Ep112 Childhood Triggers Controlling Us: Onno Koelman

Manage Self, Lead Others: Emotional Intelligence and Leadership for Managers

"Your psychological immune system is trying to keep you safe; is looking and scanning for threats, and when it finds a threat, it doesn't mobilize T-cells; it doesn't mobilize biology, it mobilizes your action. Let's say, my parents fought a lot; it got intense sometimes. As a kid I realized conflict is bad, and I just don't want to do conflict.

''If conflict happens, I can crack a joke. I can roll over, I can be submissive, I can run away. Now I'm starting to build this paradigm similar to the immune system; whenever a conflict happens, I can do XYZ, but I'm not allowed to do ABC."

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TALKING POINTS

(12:50) Where do emotions come from? Years ago Onno was taught a helpful, simplified framework for how the way we interact with and perceive the world influences our emotional state (and from there, how we react/respond to the world). Getting a handle on how we're creating our own emotions is more helpful than being at the whim of others, or the environment. As long as you're not deathly afraid of snakes 🐍 you'll enjoy this part of the conversation.

(18:20) Emotions are contagious. And guess whose emotions are MOST contagious? You guessed it - the Leader's. This is why it's so important

(22:35) We all have a physical immune system, which gets tailored and learns and adapts to our life circumstances. It's a helpful analogy (by Kegan and Lahey) to think we also have a "Psychological" Immune System getting equally tailored depending on life experiences. Once in place, it allows and disallows certain behaviors. Which is great. . . unless your role requires you to step into some previously "off limits" behaviors.

(31:20) Host, Nina Sunday, shares a formative experience of her own.

(33:20) Practical next steps. Onno shares one idea for a simple next step you can take to get more clear on how your immune system is acting up, and how you can become more of the leader in your life; more conscious, more effective less reactive.

Connect with Onno Koelman

https://www.dynamicleaderdev.com/

Find out more about a workshop in November 2023: ''Paradigm Shift'', led by Onno Koelman and Dan Silberberg.

Free Leadership Circle self-assessment online HERE:

https://leadershipcircle.com/leadership-assessment-tools/leadership-circle-profile/

When you have your results, forward report to Onno and schedule a time to debrief it with you.

Connect with podcast host, Nina Sunday:

All Nina Sunday sites: https://linktr.ee/ninasunday

Websites:

https://www.brainpowertraining.com.au

https://www.ninasunday.com/

Podcast videos on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/@manageselfleadotherspodcast?sub_confirmation=1

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ninasunday/

Message Nina, tell her what you like about the show; recommend a possible guest.

Podcast on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?...

Edited by Zane Woollett

Work Cited: Immunity to Change: How to Overcome It and Unlock the Potential in Yourself and Your Organization (Leadership for the Common Good), by Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey

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