405 when the universe keeps sending you the same lesson

The Art of Living Big | Subconscious | NLP | Mindset

You know that moment when you find yourself in the same situation again… just with different names and faces? Maybe it’s a new job that feels oddly familiar to the last one, or a new relationship that somehow has the same emotional dynamics. In this episode, Betsy unpacks why that happens, what the universe (and your subconscious) are really trying to teach you, and how to finally integrate the lesson so you can move forward…not in circles.

This episode explores:

• The energetic and psychological reason we repeat patterns
• How to identify your “loop moments”
• The role of self-trust and awareness in breaking cycles
• The difference between recognizing a lesson and embodying it
• A 3-step reflection process you can use anytime you realize you’re back in a familiar pattern

It’s an invitation to stop asking “Why does this keep happening to me?” and start asking, “What in me is ready to be healed?”

Transcript

 You know that moment where you find yourself in the same situation again, right? Different names, maybe different faces. Maybe it’s a new job that feels oddly familiar to the last one. The situations that happen are the same, or it’s a new relationship that somehow has these same emotional dynamics. All right, today we’re gonna talk about this.

Why does this happen? What does the universe, and of course, your subconscious. Really want you to know, and I’m gonna teach you how to integrate the lesson so you can start moving forward and you don’t get stuck in circles. Okay? Alright, let’s go. Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy.

I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big.

Hi everybody. Welcome to the Art of Living Big. I’m Betsy. I’m happy that you’re here today. All right, a couple quick updates. ’cause you know, I like to give you a couple of quick updates. So this week, tomorrow, in fact, when you’re listening to this, if you are a subscriber and you listen in the morning when this comes out, while you’re listening, I’m getting my brackets taken off for my Invisalign, which the last couple weeks, the liners that I’ve had have made me.

Like Lispy and it’s so hard to talk. I took them out to do this episode, but it is something that I’m really excited about and I’m happy that my teeth are perfect and it’s like just something to celebrate. So I wanted to celebrate that with you here. If you follow me on Instagram, then you may have noticed, , every morning I do like a good things post.

So thank you guys for loving those and for liking my outfits. You know, it’s kind of funny because nobody sees my outfit all day ’cause I’m, because I’m at work from home, but you guys, when I post, so it makes it fun to get ready and I like to get ready. Someone did ask me that, like, why do you get ready every day if you work from home and nobody sees you?

And I know this sounds kind of strange, . There’s no judgment if you don’t do this, but I do it because I believe that it makes me show up as my favorite version of myself, and I think my clients deserve that. So I like to get up and get ready and feel good and start my day. So if you have been watching those, you may have noticed earlier this week I posted something about the portal 2025.

So. Typically this time of year, I do some special things for people that are coming into the Navigate Method. So we are gonna be taking a handful of people through the regular process, but there’s gonna be some additional. Things that we’re gonna do. And the reason that we’re doing those is two parts.

One is because it’s funky, it’s a funky time of year to do the navigate method because there’s breaks for the holiday, right? So, , like the week of Thanksgiving, we have a group, but it’s earlier the week of Christmas. Christmas falls on a Thursday, right? , And that’s when we meet. So like there’s changes to the schedule.

So because of that, I like to make it a little bit more. Fun for the people that go through and I have some extra things that we’re doing to support you. I also think right now is the most important time of the whole year to go through this, and the reason is because we kick the can down the road so much for so many things in our lives.

I mean, I know I do it for things too, right? There’s things that we want and things that we said in January that I’m not gonna live another year like this. Whether, whatever that is for you in this job, in this relationship, in this uncomfortableness, in this body, whatever it is, right? Things we wanted to do different, and now it’s, now it’s showtime, right?

You still have an opportunity to make a lot of the changes that you wanted to make. The truth is a lot of the things that we set out to do at the beginning of the year really don’t take that much time because once you start there becomes momentum and then that just becomes the way that you live, right?

And so I wanted to invite you in if you are that woman that you are, the kind of woman that you’re, like I said, I wasn’t gonna do this another year. Last year, the year before, the year before. And I’ve gotta do something different. And one of the things that I posted earlier today was just about change.

And someone asked me about asking our husbands to change and they were like, I don’t wanna ask him to change. And, and I kind of laughed ’cause I’m like, you’re not asking him to change. You’re asking him to be aware of who he is. You’re asking him to notice the things that he does that create disconnection and struggle, like you are just , asking him to be aware because you can’t shift anything if you’re not aware that you do it.

And so it sounds to me like so many times women are caught in this back and forth because they’re like, I don’t wanna ask him to change. I should accept him the way he is. And I, you’re not asking him to. Change who he is. You’re asking him to recognize his patterns that aren’t helping him to live the way that you guys decided to live together.

And it may be that he can never do that, that’s a possibility, but you don’t know unless you do things radically different. And that’s what we teach you inside the Navigate method. Okay? So I didn’t mean to go off on all that. I just feel like that’s important and important for you to know that we’re doing that right now, so you could get in on it and you know, if you’re listening to this and it’s December or even early January, there’s still ways for you to get in on that.

And , we have special ways for you to be able to still participate in the things that we’ve done for the holidays. So, okay, so let’s get into this episode. We are gonna be talking today about something that I think that we’ve all felt at some point, and it is that feeling of, wait, have I been here before?

Like I’ve done this before. You know, the details might change. It might be a different relationship, like I said, or a job or a new city, but somehow the emotions, the dynamics, they all feel the same. And you’re like, why haven’t I learned the lesson? Like there is a lesson for me to learn and I never learned it, but what is it?

And it’s, it can feel like. The universe keeps sending you this same test. I hear people say that a lot, like it’s just a test until you finally learn the material. And the truth is,, it sort of does. It’s not really a test, but we’re gonna talk about this, all right? I used to think that if I worked a little bit harder, or I got a little bit smarter, or if I made better choices.

That I would stop ending up in the same emotional places. But what I learned is that , the universe isn’t punishing us, but it is partnering with us. It’s showing us again and again. The places where we’ve abandoned ourselves, right? , The parts of us that are like seeking attention or validation, and it will keep showing up until we are ready to see it differently.

So first, let’s just start with what’s actually going on, because I think that this. This is an important thing to notice. , Anytime I talk about the universe, I’m using air quotes like the universe. I do believe in an energy around things, and also there’s always a way to track it back to your subconscious mind.

So here’s what’s really going on from that level. So our subconscious mind runs the show about 95% of the time, and what I mean by that is. It is the thing that is reacting, deciding, sifting, and sorting through what you are consciously aware of. We think we have free will, but we only have free will enough to the 5%.

The other place that we can impact our free will is by understanding our subconscious mind, and I think this is so important if we want to be and experience new things. Otherwise we become where we are running this track, right? That kind of runs the same thing over and over and over again. And that is actually really helpful.

Biologically, it’s really helpful because we don’t have to remember everything. Like I know exactly how to brush my teeth. I don’t even hardly remember doing it until I realize I’ve done it. It is a habit. It’s unconscious. And if I had to remember everything or look at a YouTube every time I wanted to put pants on, like it would become, life would become very hard, right?

So our subconscious is running the show and it loves things that are familiar, even if the thing that’s familiar really hurts. So if deep down we believe that love means taking care of everything, right, or safety means just pushing it under the rug, or just ignoring things. Then our subconscious mind will keep creating circumstances that feel like that.

And I’m gonna say this in a different way. It’ll keep showing us, remember. ’cause not everything is being shown to us, but it’s gonna keep showing us circumstances that feel like that. It’s not because it wants to sabotage us, but it’s because it wants us to reconcile what has been unresolved. So every.

Repeated pattern , it’s like your soul’s way of saying there’s something here for you. There’s something here for you that you haven’t fully understood yet. And , I don’t know what you think about why you’re here or the world or the universe, and maybe you’ve thought different things over the course of your lifetime.

I know that I have, but I believe that we’re here. To experience certain things and to grow, and that we came here for the ups and downs, right? So the downs, the times that are really hard, our soul wants to work through it. I believe that’s part of why we’re here. And so. Anytime I do that, I work through it or I do something that I have struggled with for so long and I finally broke out of the, , I wanna say the hypnotic trance that kept me stuck.

I feel like, oh my God, my soul just grew. I feel like I got to some new level in the video game. Do you know what I mean? Like, I did it and so. I think that as we look at this, we gotta look at it as though our brain is wanting us and our soul is wanting us to evaluate this, right? To understand something in a different way.

So here’s how you’re gonna know when you’re in a loop, and that is when your body reacts faster than your mind. So. I, this is why I always say to women in my program, like, pay attention to what your body’s doing. I know your brain is gonna try and sort through this or make sense of it, or even excuse what’s happening , and I want you to pay attention to your body first.

Because when you feel that familiar feeling of like dread or frustration or that urge to fix somebody else or whatever it is that spike of fear, , when you go to speak up, that is not, it’s not just right now. It’s not just this moment that is the past replaying over and over and over again through your nervous system.

Okay. And so this is where if you can have an a level of awareness, it really becomes your superpower. , When you can name it, oh, this is just my pattern of trying to earn love again. You, shift from being inside that story to stepping outside, or I almost think of it like being above and looking down on the story, and you were an observer of it.

Sort of like a fly on the wall, and then you’re like, oh, , I can see that I pushed a lot of things aside, or I accepted misogynistic behavior because I wanted to be loved so badly, right? Like I accepted all kinds of crap. But then when you can see it from that vantage point, then all of a sudden you have choice, right?

That’s where your choice really begins. And so. Once you notice the pattern, the goal isn’t to shame yourself for it or to like, feel guilty about it or, to be mad that you spent so much time in the pattern. It, is just to bring it to your awareness. That’s the goal. Notice the pattern, bringing it into your awareness, and give yourself a lot of compassion.

One of the things that women say often in my program, oh, I’m gonna say often, I’m gonna say, every woman says this at some point, right? Is like, oh my gosh. Now that they see it, they’re like, oh my gosh, why did I do this for so long? And there is a feeling of loss and a feeling of shame sometime. And regret is a huge feeling in this awareness and.

I always say like, you didn’t see it because you weren’t ready to see it, but now you see it because now you’re ready to see it. All things are happening at the spot, in the exact spot. When you’re ready. This is why I always say when people find me and they’re like, oh my God. It was like I was so done and then I found you.

Well, yeah, ’cause you were ready. I was probably lurking about in your newsfeed or whatever for a long time, but it didn’t click with you or you didn’t see it or didn’t resonate. Because you weren’t ready. So once you notice the pattern, don’t regret it, don’t shame it. None of that. Just give yourself a ton of compassion.

And then there are some questions to really ask yourself. Because once we see the pattern, I always think of this as like, , I wanna be friends with it. Do, you know what I mean? Like this thing that I’ve been doing. It, was here to serve me. It was trying to keep me safe. And so I can ask myself like, what is happening in this situation that is being mirrored back to me?

Right? What is this reflecting to me? What do I actually need right now that I have been trying to get externally? Right? So. I had someone once in my program who said that their husband said it’s about time that they, , that they were in the kitchen acting like a wife. Now, she said, I used to laugh about that, but then all of a sudden it wasn’t funny and I could see it for what it actually was.

And so the important part actually isn’t. Why he’s doing it. That’s his own crap. The, thing to decipher here is a, why did you feel like you had to sweep that under the rug for so long? That’s your work, right? And so once I see it, I can ask myself, what’s the need that I’ve been trying to get externally in, in sweeping that under the rug?

And how can I give that to myself? And how can I respond in a way that honors who I am becoming, not, just who I used to be. , And then this is the really important part and the part that can feel really scary. . And I’m gonna do a episode on, nervous system regulation. I, I know I said that last week.

I really am., I’ve been thinking a lot about it and how is the best way to do this? , But this is really important because when you see it and you ask yourself those questions, you have to do something different, right? It, might be that you pause before reacting. , That is doing something.

You, you could say no when you’d actually say yes, right? Whereas you, , where you would have laughed or just ignored it. Now you can say, don’t talk to me like that. You can let yourself rest instead of trying to prove that you’re worth something more than that, and that little tiny shift, that’s how the universe knows.

That’s how your unconscious mind goes. Okay. We’re doing something different. You got it this time she, got it. She picked it up. So I wanna say this, and I say this with so much love, I’m gonna take your hands. Sometimes even after you get it, it’ll come around again. It’ll come around again, but it’s not as a punishment.

I always think of this as like a confirmation. It’s sort of like the universe saying, Hey, I just wanna make sure that wasn’t luck. You actually integrated that lesson, right? So you might see the same pattern, but I want you to notice how you’ll start to feel it differently. Remember I said, your body is gonna know first, and then your brain’s gonna do whatever your brain’s gonna do.

So when you see the pattern, you’re gonna notice that you feel different. It won’t hook you the way that it used to. You won’t be activated by it in the same way at all. And so you’re gonna notice that your nervous system. Stays calm. Your response feels a lot cleaner and , your peace doesn’t, depend on anybody else.

Like somebody else could say that to her, like her husband could say that it’s about time you, whatever it was in the kitchen. Stay in the kitchen and act. Act like a real wife and all of a sudden, like she feels like none of that is about her. Because the way she feels about her has nothing to do with somebody else’s reaction to her.

And that’s when you know that you’ve actually graduated. And now the more lessons come. Now it’s like a never ending school. But the cool thing is, I, whenever this happens, I’m like, oh, I graduated. I just had a little bump. Right? A little bump in my activation in my life force energy. Like I am growing, I, am doing what I came here to do.

So if you are listening to this and you’re like, oh my God, I do this all the time, I’m in the same thing all the time. Like I’m kicking the can down the road constantly ’cause I don’t know what to do. Just give yourself a big, deep breath, nervous system regulation, big deep breath, and just make sure you know.

This is a really important thing, and I did a whole episode on this about starting over, but I want you to know you’re not back at the beginning. You’re just being shown this next layer of your own evolution. You know, I don’t think of the universe as like I, I think of the universe as just constantly reflecting back ourselves, so I don’t think it’s.

Making choices to punish you , I really don’t. None of that. But it doesn’t, I’m gonna say it like this, the universe isn’t recycling pain for no reason. Like your unconscious mind isn’t showing you the painful thing for no reason. It’s, showing you opportunities. It’s, recycling opportunities.

For truth and for boundaries, and for you to show up as yourself and for you to evolve and for you to become more of yourself. And every single time that you do it, every single time you respond differently. Even if it’s just in a small pause. Even if you blow up after, right? But, you have done a little something different.

You are telling the universe, I’ve learned, I’m learning. I’m ready for what’s next. Right. So today, instead of asking the question of like, why does this keep happening, ask yourself this. Ask yourself, what in me is ready to be healed? What’s in me that’s ready to be healed? And that’s where we get into the truth trigger.

That’s where real change starts happening. So take a moment. Look through your day, ask yourself, where were those opportunities that maybe I missed, and can I start to notice them tomorrow? All right. Thanks so much for listening. If this episode resonated, take a moment, share it with somebody that might need to hear it too.

And remember this. Hard work of looking at yourself and your own junk and recognizing that everyone else is just reflecting back something going on inside you. I think that is when you start to live a big life. Alright, I love you guys so much. I’ll see you next week. Bye-bye. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big.

I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pa and on my YouTube channel.

Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.