033: Ruby shares her story of extreme depression, self-harm, and suicidal thinking

Early Homecoming: Insights from Missionaries who Returned Early

Ruby began struggling right from the get-go on her mission during at-at home MTC (due to COVID-19 restrictions). Her struggle soon turned into extreme depression and shortly after arriving in the field, she began to self-harm . She recalls feeling temporary relief upon cutting herself, but then felt guilt and like she wasn't worthy and had failed God and her assignment as a missionary by self-harming. The depression continued though and soon she found herself making a suicide plan. She was sent home and felt like there was something irreparably broken inside of her upon returning home early. She felt abandoned by God and seriously considered leaving the Church. Her suicidal thinking and planning continued too upon returning home. In this raw interview, Ruby shares her pain and struggles openly, but also discusses how she has continuously overcome the worst of her depression and why she wants to live even though the pain is still there. She also shares poignant testimony of why she has chosen to stay in the Church and how she has deepened her relationship with her Heavenly Parents through this trial.
The video from the Church that Ruby referenced: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPhCJaBqh74
If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, there is help!
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline--speak to someone immediately!
800-273-8255
OR
Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a counselor