Self-Esteem is BS Instead Focus On This | Dr. Steven Hayes

The Art of Charm

In today’s episode, we cover self-esteem with Dr. Steven Hayes. Steven Hayes is an American clinical psychologist and Nevada Foundation Professor at the University of Nevada, Reno Department of Psychology, where he is a faculty member in their Ph.D. program in behavior analysis, and the author nearly 670 scientific articles and 47 books including the best selling Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life.

The last couple of generations grew up in a world that focused on high self-esteem, but what exactly is self-esteem, why was it catastrophically wrong to focus on it, and what should you strive for when raising kids?

What to Listen For

• Introduction – 0:00
• What is self-esteem?
• Why is it dangerous to artificially inflate self-esteem?
• What is that critical voice you hear and how does it affect your self-esteem?
• What is confidence – 18:30
• Why are many people who appear confident not?
• How does social media make it difficult for you to be self compassionate and stay true to yourself?
• Stop focusing on self-esteem – 30:20
• Why is it catastrophic to focus on teaching kids to have a high self esteem?
• What can you do to develop your self-compassion to boost your confidence?
• Friends, values, and life fulfillment – 49:42
• Why are values important and how do your friends influence your values for better or worse?
• Is too much self-compassion a bad thing?

We’ve seen that it can be dangerous to artificially inflate self-esteem and that it is much more important to focus on teaching kids how to have a healthy self-compassion. When we develop our self-compassion, we become better equipped to stay true to ourselves, even when faced with difficult situations or negative feedback from others. With values clarification and by choosing friends who share our positive values, we can work together to encourage each other in living out our best selves.

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Resources from this Episode

• Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life by Steven Hayes, Ph. D.
• Is Self Compassion More Important Than Self Esteem by Steven Hayes, Ph. D.
• Alex Banayan Episode
• Self-compassion protects against the negative effects of low self-esteem: A longitudinal study in a large adolescent sample by Sarah Marshall
• Steven Hayes TED Talk

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