What have you tried so far to quit porn? Accountability buddies, talk therapy, internet filters, church or religious programs, or mindfulness techniques to 'get rid of cravings'… Many of these have merit, but they're often missing key elements for long-lasting sobriety. It isn’t enough to just “stop watching porn”. Porn addiction is a symptom of deeper, underlying challenges that I address using evidence-based psychological and behavioral practices. My mission isn't just to help people overc ...
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My name is Bulumko Papu (you can call me Bullz). This is a podcast about porn addiction recovery. Here I talk about tips and tricks that can help you on your recovery journey. Ill be sharing my story and the things I've learnt in my own journey as well.
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What if your brain pushes you towards porn addiction because it’s trying to help you, not hurt you? What if you could quit porn using IFS, an approach that helps you effectively understand and speak with the part of your brain pushing you towards porn, and you could redirect it? What if you could work alongside that part to overcome porn addiction,…
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74: Being Self-Critical Fuels Porn Addiction | How to Stop Perfectionism So You Can Stop Watching Porn
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Porn addiction and perfectionism go hand-in-hand. If you want to stop watching porn, you need to understand the underlying relationship between porn addiction and these self-critical tendencies. One of the great misconceptions out in the world is that porn addicts are selfish, lazy, or simply don’t try hard enough. But in working with these men one…
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73: Porn Addiction Positive Affirmations that Are Psychologically Effective | Recovery Mindset Statements to Quit Porn
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Do you wish you had a list of recovery mindset statements that could train your brain out of porn addiction? Do you wish you had porn addiction positive affirmations that could convince you to quit porn? Today I am not going to give you that list…because that list does not exist. Don’t believe the hype out there… But what I am going to give you is:…
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72: Break Barriers to Quit Porn | 4 Psychological Blocks that Prevent Porn Recovery and How to Bust Through Them
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You cannot quit porn simply by overcoming sexual cravings and urges. Porn addiction doesn’t ultimately stem from these urges (as surprising as that is). In reality, porn cravings are a symptom of underlying psychological barriers you're experiencing that are preventing porn addiction recovery. Instead of facing or fighting porn cravings, you need t…
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71: Relapse-Free Business Trips & Vacations | How to Build a Safety Plan to Stop Watching Porn While Traveling
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Have you ever had a streak of sobriety, only to go on a vacation or business trip and relapse on porn? In order to stop watching porn on business trips and vacations, you need to take a proactive approach. One of the most counterintuitive things about vacation is that it can be one of the greatest triggers for relapse. Vacation takes us out of our …
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70: What to Do When Your Wife is Triggered | How to Hold Boundaries and Use the Language of Safety in Your Marriage When You Have a Porn Addiction
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If you’re married and you struggle with a porn addiction, we’re going to talk about what to do when your wife is triggered. I have seen a recurring trend with my clients who struggle with pornography addiction. Many have no boundaries with their partners. They face some very serious struggles and confusion in their marriage, trying to figure out ho…
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69: Journey Out of Darkness | A Porn Addiction Story of Healing Through Empathy & Compassion
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In today’s article, I’m going to share a story with you. One that I believe every porn addict can relate to. This story is going to teach you how to heal porn addiction using loving and compassionate methods that, in my opinion, people don’t talk about enough. It’s also going to teach you the truth about the underlying psychology and root causes of…
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What if you had mental tools you could use in an instant to remove your desire for porn? What if you could stop watching porn because you had a recovery mindset that replaced your need for it? What I often hear from my clients when they begin my intensive porn addiction recovery program is that cravings for porn and sex feel instant and automatic. …
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67: My Wife Won't Have Sex With Me - What Do I Do? | Side Effects of Porn Addiction in Marriage and Finding Sexual Healing
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“My wife won’t have sex with me”, “Porn addiction has ruined our marriage and our sex life”, “My wife has gained 80 lbs since we got married, and I’m no longer sexually attracted to her”, “My wife dresses like a nun and wants nothing to do with sex”... If any of these sound like you, and you’re in a marriage where sex is as frequent as a solar ecli…
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66: When Wives Become Sex Objects | Porn Addiction in Marriage, and How a Man Overcomes Sexual Obsession
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Today, I address common questions many men I’ve worked with have had about porn addiction in marriage. We’ll talk about how wives can unfortunately become sex objects in today's cultural climate (and how to put a stop to it), and how a husband can: Overcome sexual obsession so he can lead a happier, more fulfilling life. Feel truly sexually satisfi…
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Many of my clients have the same question when they start my porn addiction recovery program: “When triggers for porn come up, I just don’t know how to handle them. Are there any simple practices I can use to overcome porn triggers?” In today’s episode, I am going to show you how to beat porn triggers and overcome porn addiction using a 5-step syst…
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Do you or your spouse struggle with a porn addiction? Or do you suspect that you or your spouse may be struggling with one? Today, I’m going to share 17 porn addiction symptoms that porn addicts and spouses should know. I’ve been working in the addiction community for years, and I have seen recurring patterns and themes among clients and friends wh…
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63: Relapse: How to Tell Your Wife About Your Porn Relapse (Without a Fight) Using The 4-Pronged Ownership Approach
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You just watched porn. You’ve been working hard to stay sober and stop watching porn, but despite your best efforts, you slipped up and now you’re in a dilemma… How to tell your wife about your porn relapse? Relapses are a common part of porn addiction recovery. I would love it if they weren’t, but they are! It’s just the reality. During the years …
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62: Stop Thoughts that Cause Porn Addiction | The 5 Levels of Cognition Behind Porn Cravings
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If you struggle with porn addiction, it can be a real challenge to figure out why you experience cravings for porn. A lot of the world will tell you it’s because you crave sex - it’s your natural urges - and you just need to discipline yourself enough to stop watching porn. That’s not the case. You’re not a man with an overactive sex drive. You’re …
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61: Make Friends with the Addict Part of Your Brain | Quit Porn Using 3 Evidence-based IFS Principles
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Today, you're going to use 3 evidence-based IFS principles to learn how to quit porn by making friends with the addict part of your brain. IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy is a powerful framework for overcoming addiction. It takes a non-traditional approach that has been studied and utilized for 40 years, and has been shown to be highly effect…
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What if you had a mental toolbelt to stop porn cravings and overcome fantasizing and lust habits? Today, I’m going to give you exactly that. By the end of this episode, you will have 7 tools to overcome fantasizing and lust, so you can beat porn cravings and stop wanting pornography. But - just like anything - in order for them to work, you have to…
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When my porn addiction recovery story started a decade ago, I believed that the cravings for porn were my main enemy. I thought that if I could just resist these urges, I’d be free. However, through years of working with men around the world and diving deep into my own experiences, I've come to understand that these cravings are merely symptoms of …
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58: How You Can Enjoy Work More - According to Brain Science | Chris Reavis
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One of the pillars for building a recovery mindset and lifestyle to overcome porn addiction is connection - or in other words having positive, fulfilling relationships. In today’s episode, I speak with Chris Reavis, professional coach, speaker, and author in the corporate space. He teaches how we can enjoy work more and build better corporate relat…
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Do you find yourself constantly asking, “Why do I struggle with porn addiction?” Or, ”Why is my spouse / child addicted to porn?” There are a lot of messages out there that will tell you porn addiction is about sexual urges. It’s about having a high libido. It’s about a desire for sex that isn’t being fulfilled. If a man wants porn then it’s his sp…
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If you're battling with pornography addiction, you're not alone, and there's a way out. I've been there, and I've come through the other side. Let's talk about how you can break free from porn addiction and reclaim your life. In today’s episode, I speak with Mark Collins, a Coach and Mentor who helps men uncover their true identity so they can buil…
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Do you find yourself struggling to quit porn, barely making it past the first week or even the first few days? Today, I’m going to give you 8 rules to get you 3-months sober from porn. I remember how daunting it felt when I was grappling with a decade-long pornography addiction. I constantly wondered what would finally help me overcome this addicti…
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54: Trauma, Attachment, Shame & Porn Addiction | Jeanine Gardner
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Recently, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Therapist Jeanine Gardner, from Circles of Grace, part of LifeStar Salt Lake. She shared extremely valuable insights about how trauma, attachment, shame, and porn addiction are all interconnected, and how we can heal trauma and insecure attachments to overcome porn addiction. In this episode we cove…
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53: "I'm triggered when I see a girl dressed immodestly" | How to overcome triggers and lustful thoughts with ease
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So, you’re walking down the street, minding your own business, when BAM a girl walks by in a skimpy outfit. Thoughts of lust, fantasizing, and craving are running through your mind. Or, let’s say, you’re browsing online, minding your own business, when BOOM some ad pops up of women in swimsuits. You’re triggered. And these triggers have started you…
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It can be so hard to know how to help someone with a porn addiction. We worry deeply for our loved ones. We try so, so hard to “knock some sense into them”; to tell them to get help, or to try and help them ourselves. We talk and talk and talk until we’re blue in the face, attempting to get through. Sometimes, our spouse or child will have moments …
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51: The Porn Addiction Funnel: Why You “Stop Thinking” When Cravings Hit & How To Break the Addiction Cycle
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Do you ever wonder why you get sucked into porn addiction and everything else seems to disappear? You have a million important reasons for quitting porn, but when you get stressed you seem to enter this "funnel" that you can't see outside. It feels almost inevitable that you'll give in. I remember exactly how that was. I dealt with this habit for o…
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So you’ve got this monkey on your back. It keeps interrupting your life. You’ve been taught some mental habits to quit porn, but none of them seem to help. You’re tired of being addicted to porn. It increases your anxiety, it decreases your ability to connect with others, you feel more depressed, you don’t feel as motivated or driven. It’s sucking …
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Today I want to talk about a lie that we're told about porn addiction. We're often told that addiction is just a bad habit, that we need to abstain from it, get over our impulsivity, and just say no to the cravings and urges. But let me tell you, that's a bunch of crap. Overcoming porn addiction isn't just about saying no to the habit; it's about d…
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How can feeling bad about porn addiction make you more likely to seek it out? Do you ever wonder how you could possibly want to stop watching porn so bad, yet the worse you feel about it the more you seem to “want” it? Does it seem strange that you could feel so negative about something, and yet crave the heck out of it at the same time? You think,…
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47: Overcome Porn Addiction Using Nutrition | Jordan Gundersen
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Porn addiction is a struggle for many today. Finding ways to break free of porn can feel confusing and overwhelming, as we aren’t sure where to start. One method of overcoming addiction that is gaining traction is nutrition. In episode 47 of No More Desire, hosted by me (Jake Kastleman), we turn the spotlight to the intersection of nutrition, menta…
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I recently received this question from one of my listeners: “I’m trying to break free from porn. What are some key things I can do throughout the day so that when it comes to the time I get home I’m not tempted beyond what I can handle? I know the Bible says that I will never be tempted beyond what I can bear but sometimes I feel like I can’t beat …
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Do you wish you felt in control? Are you tired of experiencing porn cravings everyday? Today, we’re going to talk about how to stop cravings and fantasizing so you can overcome porn addiction for good. I remember what it felt like dealing with non-stop cravings and wondering if I’d ever get better. I remember feeling out of control and hopeless. No…
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Today, I’m going to teach you why porn addiction destroys motivation, and what you can do about it. During the decade I struggled with addictions to porn and masturbation, I constantly regretted how I was squandering my potential. I felt like the times I was clean of porn I could do pretty well in life - I was productive in school, at work, my rela…
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One of the main reasons that we struggle with porn addiction is we have not yet learned how to manage stress effectively. Managing stress is not an easy task, especially with how many challenging emotions and decisions face us today. Most people are more stressed than they’ve ever been, with the political, economic, and societal context. But all th…
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Are you trying to quit porn for yourself, or for others? Should you be motivated to stop watching porn for your spouse? Your kids? For another family member or a friend? Sometimes we addicts can rely heavily upon others - to an unhealthy extent. Or, we can completely isolate ourselves, trying to do everything on our own. When it comes to our attitu…
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How can the teachings of the Stoics help us overcome porn addiction? Stoicism is a moral philosophy for how to live a good life. Sometimes we make the mistake of believing stoicism is all about being serious and having no emotion. Being “stoic”, right? This has little to do with what Stoicism actually is. We also make the assumption that stoicism, …
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When you slip up with porn addiction, are you able to bounce back? Or do you spiral? Is a slip a learning experience for you? Or does it come out of nowhere and you have no clue how to prevent it in the future? Today, I’ll give you the formula for turning a slip or relapse - what can be a hopeless, negative experience - into a springboard for recov…
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Do you have an issue with porn addiction and video game addiction? If so, you’re not alone, my friend. I used to have both of these addictions, and I’ve known many men (and some women) who have struggled with these as well. Video games and porn go hand-in-hand. And I’m not talking about the simple fact that video games have sexual content in them s…
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Do you ever feel high-strung? Do you ever have spinning or obsessive thoughts? Do you ever feel unable to quiet your mind and just relax? To overcome porn addiction, we need to learn to “take it easy”. But what does that even mean? How do we do that, and how does it help with porn addiction? Listen to today’s episode to find out. For those who feel…
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Do you have incessant cravings for porn lately? In this episode, you'll learn 3 Mindset Strategies to Beat Porn Addiction. Do you feel like once you’ve started craving you have no choice but to give in to porn addiction eventually? Even if you make it a day, a week, or a month, does failure seem inevitable? You want to stop so bad, but you’ve lost …
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How do I come out of an argument with my spouse and NOT relapse? For many of the men that I’ve spoken to, they can get really triggered to go to their porn addiction after an argument or a fight with their spouse. It’s super common. Today, I want to talk about why fights or arguments can be so triggering for us to go look at porn - leading to slips…
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Do you feel like the holidays should be a happy time, but for you it’s a really triggering time for your addiction? Do you feel like the winter drives you to engage with your pornography addiction or another addiction more, and that cravings are worse during the winter? We’re going to talk about these things today, and some strategies you can use t…
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When porn cravings hit, what do you do? Do you fight the porn addiction? Resist it? Try to just not think about it and distract yourself? I’m here to tell you that none of these options work. At least not long-term. Willpower is finite. It runs out. To overcome porn addiction requires a completely different approach. So what can you do instead? Tod…
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What does God think of porn addicts? As someone who struggles with porn addiction, do you ever feel like God is punishing you for your mistakes? Do you feel like He looks down on you? You aren’t alone in these feelings. Pretty much every addict goes through them. Pretty much EVERY PERSON goes through them. When we can’t quit porn, we often believe …
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You’ve probably heard that mindfulness helps with addiction - being present, enjoying the moment, getting in tune with your senses. But you’ve probably found it difficult to implement mindfulness in your daily life, and fail to see how using mindfulness to overcome addiction really works. I get that. Today, I’m going to talk about discoveries that …
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31: Love vs. Control - Healing Marriage & Relationships | John Canaan
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In this episode from the No More Desire Podcast, my friend John Canaan and I talk about overcoming the desire to control; putting aside the ego to improve marriage and relationships, overcome addictions, and just live an overall more excellent life! John hits the nail on the head, talking about specific methods to heal marriage and relationships, h…
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I was talking with a friend of mine the other day - a fellow recovering addict - and I was sharing about my past with addiction and how social anxiety was a big struggle in my life and actually fueled my addiction - in other words, I went to addiction in order to cope with the immense amount of nervousness and fear I felt in relationships and socia…
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29: A Change of Heart
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How do we lose the desire for addiction? Is it possible? During the decade I spent addicted to porn, I dreamed of a day I could finally be free of the chains of addiction. That I could finally have my confidence around women back That I could finally be free of the social anxiety I suffered with That I could finally have my motivation and drive bac…
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I’m going to tell you how I quit porn. I’ll talk about some very crucial turning points in my life that led to both my porn addiction recovery (and recovery from other addictions) as well as my conversion to Jesus Christ. I grew up in a Christian family - traditional Christian values, parents dedicated to their faith, very conservative. Porn, to sa…
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I received a question from one of my clients this past week about what I really mean when I say porn addiction comes from resistance, and how resistance leads to addiction. I wanted to address that question directly this week. It can be very challenging to overcome porn addiction. In part, this is because pornography addiction masks many underlying…
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Have you ever been told that addiction recovery requires humility? Do you wonder how in the world being humble could possibly help you quit porn? Perhaps hearing that gets your defenses up. Perhaps it fills you with anger. Or maybe you just don’t understand what it means to “be humble”. You try to humble yourself in order to overcome porn addiction…
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