240121 Sermon on what marriage is (Special Sermon Series) January 21, 2024

Rev. Michael Holmen's Sermons

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Today we have begun a three week series on marriage, sexuality, and various issues that go along with these things. To do a series like this is a little unusual for us. We tend to follow the lectionary. The lectionary is a list of readings from the Bible that have been assigned for each Sunday in the Church Calendar. Pastor Bertram and I are happy to follow the lectionary. The assigned readings make sure that we hear the whole counsel of God’s Word instead of only focusing on certain favorite topics. Nevertheless, we have decided to set aside the normal readings for these three weeks so that we could focus on the topics of marriage, sexuality, etc.

To begin our look at this area of life it is good to begin with how God has created us. God made Adam and Eve in a very special way as we read about in Genesis. The way that he made Adam was by taking council within himself, deliberating within himself, gathering some earth, breathing the breath of life into Adam’s nostrils. Eve’s creation was also very special. She was not made from earth. A portion of flesh was taken from Adam. God made that rib into the woman.

None of the other creatures are described as having been created in such a way. Man and woman were created with a strong connection to God. He made them in his own image. There is also a strong connection between man and woman since the woman was taken from man. She was not created as an independent being.

When God finished making Eve, he presented her to Adam. Adam was delighted. He broke out into poetry and song, as young men are sometimes known to do. He said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.” The woman is like him, and yet not like him. The similarities and differences between him and her bring about wonder and admiration.

Here we see another important thing about how God created us. We were created to have an attraction—the male for the female, and the female for the male. God creates us with attractions and appetites. We have appetites for food and drink, for example, that are satisfied with eating and drinking. So also, a man is meant to be satisfied by being with a woman; a woman is meant to be satisfied by being with a man.

It is difficult, and a little uncomfortable, to speak about this attraction and appetite. None of us are ashamed to talk about hunger and thirst. It isn’t as easy to speak about the desire we feel for another person. This isn’t necessarily bad either. Unlike eating and drinking, what a man and woman do with each other is private. It’s supposed to be private. However, we shouldn’t be so afraid to talk about these appetites that they become taboos. We should help, especially, our children. Children eventually grow into adults. This desire awakens within them. They should not be shamed for having that God-given appetite. They need help to know that their desire can be directed in such a way that they can keep their honor.

Where their desire should be directed is toward their spouse or their future spouse. Our reading from Genesis speaks to this also. It says: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” A man is to leave his father and mother when he is ready to take a wife. The reason why he leaves his father and mother is because he is going to create a new family together with his wife. The man clings to his wife instead of clinging to his old family. The man and his wife become one flesh—they are joined together. From this one-flesh union children are created. Thus you see how God makes a new family. Husband and wife become father and mother. The new family begins with the marriage.

You see here in Genesis how God has made us—male and female he created us. He made us so that we have a desire for one another. He created marriage as the first and highest of all institutions. Family and society flow from it. Marriage is an arrangement that remains on this earth, and it will continue to remain until Christ comes. Then, as Christ teaches, the situation will be different. In the life to come we will not be married or given in marriage. We will be like the angels, Jesus says.

But our focus today is on this life. So, very practically speaking, how should a boy or a girl look at this area of their lives, and how should they look towards the future?

First of all, every boy should thank God for making him a boy, and every girl should thank God for making her a girl. The way that God has made us is wonderful, and God deserves to be praised. Praising God for making you the boy that you are or the girl that you are is important work for you to do as God’s creatures.

Later on, when boys grow into men and girls grow into women, they should be on the lookout for that person to whom they might be joined together as one flesh in holy matrimony. My advice for boys and girls is that they are never too young to pray to God for a good wife or a good husband. You parents and grandparents—you who love your children and grandchildren—should pray for good, godly spouses for them if you want what is good for them.

During the teenage and young adult years it is important to guard your body, soul, and mind from the powerful temptations to take what God has not yet given to you. If you have not yet been joined through marriage to someone, you should not pretend that you have been. Wait until God joins you together with that person.

A profound promise is asked of those being joined together. You might be familiar with this marriage vow: “I take you to be my wedded husband or wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy will; and I pledge to you my faithfulness.”

What this promise means is that you are going to forsake all others and stick with this person no matter what. That’s love! Love is not just looking out for yourself. Love is being there for the other even when it is unpleasant, painful, and no longer to your own advantage.

By having made those promises, by having been joined together, a new family is made. Within that family there is to be love, honor, service, and sacrifice. God highly approves of all of this. God loves it when a man loves his woman, and a woman loves her man. God loves it when parents love their children, and children honor their father and mother. A very good and rich life is given within this marriage and family.

Finally, we should talk about the end of the marriage. A marriage ends when death parts husband and wife. God is the one who determines the end of the marriage, just as God is supposed to be the one who determines the end of anybody’s life. If we take our own life into our own hands and end it, or if we take somebody else’s life into our own hands and end it, that’s rightly called “murder.” God doesn’t want us to do that. So also God brings about the end of a marriage by bringing about the death of one or the other spouse. This is what it means when the marriage vow says “till death us do part.” When God determines the time, he ends the marriage by bringing about the death of the husband or the wife.

Now, having described how things should go in this area of life, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were lots of questions. Some of those questions might be addressed during the next two weeks. There is not enough time for me to say much more than I already have. So I’d like to conclude with a word to those who recognize that this area of their life has not been what it should be. You haven’t done as you were supposed to do.

Remember that Jesus came to save sinners. Jesus died to set things right that have gone wrong. The work that Jesus does as Savior is not different in this area of life from the other work that we hear of him doing. Jesus went around giving sight to the blind, hearing to the deaf, mobility to the lame. Your affliction might be with your sexuality, or the sexual sins that you’ve committed, or perhaps the sins that have been committed against you.

Jesus does not wish for you to be left alone in your sadness, disappointment, or regret. Like the blind man, who could not make himself see, or the lame man who could not make himself walk, you also cannot fix yourself. You might not be able to fix yourself for the future. You certainly can’t go back and undo what has been done. You can’t make right what has gone wrong. But Jesus can. He’s the only one who can. This is the miracle of God’s blood and God’s death. That sacrifice cleanses and atones. Fully aware of your sins, therefore, Jesus says he forgives you. He teaches you. He brings light, truth and healing in this present life. He will bring perfect healing in the life to come.

Understand, therefore, that your real enemy is not Jesus, nor is it God, with his Law. You might be tempted to believe that God with his Law is your enemy, because you haven’t kept it. But your real enemy is the devil. He is a liar. He says you don’t need those outdated, prudish laws. Live however you want! Lust after whomever you want! Be the lord of your own happiness!

That’s the enemy’s message. It sounds good. There’s a reason why so many follow his advice! It sounds like it will be just what you want. But those who follow this liar’s advice soon find out that on the other side of the supposed freedom and thrills misery awaits. You can’t fight against the way God has created us to be and expect to have no consequences.

God’s message, admittedly, is very different from the liar’s message. God doesn’t say that you should do whatever would make you happy. He requires some high and difficult things. He says we need to love. He says self-control is good. Being sexually pure and decent is good. Showing honor and respect to your wife or your husband is good. Being faithful unto death is good.

These things are good whether you have actually done these things or not. Who of us is without sin in this area of life? Nevertheless, what God requires is good. I think you know that. If only we would be the way that God would have us to be in this area of life, things would be good. It’s because we haven’t been obedient that we have the troubles that we do.

So we’ve messed up. Jesus is the Savior of people who need help. Jesus is the Savior of sinners. Repent, believe in him, and be saved!