#9: Introduction to the 5-Step Boundary Solution

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

In this episode, you’ll learn the basics of a boundary-setting process I created called the 5-Step Boundary Solution. The 5-Step Boundary Solution (5-SBS) is a step-by-step formula that walks you through the process of identifying, creating, and maintaining healthy and effective boundaries. Although the 5-SBS process can be useful for boundaries of all kinds, it was created and is intended for use in adult-adult relationships.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #9:

• The five steps of the 5-SBS are:
  • Knowing and Owning Your Reality
  • Identifying Your Needs & Creating Your vision
  • Identifying your Power Center
  • Creating and Implementing Your Action Plan
  • Evaluating Your Results
• To know and own your reality, you need to identify three key things: the data (what you could record with a video camera), what you perceive or think about the data, and your emotions.
• There are four options in identifying your power center. First, you have the power to change the situation. Second, you can ask for help. Third, you can make a request of another person. Finally, you may be powerless.
• If you reach step five and find that the process hasn’t worked because the person broke the agreement or didn’t follow through, you have a new situation and can begin again at step one and work through the process again.
• Get a fillable PDF download of the 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier to walk you through the 5-SBS process here.

Highlights from Episode #9:

• Vicki offers some background on how and why she created the 5-Step Boundary Solution process. [01:26]
• Concrete example to help clarify the upcoming steps. [06:29]
• The first step of the 5-SBS is Knowing and Owning Your Reality. Vicki digs into this topic using the example she outlined earlier. [08:08]
• The second step of the 5-SBS is about getting your needs met and creating a vision for what the outcome you want. In Vicki’s example, these needs might be a sense of safety, comfort, or even connection. [18:15]
• The third (and particularly important) step is Identifying Your Power Center. [24:25]
• The fourth step is Creating and Implementing Your Action Plan. Vicki outlines how this might work in the example she has been using throughout the episode. [27:08]
• The fifth and final step is Evaluating Your Results, or what happened as a result of what you did. [31:57]
• Vicki reads a passage from her book, Moving Beyond Betrayal, to elaborate on the fifth step of the 5-SBS. [37:10]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
• Pia Mellody
• List of needs from The Center for Nonviolent Communication
• Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, 3rd Edition: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships by Marshall Rosenberg