#29 - 4 Ways Your Boundaries Help Those You Love

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

This episode is inspired by a blog comment. I’m often asked how to communicate boundaries in a way that doesn’t hurt or upset the other person involved, or make them unhappy. However, creating boundaries offers benefits not only for yourself, but also for your loved ones. Today, you’ll learn four ways in which this can happen.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #29:

• When you start learning about boundary work, it can be almost impossible to believe that the important people in your life would have positive feelings about (or might benefit from) your boundaries. There are at least four ways in which this can happen.
• First, setting boundaries helps your loved ones know exactly where you stand with them, and where they stand with you. Since intimacy is about knowing and being known, this leads to greater intimacy.
• Second, when you create a boundary for yourself, you’re happier (and so is everyone else!). You may be surprised to find that your loved ones are relieved instead of upset at your boundaries.
• Third, making a request of another person or setting a boundary creates solutions that reduce stress between you and the other person or people involved.
• Finally, your boundaries can help your loved ones by prompting them to change in profound ways and improve their own lives. This can be particularly true when your boundaries are related to the other person’s addiction issues.

Highlights from Episode #28:

• Vicki explains where she got the inspiration for today’s episode and shares today’s topic. [01:45]
• We hear about the first way that your boundaries can help your loved ones. [04:40]
• Making a request is often part of creating a boundary, Vicki explains. [07:38]
• Vicki describes the second way in which your boundaries can help others, and offers an example. [09:20]
• We learn about the third way that your boundaries help your loved ones. [13:00]
• The fourth way that your boundaries can help your loved ones is by prompting change. [18:01]
• Vicki provides some examples of what setting boundaries related to addiction looks like. [21:40]
• Your loved one won’t be pleased by your boundaries, but you’re taking care of yourself and creating the possibility for your loved one to get better, Vicki points out. [26:38]
• Vicki recaps the four ways that your boundaries can help your loved ones. [27:51]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
• US Bill of Rights