#59 - When You Get Stuck on Making a Request

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

This episode was inspired by another listener's great question on how to avoid getting stuck when you (may) need to make a request. Vicki breaks it down and gives us tips on how to be more specific in our requests and what you say when you want something to stop, or you want a change of behavior from another person. Listen in to hear Vicki’s do’s and don’ts for making requests, tools and strategies for making requests easier, and insight on when the time is right for the best outcome.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #59:

• Be specific when making a request.
• A statement of what you want can be more powerful than a direct request.
• Be mindful of when you make requests.
• Remember the other person has the right to say no.
• Demands and boundaries are not the same thing.
• Intimacy is always a higher level choice than being right.

Highlights from Episode #59:

• Welcome back to the show! Today’s episode is about what to do when you get stuck around making a request. [00:45]
• Vicki is giving examples of what behavior that you might want another person to stop doing. [02:46]
• The 5 types of boundaries. [04:15]
• Non negotiable personal boundaries. [05:35]
• Best practices for making a request and the three possible responses. [07:30]
• Can you tell someone what to do if you need them to do something else? [09:40]
• Vicki reads from her book Moving Beyond Betrayal. [11:59]
• Best practices steps of making a high level request. [14:03]
• Specific words/language to use for starting a request. [17:33]
• Try to avoid making requests when you are activated—meaning your nervous system isn't calm. [19:16]
• For a higher level of vulnerability, you may want to tell the person you're making the request to that you are very attached to the outcome of your request. [22:44]
• There is a difference between demands and boundaries. [23:45]
• Vicki gives a super-laser tool for handling when someone hurts you. [25:11]
• Consider intimacy as a higher level choice over being right. [27:24]
• Making requests gets easier with practice. [30:13]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Beyond Bitchy Podcast |Episode 2: What Good Boundaries Can Do For You & The 5 Types and 2 Functions of Boundaries.
• Pia Mellody
• The Six Intimacy Skills by Laura Doyle