The Olde Balls Game

Majority Villain

Today’s show is dedicated to the hundreds of men, women and children killed in the November 24th attack on a Sufi mosque in Egypt’s Sinai Peninsula. As this won’t reach the front pages of many papers, let’s make an effort to lift it up as we contemplate the tragedy of any lost human, regardless of location, ethnicity or religion. Thoughts and prayers abound for those struggling for meaning today.

˜˜˜˜˜˜˜˜˜˜˜ Gloria Allred is a Women’s Rights advocate and attorney, representing clients in controversial cases, including those against Roman Polanski, Bill Cosby and Roy Moore. She’s a boss.

If you or anybody you know is a victim of sexual harassment or sexual assault, there are actions you can take. Please don’t hesitate to speak out! Visit the link in the show description at http://www.feminist.org/911/harasswhatdo.html for more information. And yes, that includes you too, guys.

While news and entertainment have taken the hot seat in recent sexual misconduct allegations, it is the service, retail, healthcare and manufacturing sectors that have the highest reporting of sexual harassment, suggesting that low-wage employees seen as dispensable suffer the highest rates of misconduct. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2017/11/24/the-industries-with-the-worst-sexual-harassment-problem/?utm_term=.577ba6a0d114\

Show image from Freaktography via Flickr under Creative Commons Licensing. Show music provided by the Free Music Archive under Creative Commons Licensing. Today’s music is by Evil Bear Boris, Martin Beaulieu, The Joy Drops and BenJamin Banger.

˜˜˜˜˜˜˜˜˜˜˜ It must feel to many that the rate of sexual accusers in Hollywood, television and radio is growing faster than we can process it as a society. Meaning that before we have a chance to realize, internalize and analyze an appropriate verdict as a population - another name hits the front page. The speed at which this is occurring feels unprecedented. Just since October’s Majority Villain episode entitled, “Thaaat’s Harvey” citing the sexual deviance and misconduct of one of Hollywood’s most infamous producers, has the list of those accused of harassment, assault and misconduct only grown to include the likes of Kevin Spacey, Louis CK, and even public radio’s Charlie Rose. The latter three seemed to encapsulate the shocking reaction of America in it’s beloved, because none of them had the M.O. of what we imagine a slimy head of an office setting to act like. Not one of them were known in their comedy, acting, or interviews to be the typecast of a predator. Nonetheless, the list of witnesses, accuser and victims is growing, and the damage is real and evermore irrevocable. These topics are not funny, because assault is not funny. However, satire does have a duty in these moments by highlighting the absurdity with which the reality we all live in, and actively interact with, is painted. In no way should we make light of the trespasses, or engage in the very shameful act of victim blaming. Quite the contrary, as we venture instead to shame those who have acted for years as if revealing your member to any other non-consenting human could ever be appropriate. It’s not. But, like it or not, we live in a society where our favorite celebrities and politicians are constantly going to lie on the culture’s chopping block as we weed out from those who will continue to live on in our hearts, those who we will drop like hot frying pans. Sweaty, molesty, handsy frying pans. Please enjoy the show.

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Announcer: Hey there folks, thanks for coming out to the game today. Whether you’re here in the ballpark, or you’re listening from home, we’re happy to have you here in sunny Delaware as we head into the 6th inning of a showdown between planet Earth’s moral certitude and the normalcy of sexual assault in America’s patriarch; The Steel Supremes against the Grody Graybeards.

If you’re just joining us, the Graybeards have been mostly unable to put a run up on the board, except that of any resounding dignity that might have been remaining. However, they were able to strike first in the second by crushing any dissidence on their multitudes of foul foul balls - I’ve truly never seen so many foul balls in all my years of baseball.

That left an uphill road for the Supremes as only 70% of their runs were accounted for in the bottom of the first three innings. (BONK) Aaaand there goes another one. Yessiree, that glass ceiling sure prevents a lot from escaping here in Creeper Stadium.

Supremes have the bases loaded, making the Graybeards look more and more uncertain from the field. Manager Donald Trump shows no signs of changing pitchers, and the bullpen appears to be sleeping. Looks like picking up pitching coach, Bill Cosby has shown few dividends for the struggling Graybeards —- AND A LINE DRIVE UP THE MIDDLE…

As Gloria Allred strikes a ding dong danger between the feet of shortstop Kevin Spacey as he stands eying the 3rd baseman, Anthony Weiner. That’s definitely going to go down as an error.

Kevin Spacey was playing the minors for a number of years, until he was finally dragged out of triple A to be a Graybeard… And a POP FLY will end the inning. The Supremes will head into the 7th inning stretch with a morally insurmountable lead.

And now, here is a message from our sponsors at NPR.

Interestingly, there was a moment in history when America’s favorite pastime tried to make a concerted effort to expose the true nature of sexism and harassment in America, by taking baseballs new single hit, “The Olde Ball Game”, and simply rebranding it, “The Olde Balls Game”. This song did not seem to resonate with the predominantly male spectators, and the song was soon replaced with the lyrics we know today. Here, in an original recording from 1931, as given to Majority Villain by New Jersey Public Radio, “The Olde Balls Game” as sung by Atlantic City’s own Rex Ferguson:

7th Inning Stretch The Old Balls Game

Take me outta the cat call games, Take me outta them men crowds

I’ll buy me a whistle and an ad-vo-cate, I don’t care if they never bounce back!

For it’s boot, shoot, uproot those grabby bastards, If they acquit it’s a shame!

Cos it’s 1, 1, 1 strike you’re done, At the Olde Balls Game!

Consent to play ball!

Announcer: Thanks for that fantastic piece of New Jersey history brought to you by Majority Villain’s Finer Moments, a collection of historical newsreels from the nation’s finest hour.

Here we are, back in Creeper Stadium where left fielder Louis CK has utilized a trick play of his own; and the catcher has dropped the ball on strike three just as Mr. CK has removed his penis from his trousers. As everybody averts their eyes, CK safely makes his way to not just first base but second base too. Truly inconceivable baseball.

I gotta say, it’s unbelievable to me that play still gets guys to second base, as the umpire is nowhere to be seen.

And BAM - another smackaroo from the Senate Candidate Roy Moore right up the first base line - a real clutch hit as the Alabama Graybeard gets his hands all over that one. Trump is ecstatic in the dugout even telling Minnesota Al Franken to get away from the On Deck circle, even though the Senator has his own history of playing grab ball.

But there’s a problem at third base! 6 runners unable to turn the corner as we’ve got a real back between second and third. 5 separate runners, all terrified to walk by Allred, as she looks to literally eat any one of the terrified men. Louis CK, looking to pull off another trick play talking "I’m sorry”, comes out leading the pack, hoping to get a step closer to home base, but the Supremes aren’t having it!

An angry mob of mostly women have rushed the field and are literally consuming the men alive! Lord knows in all my years of announcing the greatest game on Earth, I have never seen anything like this. And there will be no golden gates for Louis CK, with or without the apology.

Another heartbreaking development for the Grody Graybeards as the Steel Supremes rise up again to devour the home team here at Creeper stadium. Surely a rain delay will need to be called as maintenance team are already rushing the field to deal with the massive amounts of blood outpouring.

From Delaware’s Creeper Stadium, this is Teddy McGimlets, and this is baseball today.

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Now, this should not be something I or anybody should ever have to say, but “NO” means abso-fucking-lutely “NO”. Consent is king. Or queen. Or maybe we need to rethink even the language we use as a society to articulate the issues facing us. Some see the assault on vocabulary as a politically correct affront to the America that we’ve all grown to know and love (Donald Trump - locker room talk). Others see it as common sense - realizing long ago that the language we use reifies, as much as it describes, the social norms and practices we have come to love, know and expect. For example, consider the thought that strong women in family households are often labeled the old ball and chain, battleaxe, the one who wears the pants, or more bluntly and far-less creative: the bitch. Confer those labels that most of us have at one time or another said, thought or heard to those of men in households: the breadwinner, man of the house, king. Seriously, make a list someday and shock even yourself of the degree of absurdity we have in labeling women as sluts, whores, nags or bitches and men having ridiculously regal titles like pimp, pimpalicious, pimpadocious, and pimpbuktu. Sure, it’s funny. But is it really?

Why is a man “assertive” in the workplace while a woman is “bossy”? Why is a man “informed” on workplace ongoings, and a woman is a “gossip”? The truth is over 90% of us hear these types of terms regularly in the workplace or home, and yet we do nothing. We say nothing. We treat it like nothing. Maybe that’s because to many of us it is nothing. But to the women, some men, and large swaths of communities of LGBTQ - it is everything. Be an ally, not a co-conspirator. Be a hero, not a pussy. Oh look, I did it again. Let’s see… Be a hero, not a limp dick. There. That’s better.

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