#2: Menopause Real Lives with Wendy Calver

Simply Hormones Podcast

Hello, It's Kathryn Colas, here from http://www.simplyhormones.com and I'm here today talking to Wendy about her experience of Menopause. Click on Recording and see transcript below…

KC: Hello Wendy, How are you?

Wendy: Hello, Kathryn I'm very well, thank you

KC: That's good. Can I ask you, from your experience of menopause, what your age is now?

Wendy: 55 now

KC: You're 55. And do you know what stage of menopause you're at?

Wendy: Two years post-menopause

KC: OK. So that really fits into the national average of between 51 and 54, really, doesn't it. Can you remember what age you were when you started to experience symptoms?

Wendy: I was about 45. I started to miss periods. I was quite fuzzy headed, un-confident, not myself.

KC: No and I think that not a lot of women recognise those symptoms as potentially being the start of ‘the change' as it were, do they?

Wendy: No. I don't think they do

KC: No, because, like you, I experienced those same symptoms and didn't really understand what on earth was going on. So, as you went on, what sort of symptoms did you start to experience?

Wendy: Well, missed periods, fuzzy headedness, really not being very confident about myself; feeling not right; I was quite depressed, didn't understand what was happening, really. I thought it was possibly menopause because both my mother and sister had gone through this at 45.

KC: And I think, also, a lot of women don't realise that depression seems to be a natural process of menopause. I know from my own research that depression is four times higher for women going through menopause than it is for the national average and, again, the same thing happened to me, so we're not alone on that, are we?

Wendy: No we're not, definitely.

KC: Did you use any kind of supplements or hormones supplements to try and help with, to reduce any of those debilitating symptoms?

Wendy: Yes. I tried some Progesterone cream which I applied, which didn't help.

KC: It did help or it didn't?

Wendy: No it didn't

KC: Did you get it off the internet or from a therapist or something?

Wendy: It was from a health food shop, I found a leaflet and I got the cream from there.

KC: It didn't really help very much then? Did you try anything else?

Wendy: No. Not at that time. I just coped with it really.

KC: Yes, as we do…

Wendy: Yeah, that's right. And I spoke to some ladies, menopausal ladies who gave me various ideas about phytoestrogens, the evening primrose oil. I thought the evening primrose oil was very good for the flushes but it didn't really make me feel any better, generally.

KC: I think that's why some women go into these health food shops, as I did and end up with a basked full of goodies, not really understanding how much to take, when to take it, how it's going to benefit us.

Wendy: And it's pretty expensive as well.

KC: It is, yes, very expensive. Can you tell me did you go onto HRT or anything like that?

Wendy: Yeah, I originally asked my doctor for HRT but she wasn't happy about giving it to me, then a few years later, my hair started falling out and I was really getting distressed so I went to the doctor again and I told her what was happening to me and then she did give me HRT patches and now, my hair is thinner, it's never come back completely but it's far better than it was. And it basically gave me my life back, the HRT, made me feel a lot better.

KC: I think HRT has had a lot of bad press because it seems that it can contribute to the incidence of breast cancer but it seems to me that, again, having read the research, the risk is all relative, it's a very small risk and it's all down to your own history because cancer doesn't start overnight, of course and it takes several years for those cancer cells to grow and grow and grow and cause serious problems. So I think HRT in my view, I don't know if you agree with me, is a definite choice for women when they've got serious debilitating symptoms when they don't know how to resolve any of them.

Wendy: Absolutely. I used to be quite against HRT, listening to the media but for me it was a definite choice. It was a choice between life or death, I was really going to chuck myself off Beachy Head, I was so depressed and the anti-depressants weren't working.

KC: Dear, oh, dear. That's not good. Yes, you were on a hiding to nothing, in a way, aren't you.

Wendy: Um. And I think, women that I've spoken to have felt like that.

KC: Yes, I know from my own self, when I was feeling depressed, I felt as if I was in a box and all the walls were grey and there were no doors or windows. But strangely, I felt comfortable in that place. I suppose it was some kind of comfort zone and it meant that I didn't have to relate with the outside world. Could you relate to that?

Wendy: Not a box, it was just a different place that I was in and I used to cry a lot. I just felt so bad.

KC: Yes, I can relate to that and you don't know why you're crying, you just have this urge to weep, don't you.

Wendy: That's right.

KC: And how are you feeling now?

Wendy: Yeah, I feel a lot better now. I can get on with my life.

KC: Are you still on HRT?

Wendy: I am still using it, yes.

KC: And how long have you been on it?

Wendy: Nearly two years

KC: So do you think you might come off it gradually in the not too distant future or are you happy to run along with it while it's helping you feel good?

Wendy: Yes, I'm happy to run along with it because I know that when I come off it, it could all start again

KC: Yes. I think what happens is that it's like going ‘cold turkey' and you can wean yourself off but it's a very, very slow process and I think some women perhaps go at it too quickly and so all the symptoms seem to come back. But your body does carry on its natural ageing process, so we're not, HRT is not holding that up at all. It's just like coming off any serious drugs, I suppose, and it can give you these strange feelings back again. But as long as the doctor is (monitoring) doing all the things that doctors do, you know, blood pressure and everything else and you feel happy on it, then it does seem that there are a lot of quite elderly women out there in the community that are still on HRT. I've heard of women in their 70's still take it. Would you feel that you just want to keep going if it makes you feel good?

Wendy: Yeah. I can't really see myself coming off it unless I find something just as good.

KC: Yes, yes. OK. So what would you say to other women, knowing that you've gone through what you've gone through, all the different symptoms; do you feel that if perhaps women were better informed earlier in their forties, say, that they might be able to, not necessarily prevent, because that's not always possible, but reduce the disabling symptoms that they can experience. What would you say about that?

Wendy: I think it's always a good idea to see your doctor and get a blood test to find out if your menopausing, or whether there is some other reason for the way you are feeling and, unfortunately for me, you weren't around at that time…

KC: Ha ha, ha ha, yes, thank you

Wendy: With your wonderful website, so I would advise women to thoroughly explore www.simplyhormones.com as there is an abundance of information on there for them.

KC: Thank you, Wendy. That's the reason, of course, why I started the website, because, like you I went through some really awful symptoms for a period of at least ten years and I just couldn't understand it and I just feel this was the right thing for me to do at that time, to find out about things and help to inform people and it is one of the best jobs I've ever had, for me.

So what do you think about the future, Wendy, with other women coming along, moving into their 40's, etc. Would you recommend that they started to find out more about what's going on with their health?

Wendy: They certainly need to. There's information on the television, on the radio, your website, in magazines. They really need to think ‘it's not going to happen to me' because, believe me it is and when it comes, it's not very pleasant. They do definitely need to be more informed and of course there are people like you out there.

KC: Yes, that's right and when you realise that there are probably twelve and a half million women going through menopause at the moment (in the UK) and 75% of them are experiencing debilitating symptoms, makes you wonder why something big hasn't been done about this from the NHS or from anybody who has a lot of clout. I mean there's only little me, doing my little bit but it really needs a lot of work on it to get it out there, doesn't it?

Wendy: Well with the NHS it's the usual thing about money, the lack of money, yes, thank God for you, Kathryn, that's all I can say.

KC: ha, ha, ha, ha

Wendy: Ha, ha, it's how women feel.

KC: Well, that's a super enlightenment from you, Wendy. I think it's always so worthwhile for other women to hear how their sisters have coped with different symptoms and it's always comforting, even though those symptoms might not be very nice, it's comforting to know that we're sharing those symptoms and trying to understand them a bit better, so that's brilliant.

Wendy: I would also like to say, Kathryn that even if they're past their menopause, even if they're in their 70's, it's never too late, to look at your website and find out some hints and tips to find out how to carry on being a woman.

KC: Yes, that's right, because all sorts of things come up, don't they and we need to, erm. I know I went through the process of getting my colours done and, you know, there may be cosmetic surgery, or something which I know you specialise in and that all helps women, gives them so many more choices to make them feel better about themselves and raise that confidence level and self-esteem which we all seem to fall down with as we go through, menopause, don't we.

Wendy: Yes, that's right and a lot of women don't realise that we get a lot of bladder infections as we get older because our vagina's shrink, our skin goes prune like. You can't be a sissy and get old, you know.

KC: No, that's right. That sounds awful, doesn't it?

Wendy: They still need information when they are older.

KC: They do. Yes and they don't get the time in the doctor's surgery, unfortunately, so it's got to come from places like my website, magazines, radio programmes and until we reach that, I suppose, critical mass, where the information's going to be out there and relayed in a much better way than it is at the moment. Excellent! Ok then, Wendy. Thank you very much for sharing your information with us and I'll say goodbye to you for the moment. Thanks, Wendy, bye bye.

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Like many women of a certain age, Wendy Calver, a fully qualified nurse specialist, changed career and set up her own business helping women to feel good about themselves; specialising in the very delicate field of cosmetic surgery and cosmetic tattooing (nipple tattooing following breast cancer surgery and even scar reduction from any surgery) as well as the specialist semi-permanent make-up that she does. See her website for full information: www.cosmeticsophistication.com.

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