Is it possible to bring your true authentic self to work?

Inclusivity Included: Powerful personal stories

In this episode, we consider how to be our authentic selves in the workplace. Joining Clare Sutton, Reed Smith’s EMEA DEI coordinator and Multicultural Network (MCN) co-chair, are three of the MCN’s esteemed members: Dashni Khimji, Saiya Guo and Arlington Todman. The team delves into shared experiences and insights on being your true self while remaining professional at work.

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Transcript:

Intro: Welcome to the Reed Smith podcast, Inclusivity Included, Powerful Personal Stories. In each episode of this podcast, our guests will share their personal stories, passions and challenges, past and present, all with the goal of bringing people together and learning more about others. You might be surprised by what we all have in common, inclusivity included.

Clare: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Inclusivity Included. My name is Clare Sutton, and I am DEI coordinator for EMEA. I also co-chair ReadSmith's Multicultural Network. Today we have a very special episode discussing authenticity and being your authentic self in the workplace. I'm really excited to be joined by three MCN colleagues, Dashni Khimji, an associate in our real estate group, Saiya Guo, an associate in our global corporate group, and Arlington Todman, a desktop support specialist in our IT team. So thank you to everyone for joining me today. I'd like to ask you one by one to share a little bit about yourselves and your background, starting with Dashni please.

Dashni: Hi Clare thanks for having me as always. I joined Reed Smith back in 2015 as a paralegal. I think it was in the real estate group. It feels like it was such a long time ago now and I've since actually qualified into the group. It's definitely been a bit of a journey for me and so I'm actually looking forward to having some real and raw discussions questions on authenticity.

Clare: Okay, and Arlington?

Arlington: Good morning, everyone. Morning, Clare. Thanks for having me as well. I'm in IT. I've joined Reed Smith in 2023. I love it here. I've been doing computer for 35 years, and I just like the chance to, you know, share some of my technical knowledge with the staff and the people and everyone listening.

Clare: Thank you, Arlington. And Saiya.

Saiya: Hi everybody, I'm Saiya. I'm originally from New Zealand and I joined Reed Smith around the end of ’22, start of ’23, so it's been about 18 months now.

Clare: Brilliant, thank you all for sharing. So let's get started. So we often show the more professional side of our personalities, a more polished version of ourselves. Instead of bringing our whole selves to work, we bring a different version. So Arlington, what does it mean to you to bring your true self to work?

Arlington: Well, it means to be able to, when I come to work, to speak to my colleagues as the same way I would speak to my family in a nice manner. Sometimes, you know, we get upset, but I let that, I try to let that fly. And what I do is I take the instances that I have with the team members here and the users and I actually just try to make it work and seem like it's friendly, common, and normal. As far as my original self, I try to be soft-spoken, don't get too angry, and I just let it flow.

Clare: Thank you. And Saiya?

Saiya: I think it means when you think about bringing your true self to work, it means that you're not putting on a different persona or that you don't feel like you need to be an entirely different person for work. I think you can just feel a bit more relaxed that you can feel yourself when you're at work.

Dashni: Yeah, I sort of echo that as well. So to me, bringing your true self to work, you know, it goes beyond just trying to be your best in a professional environment. It's all about staying true to who you are and openly sharing all of your strengths and that that's what makes you who you are but I think a huge part of bringing your true self to work requires a lot of self-discovery and accepting who you actually are as a person so I echo what's already been said by Saiya and Arlington so if you're not bringing your true self to work you're almost masking who you are which can lead to a lot of confusion and wasted energy so I think bringing your true self to work provides a means to really succeed. It allows you to reach your true potential and feel safe enough to really be challenged. And I guess bouncing off from that, Clare, I actually have a question for you. What do you feel are the benefits of bringing your whole self to work and why does that matter?

Clare: Oh, great question, Dashni. Thank you. So for me, there are several benefits to being your authentic self, especially in the workplace. place. And I'll just run through the top six that kind of work for me. So trust and respect. And that's like trusting the judgments and the decisions that you make, because that means others will trust and respect you in return because you're standing by your actual values and your beliefs. Integrity is another big one you know just doing the right thing um so you never have to second guess yourself then the ability to deal with problems is uh having the strength and the openness to deal with issues quickly instead of procrastinating you know i kind of find that once i start doing that i don't actually focus on what it is that i want to say or you know how i want to project myself realizing your potential is another big one so for me that's trusting yourself and doing what you know is right instead of letting others dictate what's best for you having confidence and self-esteem which means that you can trust yourself to make the right decisions when you're being genuine and doing the right thing which in turn leads on to a higher self-confidence and higher self-esteem and then lastly just having less stress. Just imagine the happiness and the self-respect you'd feel every day if you said what you meant and stay true to yourself being authentic to yourself is a lot less stressful than being someone you're not. And that kind of leads me me back to what you guys were saying previously so for me bringing my true self to work means leveraging my unique perspectives and experiences for my personal and professional growth. It's about being brave enough to be yourself and align who I am and by that I mean my personality my values and my emotions what I do my competencies and what I do well and then what I project so how I show myself to others that's very very important to me and I don't think that means that you have have to give everyone you know. Your personal details your family life you know what you do every weekend but. I do think it means that you behave in the same way as. You do at home so you don't create a different persona when you're in the office you should always be the same in the office as you are at home. So authenticity to me means being genuine and real but in the workplace we often feel like we have to hide our true selves or we tell ourselves that we need to act a certain way or say things to colleagues so that we fit in, even if it goes against how we actually do feel. So being someone that you're not is effectively telling yourself that who you really are isn't okay, which can make us feel lonely or disconnected from others.

Dashni: Yeah, just to weigh in there. I think I read recently about this concept of masking. So many people put on this mask at work, don't they? And they try and put on this persona of an acceptable character. And it's mostly to just try and fit in. and I remember during my training contract and actually you know shortly after when I qualified, I felt as though I couldn't be myself if I wanted to succeed in this legal world so this this actually took a huge toll on me where I actually became quite reserved I was constantly comparing myself to others and I felt this great deal of anxiety and actually in turn this actually halted my performance at work and it became a barrier. And it was actually a barrier that I created myself. So I think you know when it comes to being your authentic self it's all about self discovery you know that that's a huge thing we're all constantly learning and constantly working out how to unmask but when I discovered who I was and I started putting all of my energy into that instead I ended up you know bringing my true self to work and it almost felt like a great deal of relief. I became slightly more confident and more accepting of feedback and I started to really to excel in my role.

Saiya: No, I think it's true. And I think it goes to that concept of kind of the amount of energy that you would put into masking and also what Clare said about less stress. And I think unless you actually see the difference between when you're doing it and when you're not, you don't realize how much energy that you've actually put into doing it and how much that energy can be used into other things.

Arlington: And going off of what Saiya said, it's the amount of energy that you dedicate to trying to mask and pretend to be someone for everyone else, when in turn, you're not being true to yourself. You're not being authentic. And that, to me, that's difficult. But I try to do my best to be authentic in many given situations.

Clare: Have you kind of come across any situations where you were made to maybe change your natural authenticity and and how did you actually deal with that on the spot? Because sometimes something could come up and you may not actually realize that it's happened and then you walk away and suddenly think oh hold on a minute I've actually changed who I am just to be that other person. Have you ever had any kind of situations like that and what did you do to kind of get past it? How did it make you feel?

Arlington: Well, I have a technician in my office and he's actually been here 25 years. And some of the things that he instructs me about, it sort of gets under my skin because of the way he speaks to people. And whenever I have any interaction with him, I find myself just being absolutely quiet, listening to his instructions and just doing things, whatever he tells me. And I got home this weekend. And I said to myself, wow, whenever I get around him, I just automatically shut down, listen to what he says, do it. And I said, no. So when I changed, I just started listening to him, responding to him, conversing with him. And now all this week, I find myself doing everything that he had suggested that I do, even when he's not around. And I find myself in a better spot for my work that I do. And it's thanks to him a little bit. So I've learned to take his suggestions with ease as opposed to being rubbed the wrong way when he speaks to me and thereby acting a certain way instead of just being my natural self. And it's actually, like I said, it's benefited me a lot. And I have him to thank for that.

Clare: Saiya, did you have any comments?

Saiya: Yes, I think in terms of kind of situations, I suppose it's not so much a specific situation that I'm kind of thinking about. But I think it's a general tendency, right, that if you're, let's say if you're in a group and you happen to be the odd one out or everybody else in the group is, you know, just from, you know, whatever common factor there is in a certain group, I think there's a natural tendency to try to adapt, to try to fit in. And sometimes you don't realize you're doing it consciously. It's almost unconscious. But then something might jolt you out a bit and you realize, hold on, I've actually gradually and gradually just moved so far towards fitting in that I've actually lost track of actually this is not really who I am or I'm more than this aspect of my personality that I show in this group. And you realize you've kind of drifted away from what was in your whole self.

Dashni: Yeah. Yeah, and quite similar, you know, so when I was a paralegal, it's almost like you have this vision of what it's like to be a lawyer. And what you're trying to do is fit into this vision rather than bring your true self. And I think I struggled with that quite a lot, where it was like, it's such a traditional industry, isn't it, where you have to behave and act in a certain way. And that's what the clients expect. And that's almost what's expected of you in the workplace afterwards. And I think it is going back onto that whole concept of unmasking. It's about, you know, believing in who you are, your core values and trying to adjust them to the legal industry and also who the audience is. So, yeah, those are my thoughts on that.

Clare: You're also right. It's so difficult trying to navigate that and, you know, not lose your cool, I guess, but still be happy with the way that you're acting, what you're saying. It's a difficult process a difficult juggling act so i completely agree with what you've all said um so i guess what we're all saying is authenticity at work is facilitated when we share core values with our colleagues you know the more that we embrace our true self is the more our peers will do the same which can create a positive work environment. It's not morally or ethically important but it's practical strategic because it leads to better relationships increased innovation, and more robust and thriving workspaces and communities. So I'd just like to share a quote with you all from Dr. Brené Brown, who is a research professor at the University of Houston. And she states, authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are. I believe that authenticity can mean different things to different people. But in general, it refers to the ability to live by our values speaking our truth with assertiveness and developing the courage to allow our true selves to be seen. How do you think people can foster a more authentic and inclusive environment of work? And I'll direct that one to Dashni first.

Dashni: Thanks Clare, for me I think the key lies in really knowing who you are and I you know I've echoed that elsewhere it's almost a journey of self-discovery um which isn't an easy one for anyone really. I guess you must really know who you are. You must learn your own strengths and weaknesses and work out where you actually add value. In a way, it's all about integrating your genuine self with the role that you play at work to create this harmonious and productive environment where you're really able to excel.

Clare: And Arlington, do you have any thoughts?

Arlington: Well, being my authentic self at work, again, I'm in IT. So to me, it's difficult because I don't socialize with a lot of people here at work. We just get up to deal with machines and everything else. So I guess being my authentic self, I just love being able to fix the machines and just chat whenever I can with attorneys, paralegals, and other staff members and try to be realistic as opposed to trying to be someone that I'm not.

Clare: And Saiya?

Saiya: I think it's helped to have lots of role models at work and in the workplace so that you can see that there are different ways of being your authentic self or there are different ways to practice law, to be a leader, all those different kind of things. And I think it's helpful to be able to see that and realize, no, you don't have to mold yourself in one certain way.

Dashni: And I think what I actually quite like now is how diverse most law firms are now becoming. So when you look at a law firm page, you're now seeing all of these faces, faces that look like you, which, you know, 10 to 15 years ago, you didn't usually see. So I kind of echo the role model concept. I think it really helps.

Clare: Yeah, I think business inclusion groups can be very important as well to help you be more authentic. You know, especially if you've got one that, as we all know, if you offer food, everyone's happy. Everyone gets involved.

Dashni: Was that aimed at me?

Clare: Ah slightly you know everyone has fun and it allows you to be more open and honest with the people around you which you know then in turn you know people see that when you're acting like yourself more they probably get to understand you a bit more because you're more open to speaking you know about your backgrounds even down to the foods you eat, your kind of cultures and your traditions and things like that so yeah I agree with all of you with what you're saying there. So while it's important to be authentic at work, some organizations do have different cultures when it comes to how much personal expression is encouraged or accepted at work. Some companies may ask for a formal and reserved atmosphere, whereas others encourage employees to bring their whole selves to work. For me, balancing authenticity and professionalism at work is important. No matter what your culture, I do think we should maintain professionalism, respect the company's policies and align our actions with job responsibilities. Authenticity should be exercised with discretion respecting personal and professional boundaries and being mindful of our colleagues privacy but I do think that showing up totally unfiltered could go down downhill very quickly but also if you hide your true self you might miss out on fostering the kind of relationships that can fulfill your life and your career so how much of ourselves do you think we should really bring?

Arlington: I believe we should at least bring 75% of our whole selves. I believe if we come with less than 75%, we're only giving a percentage of what our job is, what our roles are, what our colleagues are. And then we're just not being who we are or true to ourselves. And again, I usually have a lot to say, but it comes out more in written form. I don't speak as much. That's another thing here. So I'll leave it at that.

Clare: Arlington that's great because you're being your authentic self and that's all we can ask for. Dashni do you have any thoughts on that?

Dashni: I think I do echo what you said you know we're in a professional environment you're you're acting for clients and I think while it's important to sort of foster that and bring out your true self you have to sort of maintain some professional boundaries because I think it's quite a new concept isn't it? And it's quite revolutionary in that sense.

Clare: Saiya?

Saiya: I think the true self, it doesn't have to be a static kind of thing. You can be your true self in different environments. Just because you need to be professional at work doesn't mean that you can't be your true self. I think there's different ways of expressing it. And I think it's about having the freedom or feeling that you have the flexibility to be your own version of what professionalism means within certain boundaries, within certain requirements. I think that it's just the fact that it's not one static fixed very rigid idea of what you need to be at work what you need to be in any certain environment.

Clare: Brilliant thank you and so I'll ask you all what can we do to bring our whole self to work as as a firm as a collective. What do you think we could do to show ourselves more who we are without I guess you know kind of stepping on boundaries?

Dashni: I guess i've sort of echoed it again throughout and that's that's you know to sort of enjoy this this whole self-discovery journey and you know start embracing journaling and start really enjoying to work out who your true self is and i think once you do that um you will start bringing your true self to work.

Arlington: And just be more relaxed around others and and just let's have everyone enjoy our life. Just like Siaya said, it doesn't have to be in one specific dimension. It could just be overall. We could laugh and joke, yet have to maintain a level of professionalism.

Saiya: Maybe some of it comes down to your mindset as well, or it's internally giving yourself permission to bring your whole self to work or your true self to work and just trying that and just seeing what that's like.

Clare: It's just taking, you know, one small step at a time towards a bit of change. I like that idea about mindset. It's very difficult to, you know, keep inside yourself how much. I mean, like for myself, sometimes I struggle. I can give you an example, actually. So I've been in the new office and sitting with a new team now. I'm sitting with people that have never actually worked with me before. So they don't actually know who I am apart from who I normally project. Whereas now they see me more often. So, you know, my personality comes out. I probably laugh a lot more. I can be very loud sometimes when I get very excitable. I've said some really silly things that make me giggle and I've had some very funny looks with my team now so they never knew that about me before but I feel comfortable enough now that I'm in a space where I can do that I'm not going to be judged and and people will laugh along with me. So like on the back of that do you have any tips to be more authentic in the office? Can you think of any way that we can tell our listeners you know how to just not be frightened and to be brave?

Dashni: I guess it's more about recognizing when you're not being real. So stop telling yourselves how we should behave at work and, you know, just start opening up a little.

Saiya: I think it would be just along the lines of what everybody else has similarly said. You know, just kind of being open, giving a go, being brave about being your true self.

Arlington: I have to agree as well. You know, just relax, enjoy yourself and just take things as they come.

Clare: I love that. I love your honesty, all of you. For me, I guess the tips I would give are, they echo, basically. So, you know, working out who your true self is, you know, who you are, who you stand for, what you truly want out of your work life, and reconnecting with what's really important, you know, to ourselves, i.e. our values, our strengths, and our unique value. And recognizing, as Dashni said, when you're not being real, take small steps to open up. I think most importantly is setting clear boundaries, because your values always give clues as to what's important. So we should do what we can to protect those for ourselves, because if we allow behaviors that we deem to be unacceptable to go unchecked, then we're probably giving off a signal to others that their actions are okay. But by calmly and explaining how actions make us feel clarifies what your boundaries are whilst being true to your authentic self. And I think pushing for a broader cultural change because when we feel empowered to share our true selves and opinions at work with no fear of reprimand a culture of psychological safety then occurs and it just means that we all feel happy to open up and just be true. And finally this is to all three of you you've achieved so much in your careers so if you could what piece piece of advice would you give your younger self now that you have further awareness of what authenticity means to you?

Dashni: Yeah I guess I'd probably tell her to stop being afraid that she is good enough and to accept the help like it's okay to accept help sometimes and advice from your mentor's.

Saiya: I would say just relax a lot more. I think we don't realize how many thoughts go into our head about this is what we should do or what we should be. And a lot of those actually don't turn out to be relevant in the long run.

Arlington: I have to agree with both of them. But I would also say just take things as they come, challenge them, accept them, and don't try to push away or hide away from certain situations. Let them come. And just like Saiya said, a lot of those instances that we think about really don't happen and they really take no part anyway. They just take up room in our mentality. That's it.

Clare: Yeah, I kind of agree with you that it takes up a lot of space in the mind and creates a lot of worry and anxiety, which, as you say, probably isn't even there. Usually by the time you've said something to someone, you know, everything's dissipated. You can get on with life again and, you know, everyone's happy and it's all great. I completely agree with everything you've all said. So thank you all so much. It's been an absolute pleasure speaking with you all today. And thank you again, just for being so honest and truthful with your answers. Thank you, Dashni, Saiya and Arlington for sharing your insights and thoughts with us today. And thank you to our listeners for tuning into our Inclusivity Included podcast. Until the next time, enjoy the rest of your day.

Outro: Inclusivity Included is a Reed Smith production. Our producers are Ali McCardell and Shannon Ryan. You can find our podcasts on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, reedsmith.com, and our social media accounts.

Disclaimer: This podcast is provided for educational purposes. It does not constitute legal advice and is not intended to establish an attorney-client relationship, nor is it intended to suggest or establish standards of care applicable to particular lawyers in any given situation. Prior results do not guarantee a similar outcome. Any views, opinions, or comments made by any external guest speaker are not to be attributed to Reed Smith LLP or its individual lawyers.

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