78. Grief doesn't ask for permission, it simply arrives.

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Grief doesn't ask for permission—it arrives unannounced, even for those who make their living guiding others through emotional landscapes.
Tony Overbay, a therapist who typically sits across from clients helping them process pain, recently found himself on the other side of the couch after losing his mother. In this raw, tender conversation, Tony shares what that journey looked like not just as a professional, but as a son navigating the complicated emotions of watching his mother's final days.
What happens when the helper becomes the griever? When the person who usually has the answers finds themselves sitting in the unknown? Tony walks us through those four days at his mother's bedside—the unexpected humor that emerged, the spiritual experiences he hoped for but didn't receive, and the beautiful moments watching his father's tenderness after 58 years of marriage.
Perhaps most profound is Tony's revelation about how his professional training both helped and hindered his grief process. While his background in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy allowed him to recognize unhelpful thought patterns, he still found himself wanting the mystical experiences he'd heard clients describe. His story reminds us that professional knowledge doesn't create immunity from pain—it simply offers different tools for the journey.
For anyone supporting someone through grief, Tony offers refreshing alternatives to the standard "I'm sorry for your loss." Instead, he suggests asking open questions like "What has this been like?" or "Tell me a story about them"—invitations that create space for authentic sharing rather than prescribed expressions of condolence.
Whether you're navigating your own season of loss or walking alongside someone who is, this episode offers a powerful reminder that grief is not a sign we're broken, but evidence we've loved deeply. Subscribe now and join our community exploring the full spectrum of human experience—from heartbreak to healing and everything in between.

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1. When Helpers Become Grievers (00:00:00)

2. Tony's Story of Losing His Mom (00:05:06)

3. The Unexpected Humor in Grief (00:11:15)

4. Finding Meaning in the Final Days (00:18:10)

5. Deepened Understanding Through Personal Loss (00:27:16)

6. Supporting Others Through Grief (00:36:21)

7. Closing Thoughts and Grief Challenge (00:44:05)