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For those who are looking to gain traction and momentum as they move away from the destructive effects of porn and porn behaviors and pursue the life and relationships they dream of.
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What have you tried so far to quit porn? Accountability buddies, talk therapy, internet filters, church or religious programs, or mindfulness techniques to 'get rid of cravings'… Many of these have merit, but they're often missing key elements for long-lasting sobriety. It isn’t enough to just “stop watching porn”. Porn addiction is a symptom of deeper, underlying challenges that I address using evidence-based psychological and behavioral practices. My mission isn't just to help people overc ...
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My name is Bulumko Papu (you can call me Bullz). This is a podcast about porn addiction recovery. Here I talk about tips and tricks that can help you on your recovery journey. Ill be sharing my story and the things I've learnt in my own journey as well.
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What if your brain pushes you towards porn addiction because it’s trying to help you, not hurt you? What if you could quit porn using IFS, an approach that helps you effectively understand and speak with the part of your brain pushing you towards porn, and you could redirect it? What if you could work alongside that part to overcome porn addiction,…
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November 5th is a big day - its Guy Fawkes Day, Vern's Birthday and yes - the American election. How deal with the big feelings that will follow the election can make us truly vulnerable to relapse. Vern walks through how we navigate these strong emotions. We are starting new finding traction groups this fall to help 5-7 guys at a time connect arou…
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74: Being Self-Critical Fuels Porn Addiction | How to Stop Perfectionism So You Can Stop Watching Porn
30:50
Porn addiction and perfectionism go hand-in-hand. If you want to stop watching porn, you need to understand the underlying relationship between porn addiction and these self-critical tendencies. One of the great misconceptions out in the world is that porn addicts are selfish, lazy, or simply don’t try hard enough. But in working with these men one…
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73: Porn Addiction Positive Affirmations that Are Psychologically Effective | Recovery Mindset Statements to Quit Porn
34:46
Do you wish you had a list of recovery mindset statements that could train your brain out of porn addiction? Do you wish you had porn addiction positive affirmations that could convince you to quit porn? Today I am not going to give you that list…because that list does not exist. Don’t believe the hype out there… But what I am going to give you is:…
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There are two types of pathways we can walk in recovery - Plan A is the one we prefer and we have all tried it - unsuccessfully. This episode is about Plan B - and why we end up having to follow this route. We are starting new finding traction groups this fall to help 5-7 guys at a time connect around walking away from porn and moving towards a bet…
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72: Break Barriers to Quit Porn | 4 Psychological Blocks that Prevent Porn Recovery and How to Bust Through Them
32:50
You cannot quit porn simply by overcoming sexual cravings and urges. Porn addiction doesn’t ultimately stem from these urges (as surprising as that is). In reality, porn cravings are a symptom of underlying psychological barriers you're experiencing that are preventing porn addiction recovery. Instead of facing or fighting porn cravings, you need t…
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A big step of recovery is when you turn around and help guys who are not as far along the journey as you are. Mac is one of the guys I coach and he has created a great podcast that he shares with younger guys - it's called porn free millenial and you can access it here. https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/porn-free-millennial-podcast/id1688517945…
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71: Relapse-Free Business Trips & Vacations | How to Build a Safety Plan to Stop Watching Porn While Traveling
43:04
Have you ever had a streak of sobriety, only to go on a vacation or business trip and relapse on porn? In order to stop watching porn on business trips and vacations, you need to take a proactive approach. One of the most counterintuitive things about vacation is that it can be one of the greatest triggers for relapse. Vacation takes us out of our …
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70: What to Do When Your Wife is Triggered | How to Hold Boundaries and Use the Language of Safety in Your Marriage When You Have a Porn Addiction
51:15
If you’re married and you struggle with a porn addiction, we’re going to talk about what to do when your wife is triggered. I have seen a recurring trend with my clients who struggle with pornography addiction. Many have no boundaries with their partners. They face some very serious struggles and confusion in their marriage, trying to figure out ho…
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What is the Primal Need which drives your behaviors, informs your fears and causes you to reach for your medicine jar? (porn) In this episode Vern asks the question "If porn is our favorite solution, then what is the primal question we are seeking to answer or problem we are seeking to solve? If you are interested in reading the book, 7 Primal Ques…
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69: Journey Out of Darkness | A Porn Addiction Story of Healing Through Empathy & Compassion
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In today’s article, I’m going to share a story with you. One that I believe every porn addict can relate to. This story is going to teach you how to heal porn addiction using loving and compassionate methods that, in my opinion, people don’t talk about enough. It’s also going to teach you the truth about the underlying psychology and root causes of…
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What if you had mental tools you could use in an instant to remove your desire for porn? What if you could stop watching porn because you had a recovery mindset that replaced your need for it? What I often hear from my clients when they begin my intensive porn addiction recovery program is that cravings for porn and sex feel instant and automatic. …
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We all know the things that we want to leave behind - do we have a clear sense of what we want to see grow in our life? In this episode Vern shares the result of a brainstorming session he did with a group of guys around the things they wanted to move toward. Funny thing - they all start with "C". We are starting new finding traction groups this fa…
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67: My Wife Won't Have Sex With Me - What Do I Do? | Side Effects of Porn Addiction in Marriage and Finding Sexual Healing
40:14
“My wife won’t have sex with me”, “Porn addiction has ruined our marriage and our sex life”, “My wife has gained 80 lbs since we got married, and I’m no longer sexually attracted to her”, “My wife dresses like a nun and wants nothing to do with sex”... If any of these sound like you, and you’re in a marriage where sex is as frequent as a solar ecli…
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When it comes to living in sustained recovery two of the most problematic words we can utter are the words "What If". Today I unpackage why those two words get us in trouble more often than we realize. We are starting new finding traction groups this fall to help 5-7 guys at a time connect around walking away from porn and moving towards a better l…
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66: When Wives Become Sex Objects | Porn Addiction in Marriage, and How a Man Overcomes Sexual Obsession
57:37
Today, I address common questions many men I’ve worked with have had about porn addiction in marriage. We’ll talk about how wives can unfortunately become sex objects in today's cultural climate (and how to put a stop to it), and how a husband can: Overcome sexual obsession so he can lead a happier, more fulfilling life. Feel truly sexually satisfi…
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I've heard a number of pretty dumb things in coaching guys. I've even thought and said a few of them myself - the following are six of the dumbest things that I have come across. We are starting new finding traction groups this fall to help 5-7 guys at a time connect around walking away from porn and moving towards a better life. If you want more i…
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Many of my clients have the same question when they start my porn addiction recovery program: “When triggers for porn come up, I just don’t know how to handle them. Are there any simple practices I can use to overcome porn triggers?” In today’s episode, I am going to show you how to beat porn triggers and overcome porn addiction using a 5-step syst…
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frEver been in a bad recovery group? Ever felt nervous about joining a group because of the many ways it could go wrong? In this episode Vern explores how to tell when a group is toxic and when it is healthy. We are starting up new Finding Traction groups in September 2024. Normally groups are $149/month but if you sign up by August 31 - Vern is of…
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Do you or your spouse struggle with a porn addiction? Or do you suspect that you or your spouse may be struggling with one? Today, I’m going to share 17 porn addiction symptoms that porn addicts and spouses should know. I’ve been working in the addiction community for years, and I have seen recurring patterns and themes among clients and friends wh…
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Have you ever heard of the saying "Eat Your Frogs" I hadn't! But today we talk about an issue that many porn strugglers have embedded in their lives - their propensity to procastinate! Vern has a brand new circle learning platform for people looking for connection and free resources in their recovery from porn. To get access to this platform join u…
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63: Relapse: How to Tell Your Wife About Your Porn Relapse (Without a Fight) Using The 4-Pronged Ownership Approach
38:36
You just watched porn. You’ve been working hard to stay sober and stop watching porn, but despite your best efforts, you slipped up and now you’re in a dilemma… How to tell your wife about your porn relapse? Relapses are a common part of porn addiction recovery. I would love it if they weren’t, but they are! It’s just the reality. During the years …
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What if we have a relapse after a long period of sobriety? In this episode Vern shares from his life about how demoralizing this can be but also how to get back up on our feet with the proper perspective. Vern has a brand new circle learning platform for people looking for connection and free resources in their recovery from porn. To get access to …
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62: Stop Thoughts that Cause Porn Addiction | The 5 Levels of Cognition Behind Porn Cravings
42:56
If you struggle with porn addiction, it can be a real challenge to figure out why you experience cravings for porn. A lot of the world will tell you it’s because you crave sex - it’s your natural urges - and you just need to discipline yourself enough to stop watching porn. That’s not the case. You’re not a man with an overactive sex drive. You’re …
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Ever seen that Snickers Ad - "I'm not myself when I'm hungry"? Today we introduce a marriage tip called Filters that has been of immense benefit to myself. To add a living example I introduce one of my coaching clients, Jim, who has applied this to his marriage. I love to help guys walk away from porn toward a fuller richer live. If you are looking…
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61: Make Friends with the Addict Part of Your Brain | Quit Porn Using 3 Evidence-based IFS Principles
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Today, you're going to use 3 evidence-based IFS principles to learn how to quit porn by making friends with the addict part of your brain. IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy is a powerful framework for overcoming addiction. It takes a non-traditional approach that has been studied and utilized for 40 years, and has been shown to be highly effect…
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What if you had a mental toolbelt to stop porn cravings and overcome fantasizing and lust habits? Today, I’m going to give you exactly that. By the end of this episode, you will have 7 tools to overcome fantasizing and lust, so you can beat porn cravings and stop wanting pornography. But - just like anything - in order for them to work, you have to…
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When my porn addiction recovery story started a decade ago, I believed that the cravings for porn were my main enemy. I thought that if I could just resist these urges, I’d be free. However, through years of working with men around the world and diving deep into my own experiences, I've come to understand that these cravings are merely symptoms of …
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What if you could write a letter to the younger version of yourself? What would you say? In this episode Vern introduces the idea of writng a letter to the future you - towards a specific recovery application. If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com We offer both weekly …
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58: How You Can Enjoy Work More - According to Brain Science | Chris Reavis
1:12:41
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One of the pillars for building a recovery mindset and lifestyle to overcome porn addiction is connection - or in other words having positive, fulfilling relationships. In today’s episode, I speak with Chris Reavis, professional coach, speaker, and author in the corporate space. He teaches how we can enjoy work more and build better corporate relat…
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Remember what it's like to walk out of the final exam of your degree or finish a project you have been working on for years? Today Vern shares is sense of accomplishment regarding a recovery project he has been laboring over for the last few years. If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is bandofbrothe…
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Many guys express that they have noticed that their acting out tends to be cyclical and regular. They often feel that they come up to a wall that they cannot get over in terms of days clean. in this episode Vern talks about how to ovecome these embedded walls that have tripped us up. If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear…
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Do you find yourself constantly asking, “Why do I struggle with porn addiction?” Or, ”Why is my spouse / child addicted to porn?” There are a lot of messages out there that will tell you porn addiction is about sexual urges. It’s about having a high libido. It’s about a desire for sex that isn’t being fulfilled. If a man wants porn then it’s his sp…
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Most peoople who struggle with porn actually believe some version of the mistaken belief "I'll die without sex" In this episode Vern explores how that belief may be closer to home than you care to admit. If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com We offer both weekly findin…
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In this episode Vern shares a useful tool to be more strategic in how you handle this coming summer. If you want a copy of this weekly planning tool - as well as a number of other helpful resources you can access this by joining the bandofbrothers.care learning community. Create an account using the following link. If privacy is of concern to you, …
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If you're battling with pornography addiction, you're not alone, and there's a way out. I've been there, and I've come through the other side. Let's talk about how you can break free from porn addiction and reclaim your life. In today’s episode, I speak with Mark Collins, a Coach and Mentor who helps men uncover their true identity so they can buil…
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Do you find yourself struggling to quit porn, barely making it past the first week or even the first few days? Today, I’m going to give you 8 rules to get you 3-months sober from porn. I remember how daunting it felt when I was grappling with a decade-long pornography addiction. I constantly wondered what would finally help me overcome this addicti…
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One of the biggest strategic challenges in our recovery is dealing with the many transitions we face. In this episode I look at the challenges of these transitions - both big and small. If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com We offer both weekly finding traction groups …
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Do you ever feel like the enemy is seeking to push past your borders and take ground that should be rightfully yours. Today we use the example of the war in Ukraine as an example of the steps we need to take to regain lost territory in our life. If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is bandofbrothers.…
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54: Trauma, Attachment, Shame & Porn Addiction | Jeanine Gardner
1:43:36
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1:43:36
Recently, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Therapist Jeanine Gardner, from Circles of Grace, part of LifeStar Salt Lake. She shared extremely valuable insights about how trauma, attachment, shame, and porn addiction are all interconnected, and how we can heal trauma and insecure attachments to overcome porn addiction. In this episode we cove…
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53: "I'm triggered when I see a girl dressed immodestly" | How to overcome triggers and lustful thoughts with ease
50:57
So, you’re walking down the street, minding your own business, when BAM a girl walks by in a skimpy outfit. Thoughts of lust, fantasizing, and craving are running through your mind. Or, let’s say, you’re browsing online, minding your own business, when BOOM some ad pops up of women in swimsuits. You’re triggered. And these triggers have started you…
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It can be so hard to know how to help someone with a porn addiction. We worry deeply for our loved ones. We try so, so hard to “knock some sense into them”; to tell them to get help, or to try and help them ourselves. We talk and talk and talk until we’re blue in the face, attempting to get through. Sometimes, our spouse or child will have moments …
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51: The Porn Addiction Funnel: Why You “Stop Thinking” When Cravings Hit & How To Break the Addiction Cycle
35:05
Do you ever wonder why you get sucked into porn addiction and everything else seems to disappear? You have a million important reasons for quitting porn, but when you get stressed you seem to enter this "funnel" that you can't see outside. It feels almost inevitable that you'll give in. I remember exactly how that was. I dealt with this habit for o…
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So you’ve got this monkey on your back. It keeps interrupting your life. You’ve been taught some mental habits to quit porn, but none of them seem to help. You’re tired of being addicted to porn. It increases your anxiety, it decreases your ability to connect with others, you feel more depressed, you don’t feel as motivated or driven. It’s sucking …
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My favorite recovery practise is actually an ancient spiritual practise that helps me throughout the day ... it actually was best taught by a Catholic dishwasher hundreds of years ago - take a listen... If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com We offer both weekly finding…
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When most of us started recovery we thought we needed to just tweak a few things so that stopped our problematic porn patterns. What we soon find, however, is that recovery is a window into the disfynctional way we have been doing our lives and a springboard into a whole new set into new life patterns! If you are looking for a safe place to turn to…
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Is our porn drive the same as our sex drive? In this episode Vern explores the differences between the two and how returning to our normal sex drive is the goal of our porn recovery. If you are looking for a safe place to turn to - I'd love to hear from you - my email is bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com We offer both weekly finding traction groups usi…
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Today I want to talk about a lie that we're told about porn addiction. We're often told that addiction is just a bad habit, that we need to abstain from it, get over our impulsivity, and just say no to the cravings and urges. But let me tell you, that's a bunch of crap. Overcoming porn addiction isn't just about saying no to the habit; it's about d…
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How can feeling bad about porn addiction make you more likely to seek it out? Do you ever wonder how you could possibly want to stop watching porn so bad, yet the worse you feel about it the more you seem to “want” it? Does it seem strange that you could feel so negative about something, and yet crave the heck out of it at the same time? You think,…
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47: Overcome Porn Addiction Using Nutrition | Jordan Gundersen
1:05:37
1:05:37
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1:05:37
Porn addiction is a struggle for many today. Finding ways to break free of porn can feel confusing and overwhelming, as we aren’t sure where to start. One method of overcoming addiction that is gaining traction is nutrition. In episode 47 of No More Desire, hosted by me (Jake Kastleman), we turn the spotlight to the intersection of nutrition, menta…
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