A man’s search for his missing brother leads him to a mysterious cult. A mind-bending mystery/thriller from Cryptic Radio. Fiction Written, Directed & Produced by Jon Rolfe Sound Design & Audio Engineering by Randy Greer & Kathryn Stanley Show Artwork by O2bri Support us on Patreon or follow us on X(Twitter), Instagram, or TikTok @crypticradiopod
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Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Get bonus content on Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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semua yang tertulis disini berdasarkan apa yang ada di kehidupan saya. bukan hanya kamu. tapi, bisa jadi untuk dia, atau yang lainnya, satu hal yang pasti, semua yang pernah hadir dalam kehidupan saya akan tertuang di podcast ini. sekian.
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With Niki trapped aboard the San Francisco Space Station, local hero Charles Harte steps in to "fill the void" and help LB and John answer some of the biggest questions facing today's Sleepy Americans, including if anyone has ever fucked The Big Apple Coaster at New York-New York Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, how hot farts are, the biggest poop ever…
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This week John, Niki and LB, in a show of unity and strength against mounting opposition forces, take scam dog food makers to task for making scam dog foods. They also launch a radical new campaign designed to end conversations they don't want to participate in; usher in a new age of cyber skeletons for those in need; put a stop to the miserable to…
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All Women (Plus Tony)
1:09:07
1:09:07
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1:09:07LB, Niki, John, Jack and Dianne all convene at the local Tastee-Freez to suck on some chili dogs and talk shop, which this week includes John's trade to the Lakers, Niki's new state of being, Steve's last iPod, interchangeable company names, pivoting to PETA, The Wiggles™, trying to meet Wolfgang Puck in 2025, and honestly dude, so much more that I…
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You’re a Wild Rebel Sexy Hot Adult Woman
1:10:57
1:10:57
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1:10:57John, LB and Niki peruse the menu of life and choose a number of appetizing topics to sate their hunger for discussion, including LB's new towels, hanging out with BTS, another installment of Scam Text Theater, the complete plot of The Substance (so spoiler warning obvs), if Aaron Sorkin wrote Dawson's Creek, our definitive ranking of the Barenaked…
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The No Clean List
1:12:59
1:12:59
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1:12:59Niki, LB and John waste no time this week, immediately casting aside pretense and delving straight into a number of pertinent and pressing topics, including "what if Tylenol goes woke," two new kinds of hyper-localized lottery, the specific kind of Weird™ that people get about celebrities like Natalie Portman and Milana Vayntrub, the details of our…
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This Machine Knocks Big Glasses of Water Over
1:00:35
1:00:35
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1:00:35It's Valentine's Day (when we're recording, at least), so obviously LB, Niki and John have to talk about hallway shoes, the "prison walrus trap," an upsetting development concerning LB's enormous glass of iced water, Chucky, the ongoing popularity of Furby-brand toys, dating a ghost, animal genetics and, as a special treat, somehow even more. Welco…
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John, LB (congratulations LB!) and Niki strap on their ballerina fetish heels and dance around a number of pressing topics, including if the ear is a hole, household expiration dates, denim jeans, LB's new fruit, how hard it may or may not be to "change red to blue, in genetics," counting your apples before they hatch, the inevitable Paul brothers …
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Signs of Depression in My Chicken???
1:07:09
1:07:09
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1:07:09Each suffering from their own unique set of cosmic ailments, and yet somehow still undeterred from their podcasting duties, Niki, John and LB crack open a cold one and talk turkey (or rather, chickens) for their weekly get-together, which you're all invited to! Topics of discussion during this salon include (but are not limited to) building a tower…
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They Got a New Woman
1:05:30
1:05:30
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1:05:30John, Niki and LB, who are all doing great right now, attempt to harness some of their ongoing good fortune and use it to solve the world's problems, which include (but are not limited to): Recognizing currency denominations by feel, depositing hundreds of thousands of dollars into a drive-through ATM, the current state of CityWalk at Universal Stu…
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Horse Crushed! At the Breast Ska
1:14:50
1:14:50
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1:14:50LB and Niki, now back home after temporary displacement by the fires in Los Angeles, are joined by local best friend John to catch up on everything they missed in the interim, including the real purpose behind John Cena's jorts, LB's new chair problem, old-timey boobs, Niki's experience at a local video games exposition, how blinking is kissing for…
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SEASON FINALE || Olivia navigates the 'Forever House' under hypnosis, attempting to find the archive and retrieve a key. In the aftermath of her capture, Alex's mental state begins to crumble. Meanwhile, Morgan shares a secret with Kali, and Dylan manages to send a message... ________________ Created by Jon Rolfe Featuring Elliott Brotherhood, Sama…
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FolgersCast Episode 1
1:11:48
1:11:48
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1:11:48It's our first episode of 2025 and things are already off to an uproarious start, with Niki, LB and John locked in for what may be our funniest episode yet of 2025! In addition to everyone's New Year's Resolutions™, the gang also spend a lot of time talking about Miller High Life, the lore behind Grey's Anatomy (hospital show ver.), the best and wo…
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Copernicus interrogates Alex, who recalls what happened on The Island. Morgan has drinks with Kali. Sedona realizes Ricky hasn't been honest. Dylan insists on returning home after speaking with The Envoy, and Olivia begins her trial... ________________ Created by Jon Rolfe Featuring Elliott Brotherhood, Samantha Cooper, Devon Chandler, Whitney Holl…
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H-O-T-T-O-T-O
1:16:00
1:16:00
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1:16:00It's the final episode of 2024! To celebrate the holidays and ring in the New Year, LB, Niki and John drink deeply from their cups of nog and first question who actually killed JFK, before turning to even more festive topics such as the ongoing construction on Niki's house, remaking Schindler's List, Texas Ellen, piss pants rights, LB's Xanga posts…
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Dylan helps Olivia weather the storm aboard The Oasis, and learns what she must do to win The Origin's forgiveness. Meanwhile, Morgan enlists the help of a new friend to help track Alex, who believes she's discovered a way back to Ignota... ________________ Created by Jon Rolfe The poem is The Brain by Emily Dickinson Featuring Elliott Brotherhood,…
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John, Niki and LB HUNKTEARS WHO IS ON THIS PODCAST embrace the holiday spirit by discussing LB's fun new allergy to Christmas trees, the stockings their in-laws sent over, Niki's new beef with friend of the show Michael Higham, John's made-up list of "traditional things" that go in a stocking, Bob Dylan, lip balm you can eat, whether Mrs. Claus is …
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Dolo & Ganbana
1:10:00
1:10:00
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1:10:00This podcast, which routinely features LB HUNKTEARS, also has John Warren and Niki Grayson, who this week discuss the following topics: Using a saw to paint a house, Niki's driving habits, cocaine, jungle laboratories, Larry King's relationship with Nancy Reagan, regularly scheduled steroids talk, best sex pheromones for men attract hot women, and …
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The Lost Horizon reaches the rendezvous point. Rob's escape makes Ricky suspicious of Dylan, who goes with Olivia to meet The Envoy. Alex's ex offers to help her reunite with Ignota, and Morgan learns the truth about Lucas Wright... ________________ Created by Jon Rolfe Featuring Elliott Brotherhood, Samantha Cooper, Devon Chandler, Alex Eller, Ger…
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Van Helsing's Orb
1:11:31
1:11:31
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1:11:31With Niki back on assignment, literal superhero Michael Higham fights and defeats a power outage and storm in order to join LB and John for this week's episode. And aside from being the first-ever Drivey Award Winner for Bravest Guest, Michael also gets to talk about Stevie Wonder, all-terrain wheelchairs, falling in front of the babes, if The Rock…
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Morgan meets Copernicus and learns about Ignota's founder, Joseph Solemns. Ricky pressures Sedona, who hopes to gain The Envoy's favor, and Dylan hatches a bold plan to save Rob... ________________ Created by Jon Rolfe Featuring Elliott Brotherhood, Samantha Cooper, Kristin Holland, Rich Summers, Chelsea Krause, Alex Eller, Jamie-Lyn Markos & Sarah…
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The Beach That Makes You Sell Your Spit
1:13:58
1:13:58
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1:13:58Niki is back and not a moment too soon, as LB and John have prepared what may be our wettest episode yet in celebration of their return. Well, "prepared" might be a strong word for anything that happens on this show, but the gang does get right back to business by discussing a new(?) kind of concert venue, selling your spit, pants, a scary thing th…
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Where's Vatican 2?
1:16:37
1:16:37
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1:16:37With Niki out on assignment, Michael Higham joins John and LB for our most cum-tastic episode since *checks notes* the last time Michael was here. But fear not, the gang also talks about regular basketball, beach basketball, the origin of the term "skeet," warning signs to watch for when hanging out with Catholics, that really tall drink you can ge…
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Morgan pays Alex a visit and discovers they have something in common. Dylan shares a drink with the skipper of Lost Horizon, and Olivia announces a rendezvous with another ship and someone named "The Envoy"... ________________ Created by Jon Rolfe Featuring Elliott Brotherhood, Samantha Cooper, Devon Chandler, Whitney Holland, Gerald Hill, Elgin El…
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Brazilian Butt Life
1:11:48
1:11:48
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1:11:48Will Halloween in the rearview and Election Day upon us, Niki, LB and John try to iron out the few remaining wrinkles in American politics by addressing such hot-button issues as elf feet, Turkish hair transplant surgery, World Series Champions "The Dodgers," the power of prayer, a legendary and dead Australian horse, asses, and even a brand-new ga…
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Just in time for Halloween Voyage presents Elias The Caretaker, a new horror fiction podcast that's The Conjuring & Paranormal Activity for your ears. A failing podcaster inherits his estranged parents' mansion, and their strange, creepy caretaker. He quickly discovers the mansion is haunted... and there's something very wrong with Elias. Listen in…
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Niki, LB and John skillfully walk through a docket of challenging and pertinent issues facing today's Sleepy Americans, such as the form and function of a joke, firefighters who also have to fight lions, whether basketball has a home on this podcast, a quick sidebar, an approximation of the plot of 1982's The Thing, a fun theme restaurant Niki went…
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Morgan discovers someone is spying on her. Sedona makes a breakthrough with her new facilitator. Dylan begins to have doubts about Rob's motives and Olivia reveals what Ignota means when they talk about "traveling"... ________________ Created by Jon Rolfe Featuring Elliott Brotherhood, Samantha Cooper, Jamie-Lyn Markos, Devon Chandler, Rich Summers…
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With LB once again helping the stranded astronauts aboard the International Space Station, local hero merritt k steps in to help Niki and John navigate this week's most challenging conversation topics, including Niki's ruined floors, ants, the weird guy movies of the early 2000s, getting all of your "yellow juice" extracted, penis rejuvenation ther…
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So It’s a Lot Like Scrubs?
1:08:58
1:08:58
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1:08:58John, Niki and LB ask some important questions about blood and the people who take it from us, before moving on to some more relatable, everyday topics such as the funny underwear that Borat wears, roller coaster safety ratings, being "famous contemporarily with a horse, when a dog ate a human heart on that one TV show, the potential dangers of hir…
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