Season 1, Episode 63: YOU ONLY LIKE ME FOR MY ALMONDS

The Hate Napkin

EPISODE 63 SYNOPSIS

YOU ONLY LIKE ME FOR MY ALMONDS

Co-host Arik asks Team THN, “What exactly does it mean when a dude gets his manhood cut off?”

Sound engineer Pauly from Bali: “When a woman gets a job instead of a man, or when a woman gets paid the same as a man.”

“Hmm,” says special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, who reaches for a machete and proceeds to cut off Pauly’s manhood.

The news is hard to swallow, but Pauly cannot stand almond milk. Almonds aren’t mammals. Almonds don’t have teats. And, most importantly, you cannot motorboat an almond. (Also, the creation of almond milk is bad for the environment. And we feel especially bad for the migrant workers who have to squeeze the damn tiny things all day long.)

Meanwhile, Arik despises dumb-themed T-shirts. A cartoon avocado defecating guacamole is not silk screen worthy. A Slim Jim T-shirt, on the other hand, is cool. “Truth is, we need a Judge Dredd for dumb T-shirts. Anyone wearing a ‘World’s Best Dad’ shirt should just be cut down right in front of his children.”

Next, the hate ball bounces from the games women play when you’re courting them to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. (DIAL 988 in a dumb T-shirt crisis, folks!)

Finally, Pauly is sick and tired of hearing everywhere you turn: DOWNLOAD OUR APP! Recently lost your manhood? DOWNLOAD OUR APP! Wanna buy a stupid T-shirt? DOWNLOAD OUR APP? About to kill yourself? DOWNLOAD OUR APP!

Leave a voicemail of something you hate:

https://anchor.fm/thehatenapkin/message

Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thehatenapkin/support

See all episodes: www.thehatenapkin.com/category/episodes/

--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thehatenapkin/support