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Two sex addicts in long-term successful recovery are ALSO world-class Counselors who specialize in porn and sex addiction recovery. Drawing on 40 years of combined personal and professional experience, Mark and Steve get RAW and REAL about HOW to overcome addiction, heal betrayal trauma and save your marriage. If you're struggling with addiction—we get it. Recovery is hard. We've been there. We'll help you take the fight to your addiction like never before. If you're married to an addict—we ...
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How does a Betrayed Partner Navigate the News that their Sex Addict Partner has Contracted an Incurable STD?
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In episode 248, Mark & Steve tackle an extremely intense and heart-breaking submission by a betrayed partner. Here's what she submitted— I have listened to many of your podcast episodes. An area I wish you would do an episode on is how is a spouse to handle it when your porn addicted/SA husband comes home and discloses (not the first time in our ma…
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In this episode, number 247, Mark & Steve discuss a situation and questions submitted by the betrayed partner of a porn/sex addict. She does a great job presenting a balanced description of their situation, while also being very direct, vulnerable and authentic. Her addict partner has struggled with porn addiction nearly his whole life and when all…
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What Do “Independence” & “Interdependence” Look Like in a Coupleship where My Partner Continues to Scan and Lust?
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In episode 246, we explore the concept of interdependence in the context of recovery from betrayal trauma and porn addiction. Interdependence, often mentioned but not always fully understood, is a critical aspect of healing and moving forward in a relationship after the discovery of a partner’s addiction. Many betrayed spouses struggle with definin…
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With His History of Dishonesty, Should I Just Trust that my Partner’s Relationship with an Attractive Coworker is “All Business”?
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In Episode 245, Mark & Steve respond to an all–too–common, legitimate struggle faced by the betrayed partners of sex/porn addicts. Here's a submission from a partner— My husband is starting a new position within his company where he will be working very closely with this woman. She is highly attractive, and the only female in the male dominated com…
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Is it My Responsibility to Make My Porn Addicted Partner Feel Comfortable so He Will Consistently Tell Me the Truth?
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In Episode 244, Mark & Steve address the betrayed partner of a porn/sex addict who submitted the following to PBSE— As a partner of an addict, what can I do to help my partner feel more supported during his recovery, so that he may feel more comfortable telling me the truth??? Time and time again, I have caught him in lies or omissions and it’s eat…
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My Porn Addicted Partner has ADHD. He Insists I MUST Manage His Recovery for Him to Succeed. Is This Right?
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In Episode 243, Mark & Steve address a very important issue submitted to PBSE by a listener who is the betrayed partner of a porn/sex addict. This question especially resonated with Mark as he himself, along with a number of his children and many of his extended family, have suffered with the challenges of mental illness and related diagnosed issue…
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In this PBSE episode (#242), Mark & Steve respond to an incredibly vulnerable, painful submission by a PBSE listener. Her submission starts out with— I was happy to have found your podcast after my partner’s reluctant disclosure last month. After experiencing what can only be described as one of the most intensely painful experiences of my life, I …
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In Episode 241, Mark & Steve respond to a porn/sex addict in recovery who is facing an extremely difficult situation with his betrayed partner. Here's what he submitted through the PBSE contact form— Hey, my wife is one of the .01% of wives who expects me to be absolutely perfect. I don’t know what to do? I’ve been focusing on being serene. Learnin…
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What are the differences and similarities between male and female betrayal-traumatized partners?
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In Episode 240, Mark and Steve address an important issue submitted by a male betrayed partner. Here's his submission— How do male betrayed partners process betrayal trauma differently than women? What are the difficulties male partners have when trying to heal the relationship with their betrayer? Are there any differences in recovery and repair b…
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A Close Friend Matches My Addict Husband’s Past “Porn/Fantasy” Woman. I’m Triggered Whenever I’m Around Her! What Can I Do?!
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This episode, # 239, is in response to a very common and very painful, frustrating and limiting situation submitted by the betrayed partner of a porn/sex addict— My husband is currently in recovery, and I am unfortunately still in the depths of betrayal trauma. Unfortunately in the early discovery days (there have been 3 major ones over 20 years) I…
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For an Addict Seeking to Overcome “Public Scanning,” is the “3-Second Rule” Harmful or Helpful?
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Episode 238 comes in response to a request from a long-time PBSE listener. Here's her submission— Can you talk about the "3 second rule" and why it’s not an ok rule?! Many people talk about it and/or say they’ve read, heard, or had addicts, partners, therapists, suggest this rule. I love the way you’ve described what crap that is because an addict'…
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My Addict Partner was Doing Well in Recovery. Then the Lies Started Again. I’m Shattered! How do I Come Back from This?!
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In this Episode 237, Mark and Steve get passionate in responding to the heart-felt submission by a PBSE listener. Here's what she shared— In My partners and I are now 12 months into our journey and I have been doing really well for the most part. I had been feeling like I was really getting on top of my betrayal and processing everything that happe…
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Episode 234 comes in response to TWO situations/questions sent to PBSE by porn/sex addicts in recovery. Here’s a brief overview of each— The first has been addicted to porn since he was 14 and is now well into his adult years. He was in a relationship for 3 years before disclosing his addiction. In his own words he says—Since then I have lied about…
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Why is Knowledge of Horrific Abuse in the Porn Industry NOT Enough to Make Men Quit Their Porn Habit?
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In this episode, # 236, the betrayed partner of a porn addict writes a very raw and vulnerable message to PBSE with some deeply poignant, hard-hitting questions. Here's what we received from her— Hey Mark and Steve, my partner was 4 years porn-free and then relapsed, using porn intermittently for about 8 months before I caught him. He says he's ser…
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I’ve Disclosed my Sexual Addiction history to my partner—now what? How do I best support her going forward?
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In Episode 235, a PBSE listener writes in to ask Mark & Steve for guidance on how to best support his partner going forward. The couple were together off and on for 11 years and then married for the last 10 years. During the entire span of 21 years, he has struggled with sex/porn addiction and alcohol abuse. Recently, he got serious about getting i…
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In Episode 233, Mark & Steve respond to a very heart-felt submission from a betrayed partner, who asks some very hard questions about her relationship with a partner who is a porn/sex addict in recovery. Here's what she submitted to PBSE— Hi Mark and Steve, I’m feeling a lot of apathy in my marriage and I don’t understand the point in staying. I’ve…
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In PBSE Episode 232, Mark & Steve respond to a listener's experience and questions with regard to the approach to Betrayal Trauma healing that PBSE and Dare to Connect take, vs. the experience in 12-Step groups. Here's what the partner of a porn/sex addict submitted to PBSE— Is it me or are the approaches of partner-oriented 12-step fellowships the…
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Because He’s a Sex Addict—even in Real Recovery—I will still Never Be Enough For Him! How do I Cope with That?!
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Episode 231 comes in response to a very raw and real submission by a PBSE listener who is the partner of a sex addict. Here's what she vulnerably expressed— I’m the partner of a sex/porn addict who has a 3-4 year history of lying about being in “recovery.” Even to sponsors, men groups & therapists. My experience has always been my discovery, never …
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In Episode 230, the betrayed parter of a porn/sex addict submitted her situation and some questions to PBSE surrounding the CRITICAL issue of "restitution." Here's how she expressed it— Over the course of our 25 year long marriage, my husband had two emotional affairs, a decade and a half long porn addiction and a 2 year long physical and emotional…
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Do I Have to Accept that my Addict Partner, even in Successful Recovery, could Betray Me Again?!
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In Episode 229, Mark & Steve answer some very TOUGH questions asked by a partner seeking to heal from the betrayal trauma caused by her porn/sex addicted partner. Here's what she sent in to PBSE: Do I just have to accept he can never be faithful? That an addict will always be an addict so he will always have to fight the want of others? There will …
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In Episode 228, Mark & Steve get SUPER passionate talking to the partners of porn/sex addicts! Over the past several weeks, PBSE has received a number of heart-wrenching submissions by listeners who are partners falling and drowning in the overwhelming intensity of betrayal trauma and being in a relationship with a porn/sex addict. Unfortunately, i…
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I Need My Sex Addict Partner be “all-in” with Recovery, and to Stop Throwing Me Under the Bus with Family & Friends!
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In Episode 227, Mark & Steve respond to an amazing submission from a PBSE listener who is facing an incredibly hard, overwhelming and toxic situation in her relationship with her sex/porn addict partner. One of the things that was so impressive about her submission is how balanced and reasonable she was in describing her partner and the situation. …
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How Can I Share my Authentic Feelings when my Addict Partner Reacts with Depression, Anxiety and/or Shame?
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In Episode 226, a PBSE listener asks a very common question about her interactions with her porn/sex addicted partner: Hello, I just recently started listening to your podcast and I was wondering if you have, or if you could talk about, how to approach communicating our authentic feelings when our porn addict partner also struggles with depression …
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Episode 225 comes from a heart-felt submission by the partner of a porn/sex addict. She reports that he is in solid, serious recovery, but he just can't find a way to become consistently honest! Here's part of what she submitted— It's just a default position (lying) that he takes to everything, whether about his addiction history or about nothing a…
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Should We Consider a “Sex Fast”? And IF so, HOW do we NOT become “Disconnected” in the Process?
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In Episode 224, Mark & Steve discuss a topic that many couples face—the addict in recovery is trying to stay sober from his use of porn and other sex addiction outlets. At the same time, his partner is seeking her own path of betrayal trauma healing. in the midst of their individual efforts is the issue of their "sexual relationship." How can a cou…
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Now that my Sex/Porn Addiction is Out in the Open, my Betrayed Partner is Lashing Out! How do we Navigate this?!
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In episode 223, Mark & Steve address a submission by a PBSE listener who is in long-term recovery from his porn and sex addiction. At the same time, after many years of gaslighting, lying and multiple layers of betrayal, his spouse is understandably and significantly struggling in the relationship. Here's how he describes the situation— Hey guys! R…
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Both Partners Have a Porn Addiction History. One is Pursuing Real Recovery and the other Refuses to do so; Now What?
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In episode 222 of the PBSE podcast, hosts Mark and Steve delve into a deeply personal and challenging topic after receiving a unique submission from a listener. The episode focuses on a couple where both partners have a history of porn and sex addiction, but only one is actively pursuing recovery. The submission details the struggles of trying to s…
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Episode 221 comes in response to the heart-felt submission by a PBSE listener struggling after the disclosure of her porn and sex addicted partner. Have you ever felt the flame of love flicker and feared it might go out? That's the heart of our latest episode where we peel back the layers on rekindling romance in the wake of a porn/sexual addiction…
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How Can my Family & Friends Support Me & My Partner in Recovery? How Much Should We Share & with Whom?
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In Episode 220, Mark & Steve talk about a challenge in porn/sex addiction and betrayal trauma healing that is all about a "third party"—the family and friends of the addict and partner. Here's a situation submitted by a PBSE listener— Hey guys. Would you consider doing a podcast episode about advice for friends or family trying to support the addic…
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In Episode 219, Mark & Steve get super passionate in addressing a heart-felt, yet tragic submission from a PBSE listener. Here's what he had to say— Hi, I would love it if you guys could do a podcast around the effects of years of lies and trickle truths on a full disclosure? I've been a PA for 18 years roughly and i've had a hard time coming to te…
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As an Addict, are you “Weaponizing your Weaknesses” as a Reason to NOT Commit to and Live “Real” Recovery?
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In Episode 218, we address two similar questions that we received from partners who are in betrayal trauma healing as a result of their addict spouse's sex/porn addiction behaviors. Here's an excerpt from each of the questions submitted— Partner #1—My husband and I have been together for 3 years. In late 2022, I found out he had been emotional chea…
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We want to thank a courageous partner for submitting the situation and question for Episode 217. Here's what she shared— Hi Mark and Steve, I want to thank you for making this podcast and continuing to tackle these hard topics in a way that is so relatable for recovering addicts and being compassionate for partners. My question relates to sexual in…
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Episode 216 is in response to a very courageous, transparent submission by a parter who is seeking to heal from the betrayal of a sex/porn addicted spouse AND also overcome her own sexual addiction. Her's what she sent in to PBSE— Hello Mark and Steve! Thank you for all the work and dedication that you have put into your programs and podcasts and f…
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In Episode 215, a PBSE listener asks some very-often-wondered-about questions regarding addiction and related mental, emotional and relational behaviors— I’m wondering what comes first….the chicken or the egg? Do men who already have narcissistic tendencies (born or developed in childhood) gravitate to sex/porn addiction more frequently given their…
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In Episode 214, Mark and Steve respond to a PBSE listener who finds herself in an all-too-common situation. After several years of marriage, her spouse has owned up to his porn addiction and is in active recovery. However, during their entire relationship, his porn addiction ruined what could've been healthy, connected, mutually-satisfying sexually…
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In Episode 213, Mark and Steve tackle a very heart-felt and all-too-common situation submitted by a PBSE listener who is suffering under the heavy burden of betrayal trauma—while at the same time being criticized and discounted by family, friends and other people on social media. Here's what she vulnerably shared— Mark & Steve, I have listened to e…
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In episode 212, Mark and Steve respond to a tragic situation submitted by a PBSE listener. As opposed to a structured podcast, Mark & Steve spontaneously share their raw, passionate feelings as they read and comment on each part of this partner’s submission; ask a LOT of hard-hitting questions; and relate to their own addiction/recovery experiences…
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Episode 211 is in response to a very raw and heart-felt submission by a PBSE listener. She is about to turn 40, is married to a guy who struggles with porn/sex addiction and they have 3 children. About 10 years ago, she found out that he had been regularly viewing porn for the first decade of their marriage. She was devastated and let him know she …
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Is There a Correlation Between ADHD & Porn/Sex Addiction? Can You Cope with Both Collaboratively?
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In Episode 210, Mark & Steve address an issue that comes up often in porn/sex addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing—the challenges of ADHD that seem to often correlate with, and/or accompany addiction. This episode is in response to a situation submitted by a PBSE listener— "I have heard there is a correlation between ADHD and addiction. H…
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Episode 209 is in response to a very complex, awkward, embarrassing, infuriating and painful situation submitted by the partner of a porn/sex addict. He IS in initial recovery, BUT when he finally started "trickle disclosing" his past "addiction behaviors," this led her to do some "detective work" to find out more. In searching his computer, phone,…
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This episode (#208) is in response to a very vulnerable and heart-felt submission by a PBSE listener. Here's her situation— "You may have already covered during previous episodes and I have just not been able to find it, but could you do a podcast on emotional cheating? This was a big part of my relationship and devastated me more than finding out …
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How Do My Partner and I Successfully Navigate a “Therapeutic Separation”? How Do We Do This Well?
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In Episode 207, Mark & Steve address a situation and concern sent in by a PBSE listener who finds herself in a very painful, difficult and complex situation. Here's how she describes it— "Hey guys, firstly thank you so much for your podcast - it’s helping more than you will ever know. My question is about separation and how to do this well. I found…
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The More I Learn About His “Disgusting Past” the Less I Want to Have Sex with Him! How Can We Ever Recover From This?
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We know that the title to Episode 206 is hard-hitting! But, this is very close to a "quote" from a PBSE listener who is a partner in betrayal trauma healing. Here's the very raw and real situation and question she sent to us— "Hi Mark and Steve, My husband and I are coming up on one year since D-Day. We’ve each been in individual therapy and 12 ste…
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In Episode 205, Mark and Steve tackle a VERY sensitive, but crucial topic. This episode comes in response to a porn/sex addict in recovery who wrote the following— "Hi there, I just want to start by saying thank you for your work in this area of addiction. I'm an addict and I've been in a relationship for the past 4 years. I've betrayed my partner …
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In Episode 204, Mark & Steve take on what is often a very difficult topic for couples—talking openly, authentically and non-defensively about all aspects of their sexual relationship. This episode is in response to a situation and question sent in by a PBSE listener. Her partner is in active, genuine recovery from porn/sex addiction and doing a lot…
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In episode 203, Mark and Steve tackle an issue that is often extremely challenging for both the individual who is in recovery from porn/sex addiction AND for their partner who is healing from betrayal trauma. That issue is—Trips and Travel—during the holidays as well as trips and vacations throughout the year. - WHY can trips and vacations be SO tr…
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I Have Been Betrayed by So Many Men! What Steps Can I Take Going Forward to NOT be Hurt Again?!
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Episode 202 is in response to a deeply traumatic situation and heartfelt questions sent in by a PBSE listener. For over 40 years, this dear woman has been betrayed, gaslighted, lied to, disrespected and dismissed by the men in her life, starting with her own father. Now, much older and wiser, IF she enters into a future relationship, she doesn't wa…
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Why do Betrayed Partners Feel Unsafe? What does it take to Feel Safe Again and Why is this Critical to Healing?
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In episode 201, Mark and Steve address a very genuine and vulnerable cry for help from a woman who was severely betrayed by her husband. Her message and questions were lengthy, so here's a summary of what she submitted to PBSE— - Our PBSE listener had a good friend who was temporarily living in her home. Her husband had an affair with the friend wh…
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This is PBSE's 200th episode! We (Mark & Steve) want to express our deepest appreciation to all of our PBSE listeners in more than 185 countries world-wide. YOU are the reason we are so passionate about this cause and dedicated to bringing you our weekly podcast. Thank you, thank you, thank you! One of the great passions that fuels our counseling w…
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In Episode 199, Steve is on the road traveling so Mark is flying solo on the PBSE podcast. Everyday we think, talk and act on "autopilot" in SO many ways! All of this is "hard-wired" in the subconscious mind's computer. And one of the most powerfully hard-wired programs the subconscious mind’s computer can contain is ADDICTION. Addiction is all abo…
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