Focus on Yourself

For Better Or Best Podcast

Focusing on yourself is tough to do with a spouse and kids, but this week the Kuykendolls unpack what that means for them. Shireen and Charles discuss whats coming up on their schedules; bachelorette and influencer trips, mixing work/play. Before the kids, Shireen was active and outside! So much so that Charles was known as "Shireen's boyfriend"(0:20-4:16). Shireen and Charles' relationship was long distance for 3 years, so balancing time with each other and friends was tough. They both respect each other's friendships because they were friends first. Being a host/event curator, Charles has a ton of platonic female friends. "Everyone gets 'beloved', and I get Charles" - Shireen. She has never told him he can't hang out with anyone. Charles makes sure Shireen is included in the friendship building so that she's more comfortable (7:30-12:30). Their marriage is reinforced by consistency and trust. Both have become great at nurturing their individual friendships and the ones closest to them are ingrained in the marriage. Charles is proud of his family, so no one could ever be close to him and not be close to Shireen, and vice versa (13:10-18:00). There was a guy in Chicago at an event Charles was hosting, that bought Shireen a drink. Charles says its ok to socialize without throwing your wedding band in someone's face. Shireen let him know she was married and he clarified he was interested in attending Charles' next event so they exchanged info. When he started texting her about random things and not the ticket link, Shireen stopped responding and shared what was going on with Charles. They both believe in friendships with the opposite sex, so transparency has never been an issue. Charles made a joke about the guy, calling him 'entanglement bae'. Most couples aren't mature or hnest enough to have these types of convos (18:30-25:00). Because they're so close, neither wants to be outside without the other. LA is a social scene, Shireen tries to avoid if it isn't their core friend group. They discuss a curfew, and how its different in each city (LA closes at 2am, NYC at 4am). Charles is a light sleeper and can't fully fall asleep until Shireen gets home. When Charles is out in LA, a 2:30 text is requested so Shireen doesn't jump to worst case scenario. When you're Black in America and don't come home when expected, its scary. To minimize confusion and prioritize safety, they share locations with each other(28:50-37:20). When it comes to individual friends vs mutual friends, its touchy. Shireen knows that friends always will pick their partner over their friends, so they try to stand in solidarity. Shireen knows that he has friends whose loyalty will always be to Charles and she's ok with that. Sharing friends on the west coast didn't feel good to Shireen at first because they would treat her differently. Shireen talks about how intenional Bridget was about being her friend and affirmed that it was ok to develop friendships separate from Charles. They've figured out what works for them, its trial and error, but keep the peace in your home first(39:00-48:48). Nurture the relationships that support and uplift you and your partner.