#45 - High-Conflict Divorce Coach: How to Fight Legal Abuse & Coercive Control | Lisa Johnson

Jeffrey van Leeuwen Podcast

Is family court protecting you or enabling abuse? In this episode, high-conflict divorce coach Lisa Johnson of Been There Got Out breaks down how “legal abuse” and coercive control play out in real cases, and why smart strategy (and not just righteousness) wins in court. Drawing from her own litigation (including arguing an appeal herself that resulted in a published decision in the Connecticut Law Journal), Lisa shows how to navigate a system that often rewards gamesmanship over truth.

We talk about:

1. What legal abuse and “legal gaslighting” look like day-to-day—and how to keep your footing when the other side twists facts.
2. The discipline of “writing for the invisible audience”: turning every message into admissible evidence, building a clean paper trail, and avoiding reactive traps.
3. Going pro se: when it’s viable, preparation pitfalls, and how courts actually perceive self-represented litigants.
4. Enforcement that works: why “orders with teeth” (deadlines and consequences) matter more than ideal rulings—and how to push for them.
5. Jennifer’s Law and the shift toward recognizing coercive control, expanding the legal lens beyond physical violence.
6. A hard-earned case study: college-education obligations, repeated contempt findings, and the grind of appeals—plus the practical mindset that gets results without losing yourself.

If you’re facing a high-conflict ex, custody battles, or a court process that feels endless, Lisa’s playbook offers clarity, language, and leverage you can use immediately.

Thank you for listening.

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OUTLINE:

00:00 Introduction

01:33 Lisa's Background

04:14 Early Red Flags

06:42 The Discovery and Denial

11:03 Telling the Kids

12:31 Betrayal Trauma & Identity Shock

20:15 Couples Counseling Gone Wrong

25:39 Why He Fought to Keep Control

33:14 Filing for Divorce & His Exit

41:23 Fighting for College Support & Enforcement

50:38 Going Pro Se & Facing Retaliation

57:32 How to Persuade a Court: Logos, Pathos, Ethos

1:10:05 Legal Gaslighting & Getting Help

1:16:21 Strategic Communication: Build Your Paper Trail

1:20:02 Proving You’re a Good Parent

1:24:44 Shielding Kids From Court Conflict

1:27:18 Jennifer’s Law, Coercive Control & Orders With Teeth

1:35:43 From Survivor to Coach

1:45:02 Key Advice for Listeners

1:47:00 Final Thoughts & Outro

LISA JOHNSON LINKS:

Been There Got Out Website

Been There Got Out on Instagram

Been There Got Out on X

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This episode has been co-produced by Kate van Leeuwen.