Retrograde

Silver Screen Cesspool

Ep 30 - Retrograde (2004)

"In the past... Lies our future"
"Dolphy is being sent two hundred years in the past to prevent space bacteria from being unfrozen in Antarctica. Hey, wait a minute that’s this year. I’m sure that’s just a co-winky dink. It’s fine. It’ll be fine. With him is about a half dozen other people who are genetically superior, don’t worry one of them is a black woman, to make sure we don’t mistake them for nazis. It’s not like Dolph is short for Adolph or anything. Suddenly, all the future people wearing all-black motorcycle leathers mutiny on the half wearing black and red motorcycle racing leathers. A shootout ensues and soon everyone on Dolph’s side is dead, but he bravely fights his way into the cockpit. Heh, cockpit. There he shoots someone dead, and there’s a pool of blood under the dead body. I don’t mean he bleeds out. I mean in a fraction of a second a large human-sized pool of blood there, It’s fine though. Having borrowed the CGI software from the folks who made the Scorpion King, the spaceship, and … well … all of outer space leaves a lot to be desired. "

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Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!

Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo

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1. Retrograde (00:00:00)