Navigating Grief While Maintaining Boundaries

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The five stages of grief are not a linear process. When we go through grief, we go back and forth through the different ranges of emotions. When it comes to setting boundaries, it can also be a similar pattern and process. We might set a strong and safe boundary, only to fall back on our standards. This shouldn’t be a point of shame, but a learning process as you go through these stages of boundary setting.

To do a comparison, the first stage of grief is denial and disbelief. In boundary setting, there is also a parallel. We often find ourselves in denial that a boundary is needed. We often resist the idea of setting boundaries. Another stage of grief is anger. Anger often follows denial. In boundary setting, there is anger that comes up when there’s an awareness that someone has pushed a boundary.

The third stage of grief is bargaining and negotiation. It is an attempt to regain control. The same is true with setting boundaries. We try to be ‘reasonable’ with the boundary breaker and try to compromise ourselves. The fourth stage of grief is the depression and sadness stage. The same is true with boundaries. The moment we set healthy boundaries, there is a sadness that comes and a sense of loss.

And finally, the acceptance stage of grief. We understand that there is loss and now it’s time to move forward. The boundaries that we are setting are for ourselves in the end and not for someone else. We are giving ourselves permission to practice self-care.

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