#49 - Quick Tips #5: 4 Signs Your Boundaries May Be Too Harsh

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Has anyone ever told you that your boundaries are too harsh? Probably so! If they have, this is the episode for you. If you automatically believe your boundaries are too harsh, you will likely lead you down the wrong path. After all, getting pushback on boundaries is usually a sign that, at a minimum, you’re doing something different! It is possible, though, for boundaries to be over-the-top. You’ll learn four signs today that your boundaries have gone too far.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #49:

• There are times when we need to set boundaries that may be perceived as harsh. For example, if someone is (or has been) abusive, if they’re active in an addiction, or their constant communication is starting to feel like stalking or harassment, it’s appropriate to set a very hard boundary.
• The first sign that a boundary may be too harsh is when you try to set what you call a non-negotiable boundary for what is really an important relationship need.
• The second sign that a boundary is too harsh is that you continually set boundaries, but don’t follow through on the consequences you express. This is typically a sign of using boundaries for the sole purpose of controlling or manipulating another person.
• Alienating a lot of people with limits, rules, or restrictions around interacting with you is the third sign that your boundaries are too harsh.
• The fourth sign that your boundaries may be too harsh is that you consistently delay speaking your mind or setting incremental boundaries, then suddenly you set an extremely strong boundary that surprises others, and seems to come out of nowhere.

Highlights from Episode #49:

• Vicki welcomes listeners to today’s episode and talks about the possibilities of boundaries being too harsh. [00:39]
• We hear a few examples of cases in which hard boundaries are appropriate. [01:52]
• Vicki digs into the first sign that your boundaries may be too harsh. [03:54]
• The second sign that your boundaries are too harsh is that you continually set boundaries but don’t follow through. [06:48]
• Vicki talks about the third sign that your boundaries may be too harsh. [08:33]
• We learn about the fourth and final sign, which involves waiting too long to speak up. [09:46]
• If the other person draws lines that seem to come out of nowhere, try this strategy. [13:42]
• Vicki recaps the signs and solutions that she has covered in today’s episode. [15:07]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
• Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 6: What to Expect When You Set Boundaries (+ Non-Negotiable Boundaries)