Episode 142: House of the Dead

The Undead Symphony

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It could have been so good. Take a movie director, give them a computer game franchise movie and say go for it. The problem is they chose Uwe Boll a man who has spent his career making utter crap. Bloodrayne, Alone in the Dark and this House of the Dead (2003), three games turned into movies that really didn't work. Sure, computer game movies don't work, certainly not with him at the helm.
He also gave us zombie movies Apocalypse Z, the diabolical Anger of the Dead (rape and sex slaves), Beautiful people (rape), Zombie Massacre 2 Reich of the Dead (haven't seen it but can guess the women will be topless and at some point raped), making me think Uwe Boll should just stop. Uwe Boll the director who VideoHound's "Golden Movie Retriever" described as a "cinematic train wreck".
This movie is so bad I think the $1.8M it made more than its cost was purely fans of the arcade game, fans who would be very disappointed within the opening moments. It was so panned that as Snyder made Dawn of the Dead, the studios wondered if the public had lost interest in zombie movies. No, we just hated this one. In fact his average is just above 3. And this is being generous.
| Anger of the Dead | 4.5
| Dead House/Beautiful People | 3
| House of the Dead | 2
My thoughts?

"House of the Dead" is an abomination of filmmaking, a festering sore on the landscape of cinema. From its wooden acting to its laughable dialogue, every moment is a testament to incompetence. The plot, if one dares call it that, is a haphazard mess of disjointed scenes stitched together with all the grace of a drunken surgeon. Special effects resemble a middle schooler's first foray into CGI, and the direction is as lost as a blindfolded toddler in a labyrinth. This cinematic catastrophe serves as a warning beacon, signaling the dire consequences of relinquishing artistic integrity for a quick cash grab.

2/10 and you should be thankful for that too