://www.amazon.com/Dr.-Bea-M.-Jaffrey/e/B01G64F71A/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1